So, you wont just let go of my mind now will you? You just wanna grab every single inch of it and not let go. I can't throw my resistance at you, and so it is even more harder for me. I am currently standing on my newly bought apartment overlooking an extremely wonderful view around me, but yet i feel so blank and more than anything, THAT is not what i wanna feel. Where has that excitement gone?? where is that tender, feeble sense of enthusiasm? I guess it has passed, more like MOVED on, like the fading sound of a railway engine in the distance. HAHAHA, MOVING ON! what a phenomena THAT can be eh? Have I moved on? Have I, really? I think I have but my mental demeanor definitely doesn't claim it. I still keep dreaming about those things that happened, that SHOULD have happened, but ever more so, they NEVER did, may whatever the reasons would have been. So when and where does this wind up? A part of me wants to get over these things as quickly as possible, maybe pack it in a metallic trunk and throw it away forever, or perhaps bury it deep down somewhere in some place that i could possibly not remember. But then there is that OTHER part of me, which cant let go of it. Those dreams, ah, those dreams.. couldnt be more real than as much as reliving it, and yet I know being the dreamer... it will always be the dream and that REALITY is, inadvertently the place I HAVE TO BE.. no matter how much I detest it. URGH!

so here's to a new start that marks the beginning of something different... which at THIS point of time, I completely abhor even before I have experienced it, but this is not what i wanted.

so here's to LET go,

here's to MOVE on,

here's to start hating it even more.

i'll be back later..

and WOW, you actually started talking the way i wanted you too.. i wish we could have kept THIS going on at the time when it would have mattered a lot more than today. but i m glad, you reached that place where it went back to the way it was supposed to be. 2 years and 5 months... FUCK thats a lot of time to bounce back to normality. urgh.. THAT thing with you was such a freaking disaster... WHY?? i question myself and yet I am still waiting for an answer to pop. haha.