haaa.. back after quite some time.. but no point dwelling on that..

here's the deal..

sometimes you have to look beyond certain things to understand the gravity of stuff... but well... not everyone thinks that way. Its interesting how everyone, although similar, think so differently.. i mean not that i have any problems with diversity or what.. but in some ways, i think ppl SHOULD think in a way that is valid for all.. but then again, its never too easy to understand what someone thinks.. all because of illusions and deceit. And when it all clashes, begins the proprietary war as to whose ideology beats 'em all. I think it doesn't serve much purpose... just something to fight about for personal glory. haha.

weird random thoughts plaguing my mind right now..

at the top of it, is the thoughts of someone.. haha yeah THAT someone.. remember? haha.. i have read some psychology books about human behaviour and modification but even they claim that understanding the realm of mind is way beyond human understanding.. and that is very very true and i can very well pledge for it. For instance.. i know this person.. (i cud go into adjectives describing tht person, but its not needed.... or well if you are careful enough.. , its already been mentioned before) so yeah i was talking about this person.. i have been thinking about this person for sometime.. i have noticed and known this person for a significant amount of time.. and well i have to say.. i have never had a first impression of a person so deep. so now after the supposed 'significant' time, i am at a path that kinda is blurred by the way things are going now.. nothing's clear.. how am i to see what is to come.. if i cant know what this person is gonna show me. i m stuck here in a dilemma.. no.. wait.. trilemma.. because.. i have to choose from 3 fucking totally opposite options.. A, B and C. Choosing A is what most people would have done had they been in such situations... but thats not exactly the kind of option i wanna go for.. its dangerous.. and lets just say.. it fucking kills the whole point.. of having those first impressions and feelings. So A would be my last option if i cant decide between B and C. Lowest priority. Then comes option, B.. option B aint so bad.. it seems rational.. in favor of... (i'd like to say everyone, but i think one, maybe 2 people wud lose out in the long run). I actually did try option B for a while.. it went well.. till things started getting deeper.. and from one thing.. led to another. Option B closes certain doors.. doors that i dont wanna close.. cause lets just say.. the the person kinda OPENed those doors for the very first time in life.. think about it.. why would anyone want to close the doors that leads the path to something sacred especially knowing that once u close them u cant open them ever again.. So thats option B... Option C is to just pretend that everything's fine.. and let things go the way they are and keep hoping that somewhere somehow u will see the unknown path in front of u/.. i m not exactly a fan of such pretense games.. its really not good at all.. or at least I SUCK at it.. yeah. and although hard to believe.. but this option kinda hurts more than option B. SURPRISING?? well thats how it is...

and the thing that is pushing me deeper in this trilemma are the facts that keep showing up.. every now and then.. and although it hurts.. but i let it go.. because (well lets just not go there...) so i am in a trilemma cuz of this person.. and i have options in front of me.. to some people.. thats a good situation to be in, for i have a problem and i have 3 possible solutions.. but here's where i drop dead.. i dont know what that person thinks.. sometimes its easier to assume.. but then i always assume the extreme.. which for a lot of reasons cant be validated.. how am i even supposed to?? possibly that person doesnt have an idea how much its eating me up inside.. and day and night i think about getting past the stage of making choices... and i just so think that i have spent too much time trying to decide...

i have my options and i have my reasons.. i have every good cause to fight out for it.. even though I AM at a disadvantage (again, thanks to the person)..

choices, and decisions, and emotions...

haha..

guess its all part of life.

be right back for more..

cyberbeast..