haha....is that supposed to be a joke or what...

well even if thats not a joke...i always do that way..
i m what i am...you know..


so ya

and i dont care..
now


so basically
things are not supposed to be mean


well..my projects are over at last..and i am happy i was able to complete them on time...and thnx to many people who helped me realise somethings that i had accidently overlooked..


well, i guess i will be returning to normal blogging now...haha hooray

so ya...


well holidays are over...and i m back...

to find something new out of the old..

lolz


but even then how does it matter...things that i expected have been left out at the place...so even better...coz then can focus on one thing...

i hate focusing on 2 at times..



so ya


take care
y'all

and a very very happy new year...


i have better things to do than..you know...
and i believe in it...and HARD is not the word for me





epigrams



lol



:D

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haha
nvr thought it would become so fun...

guys guys...i m doing a project aiming to make Web 2.0 more safer and first things that i have to study about is blogs since it is the best user to user direct platform for communications. currently at this stage i am programming a small software that allows me to track serial informations using the type of strings used in a blog...more specifically like those used for tagboards...

so ya...l8r i will have to do much more than that...

bt i have been getting some funny results too..

the first person to react to this was Nh...haha...i knew i should have told her about this b4 and likewise to all the ppl whose blogs i have been using...

funny...right..
but in a way... the suspense was gr8... for some..

But a few of 'em who i guess got a bit 'angry' tried doing stuff on their own blog so basically, it helped to learn more about a concept that i can implement in the software. Specifically, what if the same string is typed from two different ends...(computers)...my program would go haywire if this thing happened...so i have to focus on that...and all credits go to Nh for letting me no of a neg. for my program. THNX for that..

next was amn, he thought it was one of his old 'missing' friends...he dint panic much...but was shocked to know that i was spamming his tagboard too... haha...coz he assumed that MEE,...hahaa....was a girl and he wanted to go out with her...hahahahaha
hahaha
laughs and laughs and laughs..

so ya...my project is turning out so dramatically...but i think i should really consider telling the others b4 doing something like this...lol..or can become BIG freakin misunderstandings..

haha...

so in the end last nite i decided to tell v11, v12 that i had been spamming..today i'll tell the others...hhahahaha

but that doesnt mean the spamming will stop...i need to test my program until is fully finished..so u can expect more shout outs from MEE....

there's a reason i chose the name MEE...since it sounds so so...i dont know...but it sounds funny...
gt it rhn???

so ya...

btw....thnx everyone for helping me..

i gotta rush to the club..
got some friends waiting there...

bye
tk care


and Nh, pls dont react like the way you did...
it was indeed shocking..

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well its really difficult to judge people solely on "the" basis...
as what we always do...

well i have another guest for my lists today...

i knew this person since a very long time, my judgments of course being in favor of everyone.....i always knew that one instance would, infact all that was needed to sum it all up...and i got that instance some days ago...

well....am trying to know more about the person...as according to me the person is in "the list"....i mean yes, the person is different....why?why? why was that sense of "make you cry" innocence made me think about all that i could about the person...i mean i have seen that look on many faces....but this time i guess....the eyes...

well life's complicated and i guess something with the person is too...dont know....looks like...person got a lot of things to say....maybe the person is saying it out too....but never the less...the grief of "IT" is never contemplated to the extreme core of expressions...
well...i really dont understand...

but i guess...i will trust the person...

well Happy Bday abhishekh, lol..
ya i know it was all random,,...but its ok...

met the guys and some gals'
had the time of my life....
accompanied by the instance of meeting the 'person'...

and yah....i was being watched by two fearsome eyes....
i still remember ...
"I'have mah eyes on u..." hope this makes it even more clearer...

lol


well...
i spent some time helping out somebody as mentioned in the last post. and btw thnx for letting me...haha...

and i will try to rejoice everything by...contemplating trust with the element of a bit of love and and an extra mixture of friendship...... to get over it..

come online soon...
dont just sit back there....cause i am there..
always there...wht..

lol

now whose this erm fella...
dude/dudette reveal yourself....


haha
for the moment ..


