I am back here after a lot of thinking. I have been banging my head onto the bloody wall, which, well literally stains with blood splatters and I've reached onto a conclusion. - I AM TURNING INSANE!! You are driving me insanely mad. I am confused, as to what I should do about this situation in my hand.

Everyone keep telling me to get over you, but I find myself losing words trying to tell them that it is not even about getting over you anymore. It's more about whether and WHY I am on the verge of losing another amazing person i like. The more people keep telling me to get over you, it makes me wanna try harder to go and do those things people tell me not to do... how can i resist NOT TALKING TO YOU, how i can i let go off the temptation to look at you every once in a while and see if you are smiling or not? or how can I accept the fact that you seemingly (even though you may not) pretend to hate me. I, too, am not opting for a commitment cause I myself can't bear the thoughts of losing you, but then I am already on the verge of losing you.. To me, you are like a cliffhanger. The story at this point is balanced on such a crucial and delicate point that it is hard to predict what will happen next.

If I could start over again, I would... do things differently. For one thing, I would never give into your friendly gestures to tell you stuff I shouldn't. But, to wish for a start over is completely wishful thinking. I can't dwell into that region right now.. It's too voodoo..

But if i can, I would wanna first apologize to you..and make peace for every wrong thing I might have done to you, and then I would ask you for a chance to let me prove to you that I can be a much better friend. I dunno what you think of me... I really wish you'd trust me and tell me... I am not like the others... I swear, I am not.
I am least bothered about whether some other person wants to talk to me or not, but it matters extremely to me that YOU talk to me..cause somehow that is the way I feel. I can't stop myself for feeling like that, and if you'd want, I CAN give it up, but I need you to tell me that...

Please, just please,
Put aside your thoughts, and talk to me, I long for those conversations again, I long for those smiles that I can contribute for.

And now, here's something I wrote a couple of years back... (//EDIT - NOT RELATED TO WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT ABOVE)

From the moment I looked into you eyes

it whirled my blue skies

And now months have passed, we haven't spoke.

Everytime I close my eyes, I see your face,

There are many things I miss about you, so much so I write them here...

I miss the way you held me tight

I miss the way your lips touched mine

I miss the way we kissed each other goodnight

I miss the way you looked into my eyes

I miss how I could trust you.

Now I've lost all the trust, you were the only one I loved

I've tried so hard just to move on but simply I cant!

I know I am only young but I can't love again!

My heart is broken and cannot be fixed

All my feelings are mixed!

I love you and forever you stay in what is left of my broken heart!!

What's going on right now seems like "last time" repeating all over again. I can't go through that all over again/

Please... just give me another chance..

I do not wanna lose you. I really don't.

If I move on, like the others keep telling me to, I will lose you for good... because you anyways don't talk to me. If I let go of the fight to try and get us to talk back again, I will lose you as a friend, and like i said before, i cant bear the thoughts of that. 

please give me a chance.

:(

"I am not saying goodbye, i can't...you are too good for me, and I wanna keep you"