well...quite a long time since i have seen this screen
but why am i not being surprised abt it*
is it too melodramatic to happen or is it just
that its not supposed to be happenin with me..

i m not getting the responses i want
and its not because of just "that"
but maybe i might be thinking wrong about it...

i thought it would have been happier
maybe i could have gotten the "congratulations" msg
hopes are dying
and blackness is stirring in

blackness....!!!!okay i dint mean that lol
but still its no better than that...

instances could have been shaped more meaningfully and
perhaphs beautifully
althought beautiful is not the primary element for
the scenario since the the highest level of beauty is already in the
situation...


well i dont know what is happening around...
but i know

Sandesh
loves

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well...today was Ppl centered fun...not centered though...but cornered i guess..haha..
well i know thats lame...but cant really help it...lol

haha the day was quite ok lah
no jinxes..no curses... for me...I WISH
well got a lot of instances
whereby it was like VISIBLE and
i pretended to be my mysterious MR. X again..
haha..quite cool

change of moods is reflective...
but conveys....

day started as usual...everything went on fine in the morning...
assembly...
forget V26 keys...was worried like freak abt tht throughout the day
u..
staircase..
instances..
electives hub...
breakout...
group
praxis..
that was it..
and that is Financial Litera(ture)cy
i hate arts.....boooooo
well

so ya...am i trying to be different..or have i really become one...
some say i am trying....not saying showing ME
some say...ya say...i m becoming...

why ...
maybe the environment
has a huge influence....
a freakin huge influence

sometimes i feel i cant live without
but at the same time are the one hurts....

variable words shift the indication..
i know i make things damn freakin complicated...but
sometimes you just gotta accept it...accept that it is not possible to win


win the race...

to the path..
cyberbeast stuff....impressing me all day long...

well i guess the "change" was necessary...really necessary for my life...
its now become "the essentiality of the age...

lol
wtf..

but yes..


its hard to say..
but i miss you..
nvr mind...

wth...

loves...
SaNdEsH says he's osrry to all those whom he troubled...become a pest for...anyone...

thanx...

maybe the most important connotation for this is for only one person but holds validity for many others too...



take care...
nice to see "everyone" happy...

the biggest idea today...
"Money to impress others" is a sucker's game
i m changing
i m sorry
i miss you..

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hahahahahah
wooohooo
yipeeeeee

hahahaha

am enjoying it....
dont ask me wad,...
i like this game....
really do

keeps you connected...
in some ways or the other....
on the serious side...

thats all i want...
just that connection....
moderated from the other side....
but strongest from my port...
thats wad friends really are....
at least for me...

thank you thank you....
you just gave me the biggest hint .... thank you...
that was all i needed...


cant forget....
woohoo
day was fine....
went out roller blading @ ECP with
a really nice person not to forget a very very beautiful person...
influence of arts maybe...

played a very interesting...AOM battle...
on of the most memorable...
dint win though...but also dint let the others kill me easily....
thats the code....the plan
always have a backup plan...no matter what...
if you dont...create one...
if the other is a casualty.... dont leave hr alone..nvr...

learn that...and remember that...

since i have already revealed what i shouldnt have...
its upto you to get it....
maybe only the "concerned" person will get it...

cause as they say

Impossible is nothing...cause it itself says...
I
M
Possible....


LOL

tomorrow is gonna be fun....the IP will be doing a part of Cyberbeast stuff....
show them who you are....
shock em...


loves and dont forget to add a prefix to it.....maybe tons, megs, gigs..... a hell lot than one can imagine it...
thats me...


incase the reply was for me...thnx....maybe till now you might have got the idea that all the above mentioned happiness was because of you LOL....haha

thanx.... friend...

SaNdEsH

he who always "was" and never "is" but dreams for the "will"

dont get it...?????? dont worry.... thats me...
no one knows me...

people know the known and i am unknown

CyberBeast rising.....