SaNdEsH
Take Care

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i dont know...

everytime i read up...
i feel like going in front of her and talking everything out...
and pull her out of her misery..

but everything isnt just so easily possible as it seems so..
i know i have given up the hopes...

but still i am a caring person and i just cant resist...
not at least for you..

i dont know...what all is going around you...

but it does seem relevant to assume that you are in a very happy environment...apart
from some hitches...that are normal in happy environments too....



i m trying to be as simple as possible here...


ever since the connection broke,
the short circuit.... fried my brain, tempting me to talk to you...
but i was scared...

scared that another piss off...might turn into sudden death...

i thought of alternatives...
i knew they had to work....but in a way they are motivating me to do something great..

i will do it....
and at least for once...b4 the last breath...

i will disclose the TRUTH....that at the moment...

erm.... only like about 1.5 people know of...

well ya....sarcasm is ruling in....
and red is stabilizing

but i m still confused...

talked to Kndn after a very very long time...(not in such a long time lah...but even then...LONG)
well i guess....

Timbuktu is a very nice place to live in..
maybe you should settle over there...with wife and children... (as well wife ovr there already)


lol
lol

just kidding...

so
i m having some fun time at the moment...
busy doing the SSEF project.....hoping that i would be unblocked...
and programming the updated version to one of my company's word processor.

well i m missing you to the core....trust me...

i want to help....



lol



SaNdEsH
missin ya..

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well...
i was trying to see and put up my views too...
but i guess it could become a bit too direct and NOT so good...
since it would indicate one thing for sure....

ofcourse i am not gonna tell you that..

so here i m...

all by myself...
trying to find a way out...
getting weird references and indications.... from some ppl..
putting it up...

just for YOU...

is it that i want the same "OLD" things back
or am
i aiming for the old thing with new perspectives and expectations

well both ways i guess the final result should be the same

aaaahhh...
its all so bad...everything

but i can only trust you..
ur word is law...but when you never utter...

its like hell for me..

i hope i am able to pass on the message to you properly...
cause even though you dont know about 'it'...no one does...actually..
except...

me of course..

i would want you to know cause...








and thus it continues...



SaNdEsH
Namaste...




lol

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yo
everything is so...so...

cunningly planned...
and what is the last thing you can expect....

something that is supposed to make you lucky is making you unlucky..

(btw....after reading the previous statement please dont assume i m in love with astrology or something.....ASTROLOGY SUX......sux more than.....more than....the suckiest thing in this world)

well i dont mind trying to tell the others...
but just that its very hard...

i had a very DIFFERENT kinda dream some nites ago...
i still cant figure it out...how in the freakin world can i dream of something..
something so delicately beautiful....i mean...

after waking up i felt as if the dream was some kind of...errr teaser...
the dream did tease me...

but that was the closest (and perhaps the best) imitation i have ever seen...

NOT Just An ImiTAtion.

haha...well never mind...dreams are dreams..
and for some people i guess i need to pass this message again...

I dont want any of the things i see in my dreams...

well never mind.. i guess...ego is the benefactor here...
LOL

well...suddenly out of nowhere (thnx Jay!!)....i got back one of my favourite games...

UNREAL TOURNAMENT.... woohoo...
it rox to the CORE...

and it should...
well i am planning to buy Unreal Tournament 3, after being mentally attacked by about 5 versions of the game..

UT ROX..

well everyone...i have been tracking down my blogger account a bit and the pop seems to be a bit low...
well lets leave that topic.

so how are you guys?....maybe just drop in a comment or a quick reply in the shout box....


Sandesh
UT freak


the change is in....and YOU cant do anything about it....
but that doesnt mean
that
i

dont
.....
...



and so it continues...

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haha
well...its all so contradictory, you expect something you get something else...
but
in a way its better for your self...

so now i am in India....Incredible India as the Tourism Board tags it..lol..

well surprises are all that i have been getting and when i say surprises....it includes the whole range from bad ones to the good ones...

left for grandma's place soon after landing in India to celebrate diwali.....was....fun...the firecrackers, the sweets....evrything...
missed SOME people like hell...which l8r proves out to be nothing at all...

