Silence, I dint expect it to be so disturbingly painful to shake me up. I know there are things that did not happen, some rather "unexpected" things happening...but there is nobody to blame but ME.

I M TRYING MY f***ing best...
BOTTOMLINE: it doesnt matter

It will..



Things are goofed up and trust me.. no one can understand the meaning of the first 4 words more than I can...


Just came back from my Yoga class and all the while there, i was thinking..
thinking about how things have changed over the years...how I have changed over the years...
and how i dint wanted to have changed in someways over the years..but i still did..

i dont know whether i am angry or is it sadness that is filling me from the top to the bottom..
but may what it be, all i know is (and all that really matters is) is that it is for myself..

if i m sad, i m sad coz of myself..
if i m angry, i m angry over myself.. and coz of myself..



everything is so f***ing crafted cleverly that there is no escape from it.



Am i a burden or an asset?
I mean, what value as an asset do i hold anyways...
i always get the feeling that i m adding more and more and more and more...



from PEACE to CHAOS..
its so easy..
the journey backwards is so damn hard..


and I am here, fighting with myself, with my emotions as to what went wrong..and why arent things the way I had projected them to be..


I know this sounds crazy but, at times like this..
balancing your mind is so not easy..
it always remains biased..

it never tries to look onto the brighter side of it...



but..what brighter side can this "situation" have..
i hope it does... i know it does..


i think i owe people apologies..
(focus on the pluralities...)




i have survived until now..
from now i wanna LIVE! and there is nobody stopping me from doing that..


but at the moment, there is only one thing that stands in its way..

come on Sandesh... its just a hurdle...
nothing more than that..





sigh.
i wish to be with "someone" now..
but even that is not possible right now..





a composition for good thoughts..

a chance is all i want,
a turn is all i need...
i know i am behind the crowd,
but now i wanna be the lead..

waking up in confusion,
sleeping in chaos,
i have seen it all enough, i am tired of this sickness
and now i wanna end this routine..

give me the chance, give me the hope
give me the chance, give me the hope..





i dont know what else to say..
bye


sad
sandesh
:(