<3>

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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahah
i cant stop laughing.....

making references can be fun
puhleez do not think writing all this crap for you

hahahahah

got a sad side too....but i know whats gonna happen
so i better KEPT it to me...lol

haha

well
something hurtful....but definitely funny...

today was very very boring...
Got up at 4.30am ....decided to go for a walk....

was damn nice...
i was thinking about stuff...and i guess at some moments
i was thinking too much about it...i really cant stop thinking about it...
maybe things will change now....A BIG MAYBE @ that...lol
sipping 100 PLUS and playing with someone's pet dog was fun....

came back....and went to Hindi School to collect results....wth...
i dont wanna see that
expectations too high....
output is always low...

came back
had lunch...

played AOM with the others...quite fun lah.....then watched CSI and had dinner...
played again

went up...to check
ended up in a big blast of laughter....hahahaha

hey hey nice one, if those lines were for me...then maybe i should be rightful in justifying myself...
whatever bullshit i write here doesnt or to be truthful very irrelevant to you...seriously...i dont get it
why everyone...and you too end up thinking it s about you....oh god.........wth...
even then...i cant resist to apologize...for the earlier...things... cmon
you know the truth....








aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

it hurts...loves
SaNdEsH

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well it cant get any better than this
you feel as if you are going towards the correct road....
and suddenly in the middle of nowhere you realise that nothing is right.... wth

i just cant seem to forget it....i dont know
it happened so suddenly...

wth


i dont understand who that "thing" is directed towards....maybe maybe
i dont know...*
all i can say.... wth..

acts of ignorance are clearly visible...
reconciliation is not how it goes...
once lost is lost forever....haha...(sadly)

wth..

but i wont ever ever ever 4get..
never....it was different...the air...the life...everything...
all i wanted to have was very simple...
and maybe i was right in demanding it too...
but somehow....as usual i m never supposed to get it... so now i freakin decide to suicide...(of course not in real lah)

i have taken the decision...the decision to stop it all....everything
maybe its time for me to re conciliate with someTHING...
i am trying...my best...but somehow.....its difficult to express...

its just natural..
wth..

today was the third...

i know..its not intentional
its not even wrong, i guess...everyone has reasons...whether they are valid or not is a different thing...but ....
wth...

its filling me upto my throat...
i m breakin down...why...??

am i supposed to be always deprived like this....maybe not anymore...

although not many have noticed the change in me....perhaps its good for me only...but
wth...

erm...
i am not going to delete my tagboard....
it is the sole representer and maybe to some extent true..LOL

but after all this
i must learn to get out....
i have the life vest..but i feel like removing it
and see for myself what it really feels to be INDEPENdANt

...haha
wth...

many days have passed and i guess i will say it out today

thanx...

thanx for being a part of my life....all those things do really matter for me...no matter what
i cant forget them...time passes on and we all have to accept the things...and the way they go...
cant really help it
m not blaming or stamping on someone's forehead...
everyone has something for someone...
and i guess i have heard that...
people get angry over others only if they care about them....

so basically i guess lookin at the positive terminal i guess i dont need to think so much about it...
but to be very honest...it did freak me out like hell
and all i ever wanted to communicate is some magick words which (although i know wouldn't have)...wth...
nvr mind...

incompleteness is in...

re-conciliation is OUT....

oppsite leh...but i am not thinking about it anymore...not till now atleast...

the original post was something else actually, but since you did not want to see me
saying certain things...
i edited the post...

and erm ya...maywhat...

i still do...
so ya...

dont worry i can get over it...


somethings that were told initially makes me feel that i m in the same situation...
maybe ...
wth..
but still then all that matters is you being happy...

i m sorry mom...i dint get it to you...
i fuckin failed to do that...
:(

i just cant see it anymore..i just cant

{[(and ya...i respect you more than i love you...coz you are someone special...someone way to different....to find your way through my....}])
three different contexts....but definitely true for y'all

i m not sad,,,....contradictory to what people are assuming i am...but i m just not SO happy about the way things are turning out into....

maybe i have to change...i am incapable...
i m responsible for this...

let me repent it...

loves
SaNdEsH (and guys...pls...there's nothing meaningful in interpreting SaNdEsH....there is no link with my name to any of the things...)

tk cr...
i m happy u r back again....
cheers
woohoo













MOOD
:*(

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haha
hahahaha
hahahahahaha

thats what i felt after somethings

morning was quite ok...
received an unexpected certificate for the Mobile Animation Challenge...lol

watched Sin City (the left part) like twice in the morning...
people were coming in class...trying to show off...saying somethings ..