LOL

so much of travelling made me sick...and i wasnt well throughout the journey.....but then my energy recovered....when the I people decided to go back to our previous school on Children's Day....was quite fun...the teachers....FRIENDS,...and friends......

i couldnt help remembering all the sweet memories i had of that school...my school....My Apeejay...
coz

Soaring high is my Nature...lol

Also met the "missing" ppl (different context).... but it seems that i have always been putting 100%+ efforts.....but the output is never above 20%...so what would one do in such a situation...
well
all that is not in my hands...its how they have seen the world around themselves...but even then.....'the input' would always be 100%+....for everything...

after coming back got to hear some really depressing news....from a really nice person...whom i was waiting to chat with in a while..

and you wont imagine...
all LP videos that i tried watchin that day...i couldnt stop remembering 'the news'...i mean why does this supposed to be happening.... are relationships* made just to be broken....just as they say..."RULES ARE MEANT TO BE BROKEN ....

even in this case...its not intentional breakage...its just circumstances...i do feel he doesnt go..
but sometimes we have to agree...that we arent capable of doing everything....
i guess...that was the END for the Libels....atleast for me....

maybe something big is in future...
i m trying to be my best....
although...i commited a huge mistake today...
i m not afraid to accept it....but i need to learn from it...

nvr ever am i gonna do it again in future....TRUST me...

i have been thinking about a lot pf people back in the IP these days....and
suddenly from nowhere...pops out a name in my mind that i never even expect to think of...
well i guess....
anger is what defines the limits...


someone asked me, why do i keep my blog so emo....so so not very understandable...
well here's the answer..

dude/dudette's
its not that its intentional...just that...i dont want everyone to know what i m saying...if they are brainy enough (like some...who have "OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE" extraordinary guessing powers...they can interpret the meaning correctly) and i also intend to put the theory of the intended readers....i expect only some people to really get the meaning of all the crap that i type in...

and with that...i
guess i gotta go
now

very late ready...
need to revise...haha...yeah...

btw
I will show 'em all that i can do everything that they can do...and no doubt that i can do it better...
mark my words..

take care$ guys...
missin y'all...
some1...

SaNdEsH

Hoping to see a colourful future....and a golden past....so that i have a bright and shiny present.......
......
....

lol

i know i sk @ it....but its worth giving a try...

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now

that

was

way too

far away

from what i was expecting..


why is "everything" changing so much...?? why cant we realise, that whatever form we are in, we are still ourselves only...? Changes come and go...but that doesnt make you...

at the moment...
i m not in a good condition to write anything....nothing at alll...

but even then...i would like to dedicate this post to some people for always or in any ways being there for me.....

wish...i could tell you how much it feels to be here...
sometimes...i feel that i should bombard with sms's and force
but to be true...i just cant...cause i want to be as natural with you as possible...

i always...cherish everything...i still remember the days and nites...
cause even still they havent changed....blackness...blackness...
reminds me of this song called All Black by Good Charlotte..

well after reading it up, you wont believe but i couldnt literally stand up...
i am still thinking about it...what is it that is making all this happening...


is it a sign...to show me that i m never supposed to get "it"..?
why ,,,, never mind i wont question....never...

god hasnt been fair enough...or should i better say that....i m in the wrong....

i just cant get out of it..



well...it happens...i will come out of it...
but the only thing that i am worried about is the fact that whether you would be able to come out of it. i cant see your sunshine smile dissappearing...i just dont want it... i want those smiles and laughs to always be there with you...if they arent...i will be there to give them to you...haha lol..


hahaha
well life goes on...and you have to undergo...

dont worry lah..change is always for the better....to reflect on what you were becoming and wht you wanted to be as a person...

why am i doing this...
i mean, come on i m not expecting people to read this...and acknowledge <
neither is the concerned one...the dear one...gonna..


lol
never mind..


today was a bit fun lah..

today can classify the day as Icomp day....was with the icomp people since morning...
some of 'em are going for..
competitions...thought could entertain them while they prepare...
despite all the sadness...cause i guess they are understnding...


i really really feel like killing myself...and all the people on this planet...
except some..

mom
dad
erm... n
all the "special friends"

haha just kiddin..i m a good person...just tht its difficult to find...lol

Loves
takes and cares..

SaNdEsH

if you really meant what you wrote...i dont mind expecting myself to be freed...to be given independence and freedom...to be unblocked..

