well today was quite a fine day...maybe a bit merrier than yesterday lol....much much better....Well Mr. Randel Siow, a teacher in VS did some painful looking message on my neck...and releived my pain a bit...it really worked...i had my eyes closed...and all i could hear is...cracking sounds from my neck...my roommates thought, i wont be able to survive what he was doing...Luckily i dint even feel a thing...i mean...after everything i felt so relaxed...forgot my pain started to do some funny things on my laptop... hehe..then took medicine and slept...

Got up in the morning today...and checked whether my neck hurt or not....well unfortunately it did...so dressed up and had hot milk and took medicine again...well, i was talking about my "test" yesterday....well today got awesome results...i was actually bombed by sms and verbal talks...so everything turned out to be fine...then classes started...got to know, we had no PE...so decided to sleep...and guess what....i dreamt...thats one part...I dreamt about whom? yes thats most imp thing....i dreamt about her...and that i asked her...she agreed....we were going around the beach...she called up some friends...and we were havin fun...then then then...i was about to do something....i think i was abt to say something else too to her....when everything started to blur....and i got up in reality...REALITY....and then looked @ the watch to find...20 more minutes...for the next lesson...so slept back...trying to figure out the way to reconnect to the same dream i was in...well even though i know it is very difficult for all this to happen in reality...but at least everyday, just haunt me in dreams..i would like to meet u again tonite too...hehe..
well then had LangArts...got back some marks...did quite ok...then ate something with the class...and then had maths...everything passed on well...except the last minutes of Maths...got so freakin bored...i dint study....i mean i seriously paid no attn to what the teacher was saying. then the day ended...played some informal in-class soccer and then settled to study in the library....till about 6pm...aahh I OFFICIALLY START PREPARING FOR MATHS FROM TODAY.. and had u, di and mom in my heart..to inspire me... cause these three are the only ppl in front i will always bow my head....whether voluntarily or even involuntarily...so basically...i am a bit happy today lol...
just wishing i can tell u how much i love u...but it is difficult at this moment... maybe not even next year....maybe in JC or something...but this thing will definitely has to come out....cause even if not that....she is a very caring and a good friend of mine...which i at any point of time, wouldnt want to break and that too because of cheating (by not telling her lol)....
well just remembered what one of my friends told me while chatting...to change my perceptions abt some stuf...and that is what actually happened...man she is damn gr8 at guessing and relates stuff....maybe she got some kind of sixth sense.....Can predict future...just like Heroes....
hehe

well thats it for today...
gotta go study now
sandesh
loves u
a lot alot alot alot alot

cant wait to sleep tonite...maybe u might come in my dream again....and that i get to be with u......
love u
tk cre
cant live without u, di and mom...
hats off for these three ppl whom my life is dedicated to,,,

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today was a painful day...i freakin broke my neck in bus 197 while coming back disappointed...from Chan Brothers....cause they were freakin closed and they freakin never informed me and asked me to come and pay them the money...

Well today i got to test somethings.....well the main one is about those...who really care for me...i mean the friends lol...and fortunately the results were upto my expectations...NONE...so basically left alone today, had to take the pain myself lol...
In the morning, i tested someone whom i thought to be a very admirable and respectable person...but maybe my perceptions and thinking is always wrong.... so basically got disappointed in the morning...i mean how can someone forget that the person sitting infront of u was begging like hell the nite before for help....and then the next morning...u dont even bother to ask...how i feel... Heights meh.. But l8r came to know...more was in front for the day.
The pain increased rapidly in the morning and therefore i was unable to do anything, in the sense to tell someone or ask anyone for help...cause i know, no one would be glad to....
The first two periods passed somehow....cause i somehow slept on the sofa in 12 (of course thinking abt her lol...) then called mom...and freakin troubled her in the morning...
oh god...sandesh...cant u take a bit more pain...and in return give less pain to atleast those whom u know who care about you.
Then, i wake up around 915am to find my whole shirt wet with ice cold water....surprisingly the sofa or at least the region where i was sleeping wasnt wet...haa....miracle of science...
Then the disaster started GEOG CORE lecture...
went there
nothing much happened except for some ppl trying to find out what happened...(just for sake)
then somehow Ms. Toh noticed i was acting funny...so she asked me...all well till then,..then i ask her to go and sit back .... (all this happened infront of her.... and carried by some freakin jokes..) and then everything started....it all came in a flash...
i mean
I WAS CRYING....I WAS REALLY CRYING....and suddenly i hear....."Sandesh are u ok? u seem to be in tremendous pain?"...what am i supposed to answer @ that....err maybe...
"Oh no, i am alright....this is how i laugh....just remembered a joke so am laughing @ it....." Hell