got physics and maths..
quite ok ok...lah
not so bad...

i love black shiny reflective surfaces...
allows you t forsee things...
maybe even give the others ideas about it..
but very very slightly...

haha..
it was then...that i observed something

something that can only be best described in the following words...
"an observation of the best possible element of perfect cuteness..."
yup yup
thats how you can go about it..lol

Sandesh
take care

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today everything was different...
way too different..

i was happy (i mean even after.... )
maybe i should go like this...

morning was ok ok...made some plans for the day...
was thinking and thinking...
school was pretty fine...
SIN CITY rocks..woohoo..only wish Ms. Sandhya could have let us watch a bit more of the movie...
But nvr mind the class is borrowing the movie...so ya will watch it completely then...

well today...after i came to know...i wanted to press the SEND button in the morning...
i couldnt even at the end of the day...
i mean i was literally scared that something worse (of course wrong) could have have been interpreted...
something was not allowing me to press the SEND button..something...
i was even about to go ask kndn whether i should press the button or not...!!!
but then i reflected on the fact that...i mean...maywhat the others or even she might be thinking...
(which is not true...) i mean i know what is true and what is not...
a concern is a concern, you really cant prevent it to occur..
people are important to me...i dont care what they think of me...
especially some...
in a flash...i pressed the SEND button...i dint care a heck about the consequences...
i felt it..i mean i really pictured the look...couldnt have been more disgusted than this...
haha...but was definitely funny...

well people were busy today...or at least it seemed to...
some in class matters...(alrite get over it sandesh)
some in personal life...
some in just nothingness....(complete silence over emptiness....)

but i wanted to just try out something...something that
could have made things worse...awfully worse

although i m not expecting a reply or anything of that sort...
i do get the indirect message that something is really gonna be bad...(not related to what i have been talking about lately)

but, i can take it as another risk or maybe 0.5% potential risk...
i love taking risks...whether its with my own life....(even more if its mine for somebody...people i guess could have recognised...this>>)

missin ya tons and gigs...
SaNdEsH
Take Care...(decided on something new....the old style made people infer wrong things out of it...)

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hey guys...
am back again
the me...the old and new me

ya i know its very contradicting to say the old and new me...but
its true...and erm i cant let anyone affect it..
so ya...

today played AOM like mad....was fun actually...
i learnt a new strategy...maybe i will put to use tomorrow... if i get to open my laptop..

i have taken a swear that i wont turn on my laptop for 2 days if i dont get good marks for a subject...so each subject i get bad marks (below my expectations lol)
i wont turn on my laptop...so ya..

yesterday was quite fun...i mean not so much but kinda ok leh...i mean it
was the usual boring sunday...cancelled some plans..postponed them today

saturday was much better than the sunday....went McD @ nite....i went there roller blading and was trying to teach di how to roller blade while coming back....haha for the second time in like 4 months...
last time when she tried blading she had to wait for like 3 green lights at the crossing to cross the small zebra crossing...haha...cant forget..somethings are just stored as permanent cherishing moments....like talking to you about anything...haha..

the days seem so boring and dull...the nites are so much better....at least you are sure that no one is there for you....you cant even really decide that in the day...you have to suspect whether people want to be there for you or not in times of need....lol
well one thing i get to know.... apart from the fact that gujjus dont have a freakin sense of courtesy...especially gujjus whose names start with with B and K...freakin hell..
people are just concerned about themselves...,mistaking other people's thoughts (this line...) has nothing to do with somethings that were happening in the past)
these people just dont think....never mind...i guess i should practice some self-anger treatment or something like that....but (NO)

well one more thing...i cant forget, so basically something abt has to come out...rite?

i m sorry about...that...are you feeling(s) (getting) any better(?) now...???
well ya i could see you doing that...haha...sporty i guess.....or maybe something else...
haha


loads and loads of hugs to plain air (who else do i have declare as mine or maybe PUBLIC..get the joke?? (clue.. tgbrd) and maybe to tht person too lol

SaNdEsH
Adios

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well nothing new today...
went school...
got the so long awaited full day...
stayed back in school for some
things...
was expecting you...at a very freaking unexpected location...
came back....and slept
was woken up by Mr. Tan Chong Kiat at around 8 at night...
for a meeting in the hostel.
and since then i have been slacking like hell..

i dont know what is going to happen next...
maybe i am the next in line..
i dont know...
but seriously i dont mind lol.
if its supposed to be for her....with all my heart...
i m glad...
called someone...and was reminded...reminded of the days
the days
that once go...would never come back...
but even then .... you still want them to come back...

so ya...
i did..

well...i dont know what is happening...maybe i shouldnt
bother about it much

i love you mom....
thanx..


loves
Sandesh



the only thing that i want to expect from you..