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Should i just call it off..a BLOODY...
COMPLETE FAILURE..
and abort the mission...

no ..no..
i can remember...
something

something coming into my mind..

i m hacking as usual..
but more into my beast...
"Blue Team dominating"...

open door
laughs....

and the hacking is to be closed down..

it does give me the idea....the "idea" that
that
...i dont know how to say..

but there was something in the giggling something very very relieving...

it makes you remind of something...but you just cant remember what...
so basically its not a complete failure....NOT 100% atleast...

it


is


a



100000%
COMPLETE FAILURE...

why cant i just come out of it..
why

i mean i did put in my best...
i dint let anyone know...how i prepared..
no one...
i expressed"&*$"_)#%^@_!%#_#"#?#}
day and nite...

but still no results...no fruits...
inturn it feels like

like


going to hell..
why is it like that...wht is the reason behind that...what is the science...
AND... (not whats the meaning behind it...)

i have had enough of meanings and some freakish arts like that which i already forgot..


the only thing i can remember
is the failure..
and
THE FAILURE..

still then

CHeer UP
there are "other) things to worry about too...

well the day was quite boring....dint have much to do...
since i couldn't meet her in the morning..
felt like talking to her...feels like ages. infact in reality it really is...maybe not just ages...its been like lives for me about someone else..
and then as well...
she is leaving on the Saturday...so
ya..






loves...
takes...
cares...

SaNdEsH
Take Care...

FAILURES

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well...quite a long time since i have seen this screen
but why am i not being surprised abt it*
is it too melodramatic to happen or is it just
that its not supposed to be happenin with me..

i m not getting the responses i want
and its not because of just "that"
but maybe i might be thinking wrong about it...

i thought it would have been happier
maybe i could have gotten the "congratulations" msg
hopes are dying
and blackness is stirring in

blackness....!!!!okay i dint mean that lol
but still its no better than that...

instances could have been shaped more meaningfully and
perhaphs beautifully
althought beautiful is not the primary element for
the scenario since the the highest level of beauty is already in the
situation...


well i dont know what is happening around...
but i know

Sandesh
loves

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well...today was Ppl centered fun...not centered though...but cornered i guess..haha..
well i know thats lame...but cant really help it...lol

haha the day was quite ok lah
no jinxes..no curses... for me...I WISH
well got a lot of instances
whereby it was like VISIBLE and
i pretended to be my mysterious MR. X again..
haha..quite cool

change of moods is reflective...
but conveys....

day started as usual...everything went on fine in the morning...
assembly...
forget V26 keys...was worried like freak abt tht throughout the day
u..
staircase..
instances..
electives hub...
breakout...
group
praxis..
that was it..
and that is Financial Litera(ture)cy
i hate arts.....boooooo
well

so ya...am i trying to be different..or have i really become one...
some say i am trying....not saying showing ME
some say...ya say...i m becoming...

why ...
maybe the environment
has a huge influence....
a freakin huge influence

sometimes i feel i cant live without
but at the same time are the one hurts....

variable words shift the indication..
i know i make things damn freakin complicated...but
sometimes you just gotta accept it...accept that it is not possible to win


win the race...

to the path..
cyberbeast stuff....impressing me all day long...

well i guess the "change" was necessary...really necessary for my life...
its now become "the essentiality of the age...

lol
wtf..

but yes..


its hard to say..
but i miss you..
nvr mind...

wth...

loves...
SaNdEsH says he's osrry to all those whom he troubled...become a pest for...anyone...

thanx...

maybe the most important connotation for this is for only one person but holds validity for many others too...



take care...
nice to see "everyone" happy...

the biggest idea today...
"Money to impress others" is a sucker's game
i m changing
i m sorry
i miss you..

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hahahahahah
wooohooo
yipeeeeee

hahahaha

am enjoying it....
dont ask me wad,...
i like this game....
really do

keeps you connected...
in some ways or the other....
on the serious side...

thats all i want...
just that connection....
moderated from the other side....
but strongest from my port...
thats wad friends really are....
at least for me...

thank you thank you....
you just gave me the biggest hint .... thank you...
that was all i needed...


cant forget....
woohoo
day was fine....
went out roller blading @ ECP with
a really nice person not to forget a very very beautiful person...
influence of arts maybe...

played a very interesting...AOM battle...
on of the most memorable...
dint win though...but also dint let the others kill me easily....
thats the code....the plan
always have a backup plan...no matter what...
if you dont...create one...
if the other is a casualty.... dont leave hr alone..nvr...

learn that...and remember that...

since i have already revealed what i shouldnt have...
its upto you to get it....
maybe only the "concerned" person will get it...

cause as they say

Impossible is nothing...cause it itself says...
I
M
Possible....


