i m so doubtful..
never ever in my life have i seen myself in so much doubt...so much anger for myself..

but whts the point of thinking about it now...


but then the consequence is fearful in itself...
and i just dont want to lose everything i came to know....in a journey....




its just so painful...
but who'd realise it?? even the closest to me have given up hopes on me...

i am so fucking confused....
there is no way i can be happy at the least, smile..
even if i do, its fake..

but
it just feels weird...



every night...i think about it...
tears break free from my eyes...and ages after this....
i find myself...
in a chamber...

a chamber full of darkness....
even though there is a window...

i opened it and still there was darkness...
there is yet another window, but i am unable to open it...

i think i'll need someone to help me open it..
but whose this someone gonna be...



i can expect no one for the next 4 weeks...but maybe after that...there can be a chance...

and i m not too certain about help offered myself....please.
please..



i beg,
i dont want this to be the end...i want it to be the beginning..
th enew beginning...





i m sinking..and i m losing my breath...
i'll come up but, then will someone be generous enough to get me away from it...




maybe yes...maybe not..

i do hope for the former...





sandesh
:(