i swear upon the birds and tress,
that i am not well,
this is the path that you made me take
and now it seems like it'll probably never be..
i cant tell you whats wrong with me,
because you cant see that deep,
it is more than just the crying and sighing,
that lies beneath me...
i dont know why you changed so much,
so much so that you forgot everything
like with a fresher smell of nectar,
you flew away like a bee...
i put my heart open in front of you
without ever doubting and so u know what i feel inside, but
all you did was take it up the building
and threw it at the sky...
and now its falling down and down,
pulled towards the darkness
that lies beneath...
and soon shall the time come
when it would never be seen

you are making me so angry..
and you dont care...
because all that is running through your mind..
is about you, and your life and your kind.
there was a time,
when i had the magic
and this is very true...
whenever i picked up my phone,
i cud always know what you had to say..
but now that magic is gone,
i see my phone... and see the blankness in it
all i know now is that you just dont wanna say..

i still remember that time when
words were said..
and i thought maybe things were right..
but all you did was drift away
to turn my bright day.. into the darkest night :(
i try to do so much for you
so much so that you dont even know..
but for the things that you think you know..
i dont see any emotions (from you), cause you never show...
i still remember out first talk,
when u talked so differently,
that was perhaps the best "mini" conversation,
i'll always remember in life..
i tried to talk to you, to tell you what i feel
but you were so far away,
you couldnt make out what i said..
but you still chose to keep the distance
because everything was so "RIGHT" for you
everytime those tears rolled down on cheeks (mine)
was like eating chocolate ice cream for you.
i thought you cared, i still think you do..
but you are just taking it so easy
i cant do anything but sigh

friends talk to each other
friends clear away doubts
friends stick by ur side,
when things are fucked up in your mind..
and you arent doing anything of that sort,
maybe its too much for you..
but like the way you are getting on with it
you are moving away from that person i knew
i dont know whats going through your mind,
but for now, my mind is SCREWED.
a "are you ok?" is also NOT what i am expecting,
a smile is all i need.

i know there are always reasons
and i'll be happy to hear it all
but hiding all that away from me...
is definitely - SO NOT MAKING ME HAPPY! ("for your happiness" - ya rrite!!)

i know you enough to tell you
that no matter what you wont change,
but you are determined to prove me wrong.
because maybe "you dont like" what i said...
i m sorry, i hope you'll forgive me
forgive the person who is
a mile and a half below the ocean,
looking for that hand he needs..
that hand that he knows he'll find,
find in time to save himself
and pull him away from this misery.

i dont know what else to say,
coz my heart and mind feels heavy,
its just a matter of moments,
before the hyena cries.
i wish that you'll try,
try to explain to me the saddest fact of my life.
dont think what i will feel about it.
you have already killed me inside.

but no matter what,
i'll still never forget all that imagery that comes to my mind..
because
that night, you were the star i wished upon
that WE'll make things right!





guys i know this is weird and out of a sudden but somehow its just true....
none of you have an idea whats wrong with me..
and i cant tell anyone about it...because no one will understand the depth of it...

somehow i thought time will make things right...but it did not..
and i have to face it all again...
myself..

so ya..
hope you all like the new blog design...
i dint have enough time to add more stuff like always do...
i still need to mess up with the codes and everything
exams been keeping me busy for a while..


-
Sandesh

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that moment when you left me behind,
all the while, made me cry and think about you..


i will not let any of this go...because all this is attached to you and nothing matters if i cant do this..
so i will fucking push myself against my limits and do whatever it takes to get there... i'll do my best...NOTHING but the best... i know this sounds crazy at this point...but NOW is the only time i have in hand, and this is all that i'll probably ever get... and i cant let this ruin everything..

so i'll fight everything that comes my way and i'll save those tears and keep it for the time when happiness comes knocking on my door, and i'll say.. "Heyy, what took you so long? Missed the train?"

bloody hell.... this is even more painful than any of the floorball trainings i have gone through... i'd rather do 20 sets of suicides than go through this.. but like i went through all that, i'll go through all this and make the best out of it...cause champions sacrifice to excel... and they strive to win..

my sacrifices wont go waste..
cause i strive to win.


Impossible is Nothing.
Prove everyone wrong sandesh. This is the time. Show everyone that you can go beyond limits that people cant even think of. ENDURE THIS and the fruits shall be sweet at the end of the track...



-
Sandesh

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if i can only hope...
if i can only wish...
if i can only imagine...
if i can only dream...
if i can only cry...
if i can only sigh...
i will only love, love you
i will only be there, be there for you
you can make my hopes hopeful...
you can make my wishes come true...
you can make my imagination run wild...
you can make my dreams come alive...
you can make me cry tears of happiness...
you can make me not sigh...
IF you can love, love me
IF you can be there, be there with me



ah, i wish i could read your mind...
so that i'd know what makes you love someone!!


:)
i m happy...for a while i guess..
but this happiness here, for now, is definitely cause of you!
thnk u
<3

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sometimes you don't feel like talking,
not cause you don't want to,
or you don't wish to,
or that you don't like who
you're talking to.

it's just that sometimes
you feel, after saying
something, something of great
importance to your heart,
or your soul, you feel
that you don't feel it
anymore.

like as though,
by saying it,
you're letting it go,
and you know,
sometimes, you don't
want to let things go.

because you know
things can go on
and new things
can grow
out of what
has been grown.

and because
you want to feel
feel that something
that sort of shows
that you're still
alive and not
part of an
illusion.

but keeping things
inside of you
like a bottle
will not help
because you know
someday,
somehow,
somewhy,
it'll be opened

and if there's
just too much being
bottled up,
everything will
just spill out
instantly,
automatically,
logically,
and it'll just
be too much,
too much, for
anyone to get
what you feel
what you say
what you think.


but despite all your wants,
your needs, your desires,
you know in this world,
things are going to go
against you,

not because you're
right and they
are wrong,
or they being
right and you
being wrong,
but because
in actual fact
there's no
right or wrong.

but still despite all those
negative happenings
occurring around you,
as though it's taking
over your world,

you should be living
for that small little
good thing right there,
and not forsaking
anything, or everything
with the thought
of ending it all.


no clue as to why those words came out,
with me not understanding half of what's
being written after re-reading,
still, it's the way i want it,
to have it written down,
as though engraved into something,
because, i don't want to let it out.
i still want to feel.

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You are the darkness, a blind man sees.
You are the brightness, the sun shine gives.
You are the light that darkness needs,
You ARE the impression, that your sweet smile leaves.

You are the dream I always wanna see
You are the imagination, I always wanna feel
You are the voice of the nightingale,
But you ARE in my heart, that's burning like hell.

You are the toy, a child wants to play
You are the fairy tale, a story teller wants to say
You are the notes, a singer wants to sing.
You ARE the hunter in the night, waiting for the day..

You are my ____,
You are my soul,
You are _______,
The angelic beauty I know.


I am sorry for whatever is making you do this to me.. Your words left me crying yesterday.
They struck me like bullets... You cant remove the bullets, but you can definitely ease the pain.. I beg you to become who you were before.... I beg you to talk to me the way you used to before... I beg you...
do that for me...

and please i cant be selfish...
not for you..
because every feeling that comes from me for you..
is unconditional..

:'(
I am sorry... hope you'll forgive me...and help me become who i was before...
for only you can bring the old "me" back...

i promise i'll be a better person...
please just forgive me...

:(

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