LOL

tomorrow is gonna be fun....the IP will be doing a part of Cyberbeast stuff....
show them who you are....
shock em...


loves and dont forget to add a prefix to it.....maybe tons, megs, gigs..... a hell lot than one can imagine it...
thats me...


incase the reply was for me...thnx....maybe till now you might have got the idea that all the above mentioned happiness was because of you LOL....haha

thanx.... friend...

SaNdEsH

he who always "was" and never "is" but dreams for the "will"

dont get it...?????? dont worry.... thats me...
no one knows me...

people know the known and i am unknown

CyberBeast rising.....

<3>

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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
ahahahahahahahahahahahah
i cant stop laughing.....

making references can be fun
puhleez do not think writing all this crap for you

hahahahah

got a sad side too....but i know whats gonna happen
so i better KEPT it to me...lol

haha

well
something hurtful....but definitely funny...

today was very very boring...
Got up at 4.30am ....decided to go for a walk....

was damn nice...
i was thinking about stuff...and i guess at some moments
i was thinking too much about it...i really cant stop thinking about it...
maybe things will change now....A BIG MAYBE @ that...lol
sipping 100 PLUS and playing with someone's pet dog was fun....

came back....and went to Hindi School to collect results....wth...
i dont wanna see that
expectations too high....
output is always low...

came back
had lunch...

played AOM with the others...quite fun lah.....then watched CSI and had dinner...
played again

went up...to check
ended up in a big blast of laughter....hahahaha

hey hey nice one, if those lines were for me...then maybe i should be rightful in justifying myself...
whatever bullshit i write here doesnt or to be truthful very irrelevant to you...seriously...i dont get it
why everyone...and you too end up thinking it s about you....oh god.........wth...
even then...i cant resist to apologize...for the earlier...things... cmon
you know the truth....








aaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

it hurts...loves
SaNdEsH

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well it cant get any better than this
you feel as if you are going towards the correct road....
and suddenly in the middle of nowhere you realise that nothing is right.... wth

i just cant seem to forget it....i dont know
it happened so suddenly...

wth


i dont understand who that "thing" is directed towards....maybe maybe
i dont know...*
all i can say.... wth..

acts of ignorance are clearly visible...
reconciliation is not how it goes...
once lost is lost forever....haha...(sadly)

wth..

but i wont ever ever ever 4get..
never....it was different...the air...the life...everything...
all i wanted to have was very simple...
and maybe i was right in demanding it too...
but somehow....as usual i m never supposed to get it... so now i freakin decide to suicide...(of course not in real lah)

i have taken the decision...the decision to stop it all....everything
maybe its time for me to re conciliate with someTHING...
i am trying...my best...but somehow.....its difficult to express...

its just natural..
wth..

today was the third...

i know..its not intentional
its not even wrong, i guess...everyone has reasons...whether they are valid or not is a different thing...but ....
wth...

its filling me upto my throat...
i m breakin down...why...??

am i supposed to be always deprived like this....maybe not anymore...

although not many have noticed the change in me....perhaps its good for me only...but
wth...

erm...
i am not going to delete my tagboard....
it is the sole representer and maybe to some extent true..LOL

but after all this
i must learn to get out....
i have the life vest..but i feel like removing it
and see for myself what it really feels to be INDEPENdANt

...haha
wth...

many days have passed and i guess i will say it out today

thanx...

thanx for being a part of my life....all those things do really matter for me...no matter what
i cant forget them...time passes on and we all have to accept the things...and the way they go...
cant really help it
m not blaming or stamping on someone's forehead...
everyone has something for someone...
and i guess i have heard that...
people get angry over others only if they care about them....

so basically i guess lookin at the positive terminal i guess i dont need to think so much about it...
but to be very honest...it did freak me out like hell
and all i ever wanted to communicate is some magick words which (although i know wouldn't have)...wth...
nvr mind...

incompleteness is in...

re-conciliation is OUT....

oppsite leh...but i am not thinking about it anymore...not till now atleast...

the original post was something else actually, but since you did not want to see me
saying certain things...
i edited the post...

and erm ya...maywhat...

i still do...
so ya...

dont worry i can get over it...


somethings that were told initially makes me feel that i m in the same situation...
maybe ...
wth..
but still then all that matters is you being happy...