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haha
thats the first thing
secondly to clear out some misconceptions among the readers

i dont want her to be with me..or anything melodramatic like...i want her to be mine..
no
no
not at all..

thats why love should be UNCONDITIONAL....nothing else...
so maybe some ppl are mixing up the concepts...


and i get why ppl are so angry with me these days...
but for their sake, maybe i should just state that...
ITS NOT YOU....I DONT KNOW WHY I GET THE FEELING THAT
YOU ARE THINKING THAT I LIKE YOU OR SOMETHING...
MAYBE YOU SHOULD REALLY START DIPPING INTO THE DETAILS

NO OFFENCES...BUT THATS THE TRUTH..lol

and again
diatribes dont affect me..

well the day was a bit sleepy...
we won invigorate...as stated in the earlier post..
i mean that was so DUH..

sorry 12

and i m so damn happy i jacked the correct file...
congratulations Nh...i told you already...so ya
lol...

well ya...and please people and the stated
please i dont like the person whom y'all are thinking i m..

cmon guys....
i mean....there are other things too than "that"between ppl...
i hope you understand what i mean..

never mind..
toady i m only sad that i dint do well for chemistry....freakin low than my expectations..
so it turned me off..

maybe if the reasons were enough...and you realise that i m sorry
please unblock me..

k?

well i dont know what to do...maybe should kick some norse ass...AOM
btw....ppl i guess the use of ass should be limited to private uses only...
lol

dont worry
i know who you are....it was easy to find..

take care
Sandesh

and ya as rising among the readers and also among one particular...please dont take my name SaNdEsH too seriously...its supposed to mean nothing...its just there...i mean i just typr it out...

lol

SsNdEsH...

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****

yes that is how i feel like starting today's post...
why?? you will get to know..

morning...was ok...dint feel like getting up but
remembered (of course....its like freakin duh)
went school
assembly was quite fine..
invigorate started....
handball was quite fine...
accompanied by some cool goals by me...
lol

this one i have to admit was really cool..
i scored a goal under mine, the defender's and the goalkeepers legs...
with my back facing the goal..

nice to hear people say
"sandesh can do anything if he wants it.." man
that is something i wish live up for...yo

well i was trying to concentrate and keep my focus on
the game...but suddenly...it just appears that its not easy to bear the pain..
oh yea...my back paining damn badly..

and later throughout the day...i was trying to think...
but someone just disappeared....and some just appeared...
freakin co-incidental...
and best when you come face to face...to do what....

"Hey...hi...hows your day" (ofcourse i dint say that....although wanted to say that
with other words too..but its seemingly impossible) i am sorry
but as they say...
Impossible is nothing....cause it itself says ...
I M POSSIBLE...
so ya....i will still carry on the pain and try to hope for the best...

the girls floorball final was very very suspensive...
well of course we won lah...not just the finals but the whole tournament..

haha
12
thats for you

well thats cause...we met them most of the times in the finals..
and girls you rock...!

well at the end of the day...
V11 rox...
u too

i m scared....and can i just ask you to...please...
not act like that when i m around...
i mean i know its like freakin embarrassing for you...but...
i just cant take it...i mean...
its very painful...for me...

i know you will understand..
i will tell you tomorrow...

loves
Sandesh

supposed to mean something... salutations...for this post only....
freak





and erm ya...
Sanchit and some people around think...they know everything...not knowing that...they are fooling themselves..and freakin acting like FUCKIN comedians...

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erm ...

morning full of hopes...
hopes to do it and just say it to her
but seems that threads of life /\/ arent meant to be harsh
so i did not...as well could have become very embarrassing
for the 5 of them...? get it...
assembly passed on fine....
and then it all started...

