"i wish i could have given more than you could have ever imagined..
wish i could have given you that voice to your heart, so as to get inside it and defeat all the evilness in it."

i have no idea what it is.. i really dont. i wont even force you to tell me, either.
i faintly know what is making you think so much about it. But i have no idea why YOU are giving so much to it, when you know you dont...

then why bother about it anyways??

i cant understand it..


and sadly enough, i feel like a failure AGAIN.
i have no idea how to make things better..
i have no idea how to tell people about it..
coz its just something people are not gonna appreciate..


BUT
there is no way i am gonna let it go..

i mean come on..
i m not the one who'll give up..






"ITS NEVER about me... if it was, then i'd be snoring on my bed. Its about you, and thats why i'll sacrifice everything, me included."




If you wanna cry, tell me we'll cry together
if you wanna scream, tell me we scream together
if you wanna laugh, tell me i'll make you laugh even more
if you wanna let go of your smile, tell me & i'll die to protect it.

thts how much you mean to me..
but somehow you just dont realise that..
or perhaphs that is what i feel.


i feel sad and helpless (same qualities as of a perfect FAILURE).... i felt like screaming..
and i meant it..
but,

never mind...



the day you'll realise why i m doing all this, maybe then would you cry your heart out, OUT OUT OUT.
evn though i dont want you to cry but i definitely want that day to come..
this is so freaking painful..



anyways,
yesterday was quite fun. Cross Country was fun... i came in 161th (personal best) of the 800+ guys. yeah!!
my house came in second overall.. floorball was second runners up for Inter CCA run.



RP match was also quite tensed. its way different when u play against a bunch of National players... but none the less, i hope i learnt something out of it..got banged by 2 guys together...that was seriously the worst of it..

i assisted one goal, for which i am really happy abt, i guess, i could have played better.


went ecp after coming back...went to the viewing point, ended up being called to th ehostel to meet some guy. i'll go there again... its freaking relaxing.

came back to the hostel, found about the weird incident that happened....went up and slept.






i feel like an idiot (i have no idea, why i need to feel like one...)

today is hindi CA1 and i have no idea what is gonna happen..








i'll keep a cool mind..and go through everything, but i'll need you by my side di.
yeah..

:(






We Are One Tonight
Switchfoot

Check!

Tonight!

Tonight!

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all

We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now
And the world was burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down
Down
Down

The stars are comin' out!

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight
We are one tonight
And were singing it out
We are one tonight
And were dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed,
But these scars will heal!



Tallulah
Sonata Arctica

Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away?
And how you said: "This is never over"
I believed your every word and I guess you did too
But now you're saying : "Hey, let's think this over"

You take my hand and pull me next to you, so close to you
I have a feeling you don't have the words
I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away
Don't look back 'cause I am crying...

I remember little things you hardly ever do
Tell me why
I don't know why it's over
I remember shooting stars, the walk we took that night
I hope your wish came true, mine betrayed me

You let my hand go, and you fake a smile for me
I have a feeling you don't know what to do
I look deep in your eyes and hesitate a while...
Why are you crying?

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over, oo-ooh...
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh, Tallulah,
This could be... heaven

I see you walking hand in hand with long-haired drummer of the band
In love with her or so it seems, he's dancing with my beauty queen
Don´t even dare to say you hi, still swallowing the goodbye
But I know the feelings still alive, still alive

I lost my patience once, so do you punish me now
I'll always love you, no matter what you do
I'll win you back for me if you give me a chance
But there is one thing you must understand

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

:(

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"tht was magical."

like seriously, i had the same feeling myself.
wow... it felt really good.
i mean, when you really want something, and you get it the way you wanted it..
just feels so nice..

and it happened to me during 4.8k also. haha..



i really have no idea why you are being so paranoid.. i m so not what you are labelling me of...
come on!! you have been through these situations urself....but still you dont wanna try and understand whts going on around. since when did u become so biased to the side, YOU ALWAYS HATED? i dont get it...but all i know is, i am not hiding anything from you. i m still the same old person... but if that is how you DONT wanna see me, i cant do anything much about it. I'll always give you the way, its always upto you to go where YOU want to go.

deceive... i guess the characters need to be revolved..
whts wrong with u...srsly??? you are s'posed to be the one being here on my side..
come on di..

