What does it feel like when you get something new, you play around with and totally fall in love with it, but for some reason, you do something that forces you to part ways with it...?? Some could argue, but for most of the part I too think I am feeling that way. Such primitive and baby instincts are getting on to me..

When it starts, it feels like heaven, and like an intoxication, it spreads into your mind pushing you over boundaries that you once thought you'd never enter. But you can't escape it once you've entered it. It's like entering the next dimension.. I compare it to a whole new dimension, because.. it exists, only hiding from our obvious senses. Do we ever feel the x, y, z and the time dimensions??

I feel like I am standing on this huge clock... trying to jump over the rotating hands.. and I can see the hands moving in on me.. because I know that I won't be able to keep jumping all the time. 

Who am I kidding? I miss you.. I miss you so much, that even saying that missing you seems like an understatement.. but what CAN I do?? There was a time, when I felt I could've done anything and everything for you, but here I stand, ONLY to realise that in reality, I can't do shit... I think about that night on the third of the fourth month of 2009 and all I can do is, console my heart and tell myself, that maybe it really was just a fluke.. it happened just by mistake. It just wasn't meant to be. I still stay up dreaming about that night.. when we both let everything go.. I miss you way too much.. 

And now like deja vu.. i m right back where I was a long time ago... I regret telling you what I feel. YES, i may feel paranoid, but could you blame me for it? I've never done all this relationship.. bgr, gf thingies ever... and I don't even know what I am supposed to feel.. like.. but this is hard... THIS IS WAYY too hard.. 

And now you keep engaging in conversations about anti-"THAT THING" perspectives.. and that just means one thing, I am gonna reach a dead end... hit the wall... crashing into it badly.. i can pretty much sense things going in that direction.

I"LL BE BACK TO CONTINUE THIS POST!! GOTTA GO TALK TO, well, YOU!

//EDIT

so I am back again.. right where I wanted not to..

anyways.. so like i was saying, you are giving me these weird ideas, which I do not want to pursue, because they aren't just hard as hell, but much more than fatal. I wish I hadn't told you. I was so much better off without having to wonder what it would be like.. if we... well you know... GOD why did I HAVE to be such a fool and rush into things..

shit, and now it's gonna be another failure on my hands... the stains of which are gonna sting badly.. sting like the stupid wound I got today.. haha.. though I LOVED it.. I love the adrenaline rush of the game, of the fall... its just awesome.. haha. But FUCK, i can't even walk properly now..

I think about stuff, and i realise that I can comfortably compare this "physical" pain to the more "not so physical and yet so painful" pain. I wonder why I have landed hand in hand with these "pains" so badly... And even through all these,

I miss you so badly,

and yet i can't do shit about it..

i wanna imagine those times, those memories, those clicks and ticks when I imagined us being together..

I don't wanna even talk to anyone right now..

:(