i m sorry mom...i dint get it to you...
i fuckin failed to do that...
:(

i just cant see it anymore..i just cant

{[(and ya...i respect you more than i love you...coz you are someone special...someone way to different....to find your way through my....}])
three different contexts....but definitely true for y'all

i m not sad,,,....contradictory to what people are assuming i am...but i m just not SO happy about the way things are turning out into....

maybe i have to change...i am incapable...
i m responsible for this...

let me repent it...

loves
SaNdEsH (and guys...pls...there's nothing meaningful in interpreting SaNdEsH....there is no link with my name to any of the things...)

tk cr...
i m happy u r back again....
cheers
woohoo













MOOD
:*(

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haha
hahahaha
hahahahahaha

thats what i felt after somethings

morning was quite ok...
received an unexpected certificate for the Mobile Animation Challenge...lol

watched Sin City (the left part) like twice in the morning...
people were coming in class...trying to show off...saying somethings ..

got physics and maths..
quite ok ok...lah
not so bad...

i love black shiny reflective surfaces...
allows you t forsee things...
maybe even give the others ideas about it..
but very very slightly...

haha..
it was then...that i observed something

something that can only be best described in the following words...
"an observation of the best possible element of perfect cuteness..."
yup yup
thats how you can go about it..lol

Sandesh
take care

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today everything was different...
way too different..

i was happy (i mean even after.... )
maybe i should go like this...

morning was ok ok...made some plans for the day...
was thinking and thinking...
school was pretty fine...
SIN CITY rocks..woohoo..only wish Ms. Sandhya could have let us watch a bit more of the movie...
But nvr mind the class is borrowing the movie...so ya will watch it completely then...

well today...after i came to know...i wanted to press the SEND button in the morning...
i couldnt even at the end of the day...
i mean i was literally scared that something worse (of course wrong) could have have been interpreted...
something was not allowing me to press the SEND button..something...
i was even about to go ask kndn whether i should press the button or not...!!!
but then i reflected on the fact that...i mean...maywhat the others or even she might be thinking...
(which is not true...) i mean i know what is true and what is not...
a concern is a concern, you really cant prevent it to occur..
people are important to me...i dont care what they think of me...
especially some...
in a flash...i pressed the SEND button...i dint care a heck about the consequences...
i felt it..i mean i really pictured the look...couldnt have been more disgusted than this...
haha...but was definitely funny...

well people were busy today...or at least it seemed to...
some in class matters...(alrite get over it sandesh)
some in personal life...
some in just nothingness....(complete silence over emptiness....)

but i wanted to just try out something...something that
could have made things worse...awfully worse

although i m not expecting a reply or anything of that sort...
i do get the indirect message that something is really gonna be bad...(not related to what i have been talking about lately)

but, i can take it as another risk or maybe 0.5% potential risk...
i love taking risks...whether its with my own life....(even more if its mine for somebody...people i guess could have recognised...this>>)

missin ya tons and gigs...
SaNdEsH
Take Care...(decided on something new....the old style made people infer wrong things out of it...)

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hey guys...
am back again
the me...the old and new me

ya i know its very contradicting to say the old and new me...but
its true...and erm i cant let anyone affect it..
so ya...

today played AOM like mad....was fun actually...
i learnt a new strategy...maybe i will put to use tomorrow... if i get to open my laptop..

i have taken a swear that i wont turn on my laptop for 2 days if i dont get good marks for a subject...so each subject i get bad marks (below my expectations lol)
i wont turn on my laptop...so ya..

yesterday was quite fun...i mean not so much but kinda ok leh...i mean it
was the usual boring sunday...cancelled some plans..postponed them today

saturday was much better than the sunday....went McD @ nite....i went there roller blading and was trying to teach di how to roller blade while coming back....haha for the second time in like 4 months...
last time when she tried blading she had to wait for like 3 green lights at the crossing to cross the small zebra crossing...haha...cant forget..somethings are just stored as permanent cherishing moments....like talking to you about anything...haha..

the days seem so boring and dull...the nites are so much better....at least you are sure that no one is there for you....you cant even really decide that in the day...you have to suspect whether people want to be there for you or not in times of need....lol
well one thing i get to know.... apart from the fact that gujjus dont have a freakin sense of courtesy...especially gujjus whose names start with with B and K...freakin hell..
people are just concerned about themselves...,mistaking other people's thoughts (this line...) has nothing to do with somethings that were happening in the past)
these people just dont think....never mind...i guess i should practice some self-anger treatment or something like that....but (NO)

well one more thing...i cant forget, so basically something abt has to come out...rite?