Called somebody after a very very very long time..
haha. fun conversation.. yeah!

i really dont know how to describe this... haha, but i guess, its quite upto what i wanted it to be like.

things change, meanings still remain the same.
if U had been considerate enough, you would understand..
but now that ur mind is all goofed, i have no idea whether U'd be able to clear up the mess you have made for yourself.

haha


I cant wait for Friday's friendly against RP. I wanna see their campus...
i cant wait for A Division also.



On The Wings of a Butterfly

Your friendship is special
Like the flowers that bloom,
Or when a butterfly emerges
From within its cocoon...

You remind me of that butterfly,
Loving and free,
Bright and colorful,
For the world to see...

We will share sunshine and rainbows;
Sometimes, the rain and the snow;
We'll stand together through it,
While the cold winds blow...

When the time is right,
We won't stop to ask "Why?"
Our friendship will take flight
On the wings of a butterfly ...


haiz... i miss people



"I am the one being deceived. What are your other options player, sly dog ain't the only one?"



i feel low..somebody cheer me up please..
i need my di. but she's lost in her own thoughts..


:(


Hastalavista
CyberBeast

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today i witnessed something...
something that can make the hardest hearts melt,
the strongest legs shiver (and it did happen with me, but not implying that my legs are strong)

i was shivering....or atleast my legs were!! I dont know why, but i guess, i found myself in the middle of nowhere...

It was just as magical, and i seriously mean it. i know it sounds really weird from a person like me, but i couldnt help noticing these 2 people like almost the whole time they were together... everything else seemed blur to me.

I could see those tears, those drops that felt like blood dripping from a wound. I know how it feels.... I have felt it a lot of times myself also. But today just reminded me of it again..it just refreshed everything in my mind.


I really had no way to comfort, no way to help out. Nothing at all. If i had one damned wish to ask for, i'd ask for somebody to never leave someone.. even though i dont know this somebody.., i know someone a bit, but i wont bother. i'll just ask for this somebody to stay on forever. Cause trust me, I CAN NOT SEE YOU SAD (NO MATER WHAT THE F'kin REASON MAY BE) and i guess, now the same applies to somebody as well. I freaking ended up bugging someone to eat. i mean COME ON!
I really wish i could do something for them, and i guess, the "mysterious thing" that i plan to do might be one of the things i can do for them. I need to talk to somebody about it. I need somebody's voice for the actual effect. coz without it.. there's just no meaning to it..


i definitely understand, what all you had to go through (regardless of whether you tell me abt it or not) but someone has to be strong. As i said, you are never alone. Even somebody is also there with you. You just have to know it in your mind. thats all...
and i know you will..



somebody and someone rock!! srsly! and i am really not ashamed of actually confessing that, even though i'd probably never say that directly.


anyways, i m feeling sleepy now...
so i'll end off here.


msg to somebody:
thnx somebody. dont worry someone will be taken care of. someone is in good hands.



lol..
i am going all random again...never mind..




i'll update again, if possible.
but for now...
SAYONARA!



adios
Sandesh





Song of the Day:

Graduation (Friends Forever)
Vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever



specially dedicated to someone and somebody!!
:)

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i m just speechless...
at one moment i was thinking that i might be able to help you cheer up,
but the next i failed to do so..


i m such a FAILURE. i guess, i just cant help it.
i do give a damn, people.

ya..