Floor Ball
DRAW 0-0
DRAW 1-1
WIN 3-2
WIN 2-0
"WIN 1-0"

the one in the highlighted one is mine....i reigned the game LOL

then the finals....
dont ask me

was it....*missing text*
its like....situations after situation...

lemme tell you about in DETAILS

imagine you are standing...near the stage....
then the Ball comes near you
with the ball comes 4 or 5 bulldozers together...i mean the players lah
and they just whack their sticks at you
....you jump...land down..jump up..take the help of the stage and the people...and do a classic stunt...
land down jump again two times...
the ball is somehow hit towards the opposition's goal post...and you hear people
saying..
"Sandesh...man you are a daredevil....you some karate kid or what..""
i was like HUH....what the hell is that supposed to mean...whats so fantastic about being caught up with a ball....and some guys with sticks in the middle... and you just do "something" so that the game goes on smoothly...
another one occurred during the game..
you have the ball...
you are going....
someone fuckin dude just whacks the stick onto
your feet..
you know its a fowl..you can hear the whistles...
but you just dont want to stop....cause you
are in such a good momentum to control the ball... and thinking
of taking an advantage
after a while...when you cross... everyone tries to trip you
but somehow...you just give up
and in an essence to stop your momentum
you jump...in some person's views...(COOL)
and you come out of it...
..

i was deciding to do a 360 stunt....but thought ...that people
might count that as show of...speciallly.....some
so i decided not to do anything like that..

but still then enjoyed the finals a lot..
man i could feel the field strength
till the corners....

LOL dont worry if you dont understand bits about the blog....its supposed to be
understood and interpreted by people who know...

then the rest of the day was going on and on and on and on
and was not ending...

A FUCKIN LOOK MADE ME SO DAMN FRUSTATED....
i had nothing to do except show my anger on a BALLS

the volleyball
the floorball

i mean i dont know....was walking with something in my hands....
i never knew that...that the force was there..
and then *missing text* saw me....and

i dont wanna say any further...
that was like the most embarrassing thing for me../

i mean ... i can understand that there can be reasons
but i just dont get it when they dont tell me... e
and so so unnaturally...

never mind....what do i do about it..
get hold of a floorball....
go to the hall..play some informal soccer with gbrl
and then
played alone...
and guess what...
the ball
goes to the back door...

and what do i see................................

*missing text*

but i dare...go take the ball
continue on my own..

i fuckin kick the ball here and there...and nothin is so good about that...
i learnt something...

AFTeR THE DAY ALL I COULD THINK IS..

















IIIIIIIIIIIIIII MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I M NOT SURE WHY nH IS SO SO DAMN ANGRY WITH ME....I DONT KNOW...WHY I COULD SEE PEOPLE WHACKING ME (THE LAST FEW WORDS SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING ELSE)
WHAT DO I FUCKIN DO ...IIIIIIII DONT KNOW....
LIKE A SETBACK
"MISSING TEXT* I WAS ABOUT TO TEL L
OR MAYEB FUCKIN BLURT OUT IN THE MORNING...THAT I
LIFE IS COMPLICATED AND THAT

I CARE ABOUT YOU CMON...


I M SAD...
BUT INVIGORATE WAS A BIT FUN LAH...NOT SO BAD

V11 ROX ...

i dint get to see u much around....but i knew you were there...and maybe you could understand why all this is happening..
sorry for not talking to you today..
i was just thinking about *missing text* or should i replace txt with name
i dint care about anytHing else...




but yups
i do love you

and that all that matters
my eyes are red...and my cheeks are salty...(dont ask why...? you know the truth)cry
just that the little possibilities are way to difficult to see....sometimes i feel like telling everyone...but then i m afraid....

please dont let this affect me.....

SaNdEsH
@dios


i dont want to leave you like that...but please dont force me to do so...i cant go against your desires....

i love you
and always remember....maywhat happen i will always be there for you...the reason why i m sad and not angry is because...i care....i care about you...about your life...and everything nice....

and above all i love you...even if you dont do that....

man i m already a victim of love...
remember the song by Good CHarlotte....LOL
maybe i will listen to it...





sandesh ....
i m sorry...please forgive me...i can understand that i am not worthy ofany forgiveness...but in my heart i m not so bad...afterall...i know that....and maybe with you around...i will never be..












hate myself...

