i cant stop thinking about you..
i just dont know why..

maybe its your presence or just my sigh!


haha,
tht rhymed..
haha


ya,
anyways things feel better now..
some small little surprises here and there..
but i think there is always some tid bits of joy to cover up for it.




but the major setback for me, is when i realised that maybe i m not the only one in the game.. and based on the small little information that i could gather, i believe somebody has already played the game... and has played it hard...
competition is always there, no matter wht u do! but i dint expect it to be so disturbing this time. I dont want to give up this time. i want to try and i am too! but i just dont think, the game is actually as responsive as it is to the other players..
its just so hard, when u actually go and try and try and get ur ass kicked for no reason..

i think i m just being a bit over expressive here, but i know its only because i dont want to lose this time. i have trained hard enough and maybe i should deserve the response i expect.

i want the game to be mine... i want to win it this time!! i never thought i'd actually even give a damn about this game, but NOW, the more i play it, the more addictive it gets.. ah i just love it. dont i? or maybe i just love it too much, to get kicked in the ARSE!


i know the game players dont like me...so dont even know me! but even then i'll try coz, i have that burning desire in me to WIN. to perhaphs get wht i want...but i dont see any chances.


ya..
talking about winning..
the IP Girls lost their first match against some "never heard b4" school... 7-2.
hmm... i won my bet against mr. chow though. i bet they'd lose 5-2. haha

anyways, for those of u who dont know this... i m not taking them for the B-Div. (in simple terms, i m not coaching them for this)


anyways, today is the announcement of the A-Div boys team. I am hoping i can get in, but my chances are little... i regret going back to India for the holidays coz of it.





i think i m really tired now..
i need some sleep b4 trg.




bbye

"be mine and you'll never regret having to have gone through so much pain until now"
(MY ORIGINAL QUOTE) lol..

but quite valid. i think i wont tell anyone abt it...
not even..


i'll add more later..
so till then

sayonara..




i ask others to be strong when i cant be strong myself. I really want to tell u something...but its more hard than ever..

i'll see,
i'll fall,
i'll get up


and still run...



FOR YOU!


Evil In A Closet
In Flames

We were one in words
You finished my sentence
I can never attract tomorrow
It pushes me aside

I sink in waters deep
Your presence kept me floating
Far from depths where secrets lie
Maybe in another lifetime
I could be the first you meet

I once read a poem
Held my breath
But that moment's gone
First time I felt life somewhat hurts
I need an option, a reason and some hope

Yell at me, I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall
I wish that I could say... I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

Yell at me, I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall
I wish that I could say... I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

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"How do u expect me, a blind man, to see when you yourself cant see, even though you are not blind?"

well tht does go on to tell whts been happening around me lately. ya!!

i dont know why people are like feeding themselves with crap and spitting out at me, just because they think its not tasty enough. i mean come on, you are the people who made it up (such things dont even exist) on ur own, and then why blame me for it.

anyways a quick recap of the week..



pool, cards, xbox, halo(ing), winning eleven, pet society.. yeah
haha
lolz.


went cycling with amb, sgr, ysha, smya and vshn..
i cant believe i actually remembered the path... it was so fun!! the wind, the darkness, the forest, the aeroplanes, the runway, the sea and of course the sand and the cardboards used to sleep on.. haha..

but i guess, some really NON ENTHUSIASTIC EXTREMELY SELFISH creature took some of the results for personal gains and advantages, which i find really hard to believe. Even more harder is to actually believe that another person, probably the most closest to me, actually settled up on own conclusions and without showing any sympathy for my state decided to get angry at me.... i mean come on...

pleeeeease, i m not lying and its definitely not possible for me to actually stand up against you..


maybe u r stuck inside ur own mind, which does not allow you to get out of it and look through somebody else's too. the web inside ur mind, which was ( and i always think, is) the most delicate one i have ever seen, is what made u special. i still do think u r very biased in this whole issue, but even then, i m ready to apologise (and according to what i remember...i alr did!) guess, its not cause of u, maybe its ur surroundings itself. i know and undrstnd the fact that ppl change, but nvr knew they do so much, when only a little negativeness fills (anothr person) the atmosphere.
ya..


and some basic points to remember for the week..

- NEVER TRY DIRECTLY SHOOTING INTO THE GOAL, IT ALWAYS FAILS (XBOX, WINNING 11)
- NEVER CLICK PHOTOS OF CERTAIN PPL (ANOTHER PERSON ADDED TO THE LISTS)
- NEVER EVER FORGET TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, COZ MAYBE CERTAIN PPL WOULDN'T MIND SAYING "SO WHAT IF U DINT SLEEP?" AND FORGET HOW DIFFICULT IT IS EVEN TO STAND, IF FOR SOME REASON YOU HAVE TO STAY UP.





- NEVER DO THINGS FOR OTHERS, COZ EVEN IF YOU DO (LIKE I HAVE) YOU MAY NOT BE EVEN APPRECIATED FOR IT. YOU MAY NOT EVEN BE KNOWN TO HAVE DONE IT.
HOW EASY IT IS FOR PPL TO FORGET EVERYTHING RIGHT??!?!??!


So i guess, this week would be all the more, filled up with controversies, and wrong mindsets of ppl (as if i actually give a damn) and also more sms's from someone (not me) trying to convey the very msg "FUCK OFF"...


i hope time passes by soon... sooner than thought..
cant believe i actually said that..




:(

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Well this would definitely be on a serious note..
or atleast i would try.



i wish i could tell someone how much u mean to me...
be it di, rj, nj, rhn, ankt, xc...

but literally i havent been able to...

there is this burning desire in me, to let out those wild feelings, and perhaps selfless emotions that i want to let out..

let them freeeee....

but, i..errr, its damn difficult.


i had a dream some days ago..

and that was what made me write this post...
i mean srsly,
it was one dream, i'd always cherish..

so i'll now talk abt the dream..
(IF U DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, MOST LIKELY IT WASnt RELATED TO YOU)

i'll divide it into parts...
so here goes..


1. i was at a mall with mom, and somehow she went back home, and left me to browse thru.., haha,

and i saw somebody there...
somebody, who i was really dying to meet..

and i actually get to see the person in my DREAM!!... like wth! but never mind, not in reality, but atleast i got to meet "someone" in my dreams atleast..

but i think, it was one moment, i could have died to have dreamt off..


i just hope it can evn turn out to be reality.



//edit - this wasnt s'posed to be the original post...

at the end of all the shit that happened...i think i wouldnt want to talk abt any dreams..




everything crashed..
in the dark..
to show someone..
only to show someone,
it was left away...far far away..


i think, this is not the time to get sentimental...bt i think..

no one understands how much it means for me to be "sandesh" rated happy..

i guess, everyone is just contempt in seeing the "sacrificing sandesh" rated happiness..
well, if that is what makes them happy, then i dont have anything to say at all..


and with a god damn note,
i'd thus like to start my new year with this quote

"Fuck off _ _ _ _ _ _ _" and i guess, i should also carry a placard around displaying the quote..to fuckin' remind this retarded brain of mine to "SWITCH TO OTHER PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS SEEING QUOTIENT".....

nobody's to blame..
nobody's to answer...

i could have prevented everything all together..
i dont even know, whether these tears dropping off my cheeks are actually of fuckin happiness or the expected sadness...

all i know is that, this time....again, its the later ruling over the former..
FUCK!


i dont knw why these fuckin' lines from RNBDJ are running in my mind..

tujh mein rab dikhta hain, yaara mein kya karu!






fukSigning off..


anyways,
i m back in Singapore for those of u who dint know!

:(

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