"I saw the bomb in your mind, the fire in your eyes and the timer in your smile but i still dont fear anything, coz i also saw the detonator in your heart"


i wanna get along...with the surprises and the truth...
and the "I dont know" 's hahaha

but its unique, aarrrggghh...


anyways this is what i was referring to..
No matter what happens my shadow will always be with you. And if you really believe in me and trust me, you'll realise there is no fucking way anything would ruin our friendship... you'll always be surrounded by this very thin blanket of people who'll always be there to support you and cheer you! even though you may not be able to see anything, there is "something" that is always there. even if you are wrong, the blanket will be around you, or atleast THIS thread of it would definitely be. You are never alone. You never were.


I"LL ADD MORE. CHECK OUT AGAIN LATER...

:)

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everything is so blur. like those times when you know something is there...but still you cant find it..


i m very very nervous... and i dont think the reason is hidden. maybe not for everyone..
yeah..



and just a while ago, after reading something... i m about to crash down..
it was just like those ending scores which hint you that the movie is about to be over..

it was exactly like that..
i have no idea how i m s'posed to react to this.

every decision is like those old weighing scales, when it starts tilting more towards one side.. the other side almost gives up trying to pull its own side down.

and this question just keeps popping in my head.. WHY?

WHY AGAIN? Where did i lag behind? its just so now what i had expected..


cheer up man... i mean you do deserve it. but just if in any case you feel dissatisfied pls do back out. i'll be very happy.

uuuurrrgggghhhH!!!
i m just confused...



f ew all!
like srsly!

:(

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watched Slumdog Millionaire today...
its an awesome movie...

no wonder it has been nominated for about 10 awards at the Oscars'.

yea...

anyways... had a tiring day today...
badminton...b'fast....slack....lunch...practice....dinner.....practice....relax...slack...NOW
haha


interesting right??
haha


not really..
so now tomorrow is the first day of school.. and i m extremely nervous..how its gonna turn out to be..
i dont wanna leave v11... it really feels like parting with ur brothers and sisters...
i just hope we could have stayed as a single IP class, like the way they do in TJ. (as wht i have heard from ppl)

yeah..



aah..
nvr mind i'll sleep now.
too tired..

bb
nights..



"Cooling it solidifies it, time takes care of the rest and the would will heal in a snap"

Cyberbeast

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i dont know why its so difficult to let you know the simplest of things in my heart...like srsly! i know direct communication isnt always possible but still..


some "ppl" just kicked me right now..
straight on my face..

i just want to pretend you never sent me tht sms... its so difficult..it just is..

the game is getting more and more difficult to play.. the players are having wrong impressions of me..and i hate when that happens...

i guess if i could scream my lungs and my vocal cords out..
i'd just love to say..

"I CARE COZ I WANT TO. MAYBE U DONT KNOW WHY! COZ IT WAS JUST TO EASY FOR YOU ALL THE WAY ALONG. MORE THAN THAT YOU'D NEVER EXPECT SOMETHING LIKE THIS. THE VERY FIRST TIME ALWAYS SUCKS... AND ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. I'LL REALLY BE OUT OF MY MIND IF I STOP. I WISH YOU COULD DIVE INTO MY MIND, AND UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IN THE BLOODY PLACE.."

and i really have no idea why i m crying right now..
well to really state there are many reasons..

i miss a LOT LOT of people..
but i guess, none of them care..

maybe some do..







"The day you realise why it was important, the river would have dried up!"




FUCK!
i dont have anything else to say..


have a nice week ahead selfish people...


I Want You
Savage Garden

Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chicka cherry cola

I don't need to try to explain;
I just hold on tight
And If it happens again, I might move so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want to

Come Stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

I'm the kind of person who endorses a deep commitment
Getting comfy getting perfect is what I live for
But a look, and then a smell of perfume
It's like I'm down on the floor
And I Don't know what I'm in for

Conversation has a time and place
In the interaction of a lover and a mate,
But the time of talking, using symbols, using words
Can be likened to a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat

Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

Oooooh yeah, oooh yeah

Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chicka cherry cola

I don't need to try to explain;
I just hold on tight
And If it happens again, I might move so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

So can we find out?

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out (I'd die to find out)
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you (ooh can we find out)
But, ooh I'd die to find out

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