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well no words...today also

just go through these lyrics....you might get the idea...

"A Beautiful Lie"

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles, baby
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

So beautiful, beautiful...

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hey guys
just got up
i was thinking the whole night....wht to do...
what not to do....for my own good
after all the ****ing things happening all around me...
specially with someone...in particular...
please please please i beg, i m not the kind of person whom you
thinking i m...i just dont know whats with all the people around me

EVEN THEN

I AM SORRY....MAYBE I MIGHT BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG BUT I DONT HAVE ANY SUCH INTENTIONS TO ANGER PEOPLE.....PLEASE UNDERSTAND

no one....I MEAN NO ONE IS TALKING to me...not atleast properly lah
that includes....
Nh
Ron
Anki
Paul
JoJo
please please i am sorry...especially the first person in this list...cause i just dont feel like hurting the person in any ways possible...reasons unknown to me too...but they are valid....in someways....too nicely

pleease please forgive

sAnDeSh
aDiOs

=(

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i dont know what to say NOW>.....
was reading some blogs....
all had the same intentions
what the hell is happening......everywhere...
i mean its like....freakin not what is supposed to be happening

i couldnt take it...
went for some informal roller blading training...
did 75 laps in 27.5 minutes.....
heartbeat rate max. - 184 per minute...

i think i need to go for some high speed cycling somewhere....i m searching for some hotspot velodromes in singapore...but i dont think there are many around here..

i think...speed is what makes me forget the environment i am in....
that speed can come in different styles...
self
aided
or sports

i feel like skydiving without parachutes....in the ocean...or maybe even on land....i just need it
i m a daredevil....i dont care about what happens to me

as well no one cares now....so why should i?
i m not sure qwhy Nh is behaving like that....i m not sure...why she is misinterpreting things that are already so clear enough....
something that i realised is that COINCIDENTS CAN OCCUR....thers no one saying that they are at 0% probability...

please please....
i am just hoping to let the things come back to normal....and that
i get a clue of it.....NOW

please if you are reading this....please try to understand that....friends are also important to me
and some people....whom once i trust...i just cant let them go off...even if they want to....
i do let them go if this makes them happy....but i always return back for help....(even if this doesnt make them happy....but i know it is right for them....)
please get the entire message behind this correctly....i can understand what you might be thinking but there is nothing like that. if you want i will tell who the person is straight....face to face.....but please....




aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my leg muscle paining again

okay i think i should end here....
think i need to massage my leg

SaNdEsH
Adios

there's nothing like that.....

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well what to say...
just got up after a long long sleep/...
and i dont know what to do next...
i m thinking about you
and still the picture not so clear...
reinstalled the software...even then no sign of improvement...
you are not saying anything....
but i can hear...
your heart is like an Enigma Coder...
NO,...i m not....but am i sad...
YES i m
why?
cause of MYSELF>>>
bloody me...
why dont i show my sadness so
openly...
cause...
nvr mind....i dont wanna say
man...its hot out here..
man.....that moron...brij turned off the fans..
asshole
















i hate myself...
and i M changing
please dont try to stop me
from doing that
cause i guess you know
its for my own good


SaNdEsH
Adios

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today was a day....
a day of silence and a bit of fun....
cut myself....my wrist filled with a hell lot of abuses..for myself
my leg muscles pulled...
got a bandage on my right leg...
morning....came...and everything went as usual..
got a glimpse of what it likes to be...to be someone else...
in a flash
school was quite fine...
assembly started...and i..i saw you after shifting positions...and also my heart...
saw ur smile...reminded me of something
i miss...miss..
throughout the assembly couldnt help questioning myself about some
things...that i know are not humanely possible
FOR ME
i saw you smiling and thats all that i wanna hope and strive for
even if i dont get what i want...U
just wanna say....that i cant forget you...and i will never..
may how much you trouble me...hurt me...
i will still l-o-v-e- you
i will still care...care
i cant possibly smile with the conditions
around me at the moment...
after assembly...
was pushing myself to the limits again...and
today heartbeat rate reached 183 a minute...
i cant take it...pleas please dont do this..
itshard for me....and i cant be strong without you...i need you
lunch at KFC with kndn, mrcs, gbrl...
a bit fun
got male, asking or should i say...
helping girl to get up of the seat...
"Do you wanna take the shortcut...or the long way" (around the table...)