i m sorry about...that...are you feeling(s) (getting) any better(?) now...???
well ya i could see you doing that...haha...sporty i guess.....or maybe something else...
haha


loads and loads of hugs to plain air (who else do i have declare as mine or maybe PUBLIC..get the joke?? (clue.. tgbrd) and maybe to tht person too lol

SaNdEsH
Adios

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well nothing new today...
went school...
got the so long awaited full day...
stayed back in school for some
things...
was expecting you...at a very freaking unexpected location...
came back....and slept
was woken up by Mr. Tan Chong Kiat at around 8 at night...
for a meeting in the hostel.
and since then i have been slacking like hell..

i dont know what is going to happen next...
maybe i am the next in line..
i dont know...
but seriously i dont mind lol.
if its supposed to be for her....with all my heart...
i m glad...
called someone...and was reminded...reminded of the days
the days
that once go...would never come back...
but even then .... you still want them to come back...

so ya...
i did..

well...i dont know what is happening...maybe i shouldnt
bother about it much

i love you mom....
thanx..


loves
Sandesh



the only thing that i want to expect from you..

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haha
thats the first thing
secondly to clear out some misconceptions among the readers

i dont want her to be with me..or anything melodramatic like...i want her to be mine..
no
no
not at all..

thats why love should be UNCONDITIONAL....nothing else...
so maybe some ppl are mixing up the concepts...


and i get why ppl are so angry with me these days...
but for their sake, maybe i should just state that...
ITS NOT YOU....I DONT KNOW WHY I GET THE FEELING THAT
YOU ARE THINKING THAT I LIKE YOU OR SOMETHING...
MAYBE YOU SHOULD REALLY START DIPPING INTO THE DETAILS

NO OFFENCES...BUT THATS THE TRUTH..lol

and again
diatribes dont affect me..

well the day was a bit sleepy...
we won invigorate...as stated in the earlier post..
i mean that was so DUH..

sorry 12

and i m so damn happy i jacked the correct file...
congratulations Nh...i told you already...so ya
lol...

well ya...and please people and the stated
please i dont like the person whom y'all are thinking i m..

cmon guys....
i mean....there are other things too than "that"between ppl...
i hope you understand what i mean..

never mind..
toady i m only sad that i dint do well for chemistry....freakin low than my expectations..
so it turned me off..

maybe if the reasons were enough...and you realise that i m sorry
please unblock me..

k?

well i dont know what to do...maybe should kick some norse ass...AOM
btw....ppl i guess the use of ass should be limited to private uses only...
lol

dont worry
i know who you are....it was easy to find..

take care
Sandesh

and ya as rising among the readers and also among one particular...please dont take my name SaNdEsH too seriously...its supposed to mean nothing...its just there...i mean i just typr it out...

lol

SsNdEsH...

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****

yes that is how i feel like starting today's post...
why?? you will get to know..

morning...was ok...dint feel like getting up but
remembered (of course....its like freakin duh)
went school
assembly was quite fine..
invigorate started....
handball was quite fine...
accompanied by some cool goals by me...
lol

this one i have to admit was really cool..
i scored a goal under mine, the defender's and the goalkeepers legs...
with my back facing the goal..

nice to hear people say
"sandesh can do anything if he wants it.." man
that is something i wish live up for...yo

well i was trying to concentrate and keep my focus on
the game...but suddenly...it just appears that its not easy to bear the pain..
oh yea...my back paining damn badly..

and later throughout the day...i was trying to think...
but someone just disappeared....and some just appeared...
freakin co-incidental...
and best when you come face to face...to do what....

"Hey...hi...hows your day" (ofcourse i dint say that....although wanted to say that
with other words too..but its seemingly impossible) i am sorry
but as they say...
Impossible is nothing....cause it itself says ...
I M POSSIBLE...
so ya....i will still carry on the pain and try to hope for the best...

the girls floorball final was very very suspensive...
well of course we won lah...not just the finals but the whole tournament..

haha
12
thats for you

well thats cause...we met them most of the times in the finals..
and girls you rock...!

well at the end of the day...
V11 rox...
u too

i m scared....and can i just ask you to...please...
not act like that when i m around...
i mean i know its like freakin embarrassing for you...but...
i just cant take it...i mean...
its very painful...for me...

i know you will understand..
i will tell you tomorrow...

loves
Sandesh

supposed to mean something... salutations...for this post only....
freak





and erm ya...
Sanchit and some people around think...they know everything...not knowing that...they are fooling themselves..and freakin acting like FUCKIN comedians...