but i dint have enough guts at that time to say anything like that...neither did i want to (not atleast in front of her....seems rude wht..) Then somehow i tried to be strong and tried my best to not let anyone, that i m crying.....but somehow Indri noticed it...and showed some courtesy by asking me if i need some hot drink..well thanx for that Indri..(i mean these are the ppl, whom u can rely at times...nice person she is though...)
Then after the period ended...i sat back and tried to relax...but those pricky tears dint seem to stop...and since no one was there....i had to wipe them myself...and gather the courage to get up... and go away....maybe she might have seen what happened...and maybe it might have aroused some thoughts in her.... maybe she cared for me in her heart...or atleast wanted to know what happened...but i guess sometimes... such thoughts just ruin ur days.....maybe i will talk abt it smetime again...maybe...
then somehow tried to rest in the break that followed...but couldnt,....i couldnt stop thinking abt her...then the geog tutorial started...and the pain became unbearable and i had to walk out, rush to the GO, and told them the situation....since there was no teacher available, for accompanying me they were deciding to arrange for an ambulance...i mean i dont know aah...but was i looking that bad...that they had to fall to the extent of calling an ambulance...but Mr. Boy somehow arranged for Mr. Seet to go with me...and then best....we go and go and go...and find all the clinics closed....all of them...then my became unbearable, so he decided that instead of me, waiting for the clinic to open, i rest @ hostel...so he dropped me there...and then i ate and watched a short movie...then took some rest and now i m blogging...and have to go to Chan Brothers again to buy ticket...freakin right??

imagine if u were in this situation...
u waste 1 week for a competetion...dont study...ur end of years in 2 weeks time now....u get a freakin pain, which according to the PE dept, wont get well for abt a week....then i dont know what to do....fuckin....

well i m awaiting some sms replies....well not parts of the tests....cause i trust both of them more then my life....and that they are whom i need @ this moment...somehow i cant see them or maybe i am not wearing my specs....

hate myself
feel like killing myself...

what is happening to me...?? why why why

sandesh
love u
n

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no no non o onno no ono no
i saw it all worng
oh god no
dont please
pleease dont take her from me...

i beg u..

pls

i promise.....i will be perfect even though it is difficult for a sucker like me...

for u
i dont care about anything
neither life...nor death

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well nothing is so interesting today....got one award for the robotics competition, but not so happy lol....maybe i think i am being carried away...or maybe FORCEd to be carried away is more precise. what was that for....was it a sign or was it just my imagination...well may whatever the reason be, i would only like to say that....someday or the other i will have to confess in front of u, but i scare whether it will ruin the very seed of friendship that we sowed...i do need u, and,...well thats what i can say for now..
sometimes i just feel like challenging myself and telling the thing to u, but i fear..ii do fear...i dont think i would be able to.... it will....

well doono why, but i suddenly remembered someone, someone in a flash...wtf...why did it happen...nvr mind...maybe i think i should do as what one of my friend says....dont think about it lol....well btw she rox...completely rox..

aaah today really no fun..... except when i was thinking abt it and chatting... i was a bit lost and i even acted freakin dumb while chatting... its like like so freakin dumb, right....i mean chattin and acting dumb, fucku sandesh....u suck.......cant even even....aaah nvr mind...

well....i cant think of anything else...but i actually had a lot of things to say....and maybe i will get to say the,,,.....maybe not.....until untill it gets late...and i have to stay up awake....till till death...
u know its difficult for me....but somehow i want to tell u...but i am really scared of the consequences...but if u guarantee me....i will definitely lessen my pains and maybe it would be happy.
ok then
maybe l8r at nite i might add on something...
wait till then, if u want to ...

see me...u know whats in my heart...
just it is waiting to come out...and i guess...

bonne nuit...
je t'aime
merci neha...

sandesh
see me...get the clue...

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well, i dont know wht to say, but sometimes...things are not supposed to be happenin...i mean some good ppl, having to stop thinking abt things, which if not thought about can tear ur hearts like hell..and maybe i could clearly see that in her latest post on her blog. Man, things like these can be seriously painful, but to overcome this is wat is to be thought of. I know u r strng enough to come out of it...and i hope watever i told u helped u to go through and make watever decisions u made. I just dont want this to happening...why why why i question, why is it that...we as humans, arent so so i dont know how to say what i want to say...cause its all in the mind..but i guess u do get the msg. well, although i know u arent sad, or maybe u might be hiding it, but dont feek heart broken... cause i am always there to support you in watever decisions u make and guide u through the best possible way....u are someone unique ....

think i will sleep now
love u
sandesh

adios







nvr 4get.....
"u always a got a dog behind u, to keep u moving...., even if u cant find the tuna-fish"

creators, Tom&Jerry

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ahh...u r so cute

ahh...u r so cute

well all connotative meanings for the title of this post are completely acceptable. and maybe i cant deny this....but i can feel u here now...
the very thought about u gives me that, that feeling, makes me truly believe in myself... u brought me up from the dark and now i m shy enough to ask u, bring me through any darkness that comes my way for life...

i dont know what to say, but i think if and only if i can gather courage to tell u how much i love u, or perhaps show it u....but its sorta difficult.... i know...no way out....

