i see the shadows in the daylight,
and grief in the darkness,
i wanna be alone but still,
it just stalks me up and down the street.
pretty
dirty
well
everything
is twisted

and so beautifully

planned.

i want to change it. NOW!


shit... its so , so noot right...
help me.. pls

t :(

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Silence, I dint expect it to be so disturbingly painful to shake me up. I know there are things that did not happen, some rather "unexpected" things happening...but there is nobody to blame but ME.

I M TRYING MY f***ing best...
BOTTOMLINE: it doesnt matter

It will..



Things are goofed up and trust me.. no one can understand the meaning of the first 4 words more than I can...


Just came back from my Yoga class and all the while there, i was thinking..
thinking about how things have changed over the years...how I have changed over the years...
and how i dint wanted to have changed in someways over the years..but i still did..

i dont know whether i am angry or is it sadness that is filling me from the top to the bottom..
but may what it be, all i know is (and all that really matters is) is that it is for myself..

if i m sad, i m sad coz of myself..
if i m angry, i m angry over myself.. and coz of myself..



everything is so f***ing crafted cleverly that there is no escape from it.



Am i a burden or an asset?
I mean, what value as an asset do i hold anyways...
i always get the feeling that i m adding more and more and more and more...



from PEACE to CHAOS..
its so easy..
the journey backwards is so damn hard..


and I am here, fighting with myself, with my emotions as to what went wrong..and why arent things the way I had projected them to be..


I know this sounds crazy but, at times like this..
balancing your mind is so not easy..
it always remains biased..

it never tries to look onto the brighter side of it...



but..what brighter side can this "situation" have..
i hope it does... i know it does..


i think i owe people apologies..
(focus on the pluralities...)




i have survived until now..
from now i wanna LIVE! and there is nobody stopping me from doing that..


but at the moment, there is only one thing that stands in its way..

come on Sandesh... its just a hurdle...
nothing more than that..





sigh.
i wish to be with "someone" now..
but even that is not possible right now..





a composition for good thoughts..

a chance is all i want,
a turn is all i need...
i know i am behind the crowd,
but now i wanna be the lead..

waking up in confusion,
sleeping in chaos,
i have seen it all enough, i am tired of this sickness
and now i wanna end this routine..

give me the chance, give me the hope
give me the chance, give me the hope..





i dont know what else to say..
bye


sad
sandesh
:(

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this is so not what i was gonna write....but i just couldnt help myself..


day b4 ystrday was fun... real fun..
met THE GUYS...after such a long time...and had a blast with them..

watched Dostana @ Select City Walk...
the movie aint that bad...(better than i expected... but could have been better..)
nonetheless it got the the 2.5 stars from me..
haha
lol


anyways..
after that.. was a PIZZA TREAT by abk..
woohoo...



other people joined... and we greeted....and we ate...and we had fun...
lol


afterwards...

i had to take a decision... and trust me i think this was a good one..
haha,


the guys had planned to go to CR PARK to enjoy an evening of soccer..haha
but i guess, my intention to go there was perhaps more than just soccer...

NOW WAS THE DECISION MAKING TIME..


Should i take the "1 over a thousandth probability" (coz u said u'd be busy with SOMETHINGS) of meeting whoever i wanted to meet and risk spending dunno how many bucks coming back all the way back home on my own in the evening or should i just day good bye to the guys and just leave with my parents from CityWalk...

BUT
apart from the risks, there was something more in place, i knew my mom's cell was out of balance...and there was no way of "informing the concerned authorities..." ( i always remember this line in one of the forms i filled up for a competition..haha)

so ya...
in the end...



i ended up taking stands with the decision involving the highest risks...
and went up ahead with the plan as the others had planned..


after reaching there...and a few minutes into the game, i somehow managed to make a call...
yeah... and trust me..nothing could have been much "heart-calmer" than after i heard that "Hello" lol..
haha



blah blah blah...
lets finish the story first..
i reached home safely (courtesy: Paul and his Parents)
they dropped me back safely..
haha


and the night was alive...
hhaha








now to the sentiments..


most people would expect to be sad in the situation of the "take the decision" game that i went through..
but
i dint think like that..


later that night..
i was happy!!
the reason NOT being that i couldnt meet..
but

because..
i took the decision with the lowest possible probability of its occurence...and more than that...
i wasnt biased in the decision.. i thought thru the perspective of how (easy) it would be for someone to actually carry out the tasks he/she intended to (eg. Meet me)

i m very very happy i wasnt broken apart by the very fact that i wouldnt have a fair chance to meet up but i guess, it made me even more excited..
coz... "challenges is one part of life, i always open my arms for!!!" (yeah yeah, thts one of my original quotes... LOL)


in the end..
evn though i couldnt meet, but i was happy i actually heard "the voice" haha (err...not spiritually..but haha REALLY)
lol

again looking forward to meet up...
and maybe i'd want that to happen in a zero over a thousandth probability occurence rate!!
tht would give some meaning to life..




yeah...
omg.., i m now so desperate to meet..


anyways..
the time is coming near, and bridge must be crossed... it is a difficult path ahead, but the coin


has
to be
tossed!!








sandesh

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