came back
played bridge for a while and slept still 8pm ..... crying crying...
got up and showed some anger on an egyptian and greek god (playing Age of Mythology....lah..wad
do ya think...i dont have better things do than that..)
well and i m doing this..
have been asked to make a robot at this time...
so i have to do something
je t'aime...
and yes i m chaning....maybe it is visible...

SaNdEsH
Adios


i miss you...

and i love you...
:(

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fuckin....day
the pprs irritated me already...then some mysterious thingie happenin....

i feel like...apart from her...some others are also going away
and why i m thinkin like that....

Nh....not talking to me... (maybe that one i m more concerned of cause...cause...she is the one who is targeteed by the fuckin retards....)
Kdn....got some work...( can accept that...

Van....not so willing too...but atleast she replying to the sm's...but ya...)
and her.....

what do i do about...it...
what
what

went for playing some soccer......******f****** couldnt even play properly....PLAY????!!!! twisted my leg muscles....and i calculated....my hearbeat......173 in a minute,..>!!!! i was really going out of my limits.....i was pushing myself....why >???cause i cnt stop lovin ya...even if i fuckin want to say it....cause i just cant...
people around me, Evan, Willie, Gabriel, Marcus....were askin me ...to chill and relax...and i end up kicking some real...and fresh ass.... UNCLE ASS...

i hate myself....and ya thats for it...
but
please Nh dont beleive all that bullshit cause it aint got any meaning.....and thats what you know...too...

i m losing myself...
or maybe should i say...i cant help loving you...but at the moment...i got to make up for people....ppl like Nh....ron....paul

SaNdEsH....u suckkkkkkkk

SaNdEsH
sux

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ya...i think i am getting....very very distracted by all that is happening....maybe...
it had to happen
but even then...i think i am changing....and maybe that is noticeable..already hurt my arm...
i just cant ...i mean its very difficult...
everytime i see that again and again...i just cant get it off my mind....why did u lie...WHY....only and only if u had told me earlier.... i hate myself..

bt i do love you....

why...am i doing this i dont know..shouls i do this or not...i dont know....cause i am all alone, no one to tell me what is happenin and what is happenin...
i think i SUCK...no need to think...i do

FuckU
SaNdEsH

maybe this is my last post today...

MAYBE

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all i want to say is that...
people are damn wrong about what i have been writing on my blog...and maybe i just would like to clarify with all those bastards who think the way they are .... (WRONG). please dont keep on making fuckin interpretations out of my blog...

i know you knew it...but you never bothered to tell me or even confirm with me....i trusted you for a friend (maybe for something else too..) at the moment...you broke my promise and i am very sad about that....i knew this is going to happen....but lemme just tell ya...no one and i really mean no one....except 1 person knows about all the freakin bullshit going around here....i dont care about anything now...as i mentioned this earlier on my blog too...people do matter a lot for me and i can freakin do anything for them....and maybe for the better..... i m doing this too...i m forgetting everything....everything for u...... BOTH..

i knew this was going to happen....it always has been....
and in this freakin whole situation...there is no one to support.. me (maybe there is...indirectly yes there really is someone..infact 2 ppl only...)kndn "ampersand" nh
i dont carea about anything else now...

i m all alone again...as usual...(cant expect anything else...)
maybe i should never try doing this...ever in life...
maybe "the thing" isnt for people like me....or should i specifically say for ME...

i m very pissed off at this moment...and i dont care what is happenin in the blog.....maybe its too late to tell the people what all this really about...cause they have fuckin made their own interpretations about things....because of which.... i guess...even U have made your own mind....so its better...i fucking do against myself...and forget all that was there....

but dont worry...i might change....but its for the good..but even then.....i will always be there for you....even if you are wrong...cause there is that delicate relation that forms between two people...coming only from side...that cant be broken (even after being so delicate)...and maybe this might hurt me even more....but I do and will always love(d) you...

i m changing....and thats about it...
blackout rulz...and the lights are out....