well leaving that "hopeless" story behind...i would like to think and recollect all those things that happened during the day today.
Well in the morning got up....as usual and left for school for BIO make-up lessons.....i know they were boring...but i was trying to be at my best....but couldnt resist cursing and abusing myself for things... Got back some assignments.. (and i am glad that....I SCK and i literally mean I SCK @ BIO) fcuk sandesh well nvr mind...moving on...
having lost my mood in studying....so went back hostel....to find that the Dell ppl waiting for me...they gave me the things i needed (DELL rox) and then i had dinner...and went to book tickets for India for Novemeber....dint get a direct flight thought....but instead got a better one...so now i will also be enjoyin another airport of this world (making the total , 12...wooohoo i have visited 12 airports around the world.....COMPLICATIONS) My flight stopping @ Bangkok.
Well the place where we had to go was nothing less than a maze.....but after sometime i found my way to the top...hehe(well i want to find my way to the top with her now.....i need the warmth of her hands in mine, i dont like that chill in my hand @ this moment....got nothing to warm me.....my hands getting numb....number.....HELP ME....(linkin park rox btw...am a jolly big fan of theirs)) well towards the evening....something gr8 awaited me.... i met one of my dad's friend, nice guy he is.....i saw him last about 4 yrs ago and 7 yrs ago b4 that...so i went out to dine with him to parkway.... when i came back....he passed me stuff my mom sent me from INDIA....
thnx mom....LOVE U MOM thnx for the cool and sexy jacket... i just love it...cried a bit at the letter she sent with it....
well to really say females are really different people..., they make u cry, they make u happy, they make u realise, they make u LOVE...and i guess u too agree with that..
towards nite...i engaged in some good little chat with a very nice person i admire and respect....hehe i know very strange and LOL but serious...i do ... and yes i do....i do ido ... (less ppl around here on this planet....who fit into that list of mine....although this person found the way quite easily). something that is still running in my mind is the same old thing....do not back out... dont fear what might happen if u do... fear what might happen if u dont....and yeah always remember

i am there to support u no matter wht.... k
k?

Maybe i should sleep now..... its like 1.50+ now....in the morning....hehe....no sleep
u make my sleeps vanish...hehe

HAPPY JANMASHTHAMI

Sayonara
Sandesh
lv u

:)

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aah....am tired..

well the past few days are going quite well and i think its more because of someone. But as they say....its difficult to understand...COMPLEXITY rules man....difficult to join back those delicate threads... i will talk abt that l8r...

well saturday was fun...
Like always...i thought something different would happen, but FORTUNATELY nothing much happened..but i got to see that...that other angle of the boys... well that is something what i nvr would have expected in my whole life...but yeah as it goes..Exceptions are always there.

I got up late in the morning and my arm was paining badly, cause of that small scale accident in the bus last nite after the competition. Not serious though....but i dint care for any pain....That small cute girl's smile just made me forget all pains... well... if u dont get what the hell i m talking about...then lemme tell u

Me and my team got into the finals of a prestigious robotics competition (dont be surprised if i tell u that my team being from the IP is competing against the JC/ITE level),....so after me and some other seniors were coming back...the bus driver jammed the brakes...and the bus came to a sudden stop. We were in the aisle, preparing to get down to the first level of the bus LOL... i was the last person to get down,...and the worst recipient of the effect of the sudden stop. But while all this happened....there was a very cute little baby girl, who caught my eyes... she was damn damn damn damn damn cute....her eyes were like an angel's. She was standing on her mother's lap and trying to the press the Stop button, but cause of the breaking, she lost balance and was about to fall.. i mean she did fall...but somehow dont know how...she err...i mean i just put my arms forward...and luckily the girl was supported by my arms.. and then she looked at me...and smiled at me.... it was the cccccccccccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssttttttttttttttt smile someone would have ever given me...although i slammed against one of the poles and in the meantime also got one of my arm stuck in the pole or was it that the girl had held me. but i
dint care.....if after all that i can get a sweeeeeet little girl to smile at me...that more than enough
i would ask from life...
hope i can get to see that girl again...

so getting back to the main story...
i reached the Hindi School late...but everything went fine....dint even get to see Chanta Marruungi....went inside classroom...for the first time ever i saw evryone doing something .... and i could have expected why...
Classes were fine....with some unusual travels to the imaginary lands with.....errr...ummm of course..u know who... ( H @ nG eD...not the one b4
well dreams are dreams...not reality...and then i would come back to my senses and find a group of nice ppl around me....
Then some of the girls arranged for a a pizza and that was also one of the main key highlights of the day...
the rest of the things went on fine... but then after school finished, someone told me about what happened last saturday....and maybe since then i was a bit annoyed..but i think that there might be some truth in it..but no...watever is there...i promise to be with u, no matter wht....(evn if u are wrong)

aahhh well its again all about complications...Each nite i think about her... and i think that time is not far when it would be unbearable. I know that, what i want will never be mine....even by the application of the most explicit logic. :( i know i know....i dont and maybe i shouldnt be dreaming of such desires, but i just cant forget it...cause i love her more than anything in this world....even though she doesnt even know abt it...wtf....
i beg
give me pls....
show some magick...
i m awaiting
cyberbeast await magick

NO SECRET MSGS TODAY.... my apologies to all those expecting readers...

Adios
Sandesh
Cyberbeast

its difficult for me to tell u that i love u....

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