SaNdEsH
ByeBye....maybe the old ways are better...


fuck you sandesh.....
listen to others...

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something is fuckin not right over here...and i think i know why...
well i dont care about it...cause i m not affected by "just" silly words... well the tagboard...getting all junked...and for erm...u....i know all that bullshit is very funny....but dont worry...maybe they still dont reckon my skills yet...

they dont know...that there is something called the IP (internet protocol) address....
maybe they dont know...there is something called a user account for POP3 e-mail services...
maybe they fuckin dont know....there is something called a password...(********)
and there is this art called *a****g

you people are serious retards...and i have to admit that...and yeah...please use some interesting passwords for your user accounts...they all sound freakin...ermm....how to say....oh ya..."RETARDED" like you....

and maybe if u dont know
it was not that difficult to identify you...
just a few lines of coding...

btw someone's bday in India....so maybe i m calling her to wish...
bye

and ya
futrez vous...

SaNdEsH..
sAyOnArA





nigga

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well...just came back from school after the bio paper....man i suck at it...
the paper was okay okay lah, but some questions couldnt do one..

well thats another story...

oh i m happy that everything is getting alright...or atleast i think so lol.. but i m changing and maybe that is something that is not going to reverse back again...so ya...

something weird is happening to me these days....i m getting up like 3 or 4 times in the night....donno why....i mean i just wake up, see darkness....hear the sound of the winds (i live on the tenth floor...so the wind quite strong and CHILLLY) and hug my pooh (not addicted to it...but it does remind me of someone i cant forget throughout my whole life....and yeah ...nvr mind...l8r...
cant wait for chemistry and IH optional paper to end...cause after tht got only one paper left....MATHS...i always love the environment around me during the final paper....and now that it is the end of years...
i m getting frustrated over something these days....but thanx to some people who dont make me feel that anymore....i have to give credit to the people lah...
Nh
Ron
Anki
Shob
ansha
and nvr the less....
u..)
but i think all that frustration is gonna come out like a beast...at Invigorate...the event i am desperately waiting for...i need to kick some ass....
lol
kidding...i m not that violent..so dont worry...but sometimes...when people say things that do not approve of her....i can get very very violent...(maybe i dont show lah...but yes do...and by violent i mean mentally...i m no Undertaker or the Hulk Hogan or someone....)

ok then...bbye..think i will take a short nap now...
take care...
love u
saNdesH
Sayonara

<3

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" wtf " ...

the only thing running in my mind...since last nite, during the exam, in the bathroom, while sleeping, while after getting up 3 or 4 times the in the middle of the nite(dunno why...maybe cause of it only lah)...not cause i mean it but because Nh said that b4 signing off...why why what made her say that...and end up the conversation...i dont know...whts happenin...please tell me...is it cause of me...oh man, its like damn not so good..i m assuming some really horrible things (wish they are false)
i am waiting for some sms
well i m getting all sorts of wrong feelings in my head...and all i'd like to say is.... erm
i am sorry if it was all cause of me...but erm...i dont find a reason for you to be angry(please tell me why u were so angry)...i m thinking what might have made you so angry with me...

just came back from school...and dunno what to do..cause...i m very very freakin confused...what happened.... i cant afford to lose
i m sorry ..




oh man
dont know what to say...but i think this is going to be the last post for the day...








well
in the end
I M SORRY Nh and ...thats all i can say... take care...

SaNdEsH
Adios

i feel like killing myself...okay i accept people in my life are important for me and i do care about them.....and thats why i cant afford it...i just cant afford it..


and yeah some reflections on life has made me realise that i need to change...change for the better...or change for the good ...i dont know... but i am changing...got a few days to enjoy the old Sandesh form of me...but afterwards....its all gonna be different...trust me..i dont lie....i swear


i will still love you dont worry,,,

now for the clue....
all the answers are in your mind...and its not the wise choice...di says so...but i dont care...cause the day i set my eyes upon you, i knew
that this is the person i was looking out for...and i m v...


the clue will continue in the next post
i love u
n



will always do...no doubts


sandesh
FCK U SANDESH

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