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erm ...

morning full of hopes...
hopes to do it and just say it to her
but seems that threads of life /\/ arent meant to be harsh
so i did not...as well could have become very embarrassing
for the 5 of them...? get it...
assembly passed on fine....
and then it all started...

Floor Ball
DRAW 0-0
DRAW 1-1
WIN 3-2
WIN 2-0
"WIN 1-0"

the one in the highlighted one is mine....i reigned the game LOL

then the finals....
dont ask me

was it....*missing text*
its like....situations after situation...

lemme tell you about in DETAILS

imagine you are standing...near the stage....
then the Ball comes near you
with the ball comes 4 or 5 bulldozers together...i mean the players lah
and they just whack their sticks at you
....you jump...land down..jump up..take the help of the stage and the people...and do a classic stunt...
land down jump again two times...
the ball is somehow hit towards the opposition's goal post...and you hear people
saying..
"Sandesh...man you are a daredevil....you some karate kid or what..""
i was like HUH....what the hell is that supposed to mean...whats so fantastic about being caught up with a ball....and some guys with sticks in the middle... and you just do "something" so that the game goes on smoothly...
another one occurred during the game..
you have the ball...
you are going....
someone fuckin dude just whacks the stick onto
your feet..
you know its a fowl..you can hear the whistles...
but you just dont want to stop....cause you
are in such a good momentum to control the ball... and thinking
of taking an advantage
after a while...when you cross... everyone tries to trip you
but somehow...you just give up
and in an essence to stop your momentum
you jump...in some person's views...(COOL)
and you come out of it...
..

i was deciding to do a 360 stunt....but thought ...that people
might count that as show of...speciallly.....some
so i decided not to do anything like that..

but still then enjoyed the finals a lot..
man i could feel the field strength
till the corners....

LOL dont worry if you dont understand bits about the blog....its supposed to be
understood and interpreted by people who know...

then the rest of the day was going on and on and on and on
and was not ending...

A FUCKIN LOOK MADE ME SO DAMN FRUSTATED....
i had nothing to do except show my anger on a BALLS

the volleyball
the floorball

i mean i dont know....was walking with something in my hands....
i never knew that...that the force was there..
and then *missing text* saw me....and

i dont wanna say any further...
that was like the most embarrassing thing for me../

i mean ... i can understand that there can be reasons
but i just dont get it when they dont tell me... e
and so so unnaturally...

never mind....what do i do about it..
get hold of a floorball....
go to the hall..play some informal soccer with gbrl
and then
played alone...
and guess what...
the ball
goes to the back door...

and what do i see................................

*missing text*

but i dare...go take the ball
continue on my own..

i fuckin kick the ball here and there...and nothin is so good about that...
i learnt something...

AFTeR THE DAY ALL I COULD THINK IS..

















IIIIIIIIIIIIIII MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

I M NOT SURE WHY nH IS SO SO DAMN ANGRY WITH ME....I DONT KNOW...WHY I COULD SEE PEOPLE WHACKING ME (THE LAST FEW WORDS SUPPOSED TO MEAN SOMETHING ELSE)
WHAT DO I FUCKIN DO ...IIIIIIII DONT KNOW....
LIKE A SETBACK
"MISSING TEXT* I WAS ABOUT TO TEL L
OR MAYEB FUCKIN BLURT OUT IN THE MORNING...THAT I
LIFE IS COMPLICATED AND THAT

I CARE ABOUT YOU CMON...


I M SAD...
BUT INVIGORATE WAS A BIT FUN LAH...NOT SO BAD

V11 ROX ...

i dint get to see u much around....but i knew you were there...and maybe you could understand why all this is happening..
sorry for not talking to you today..
i was just thinking about *missing text* or should i replace txt with name
i dint care about anytHing else...




but yups
i do love you

and that all that matters
my eyes are red...and my cheeks are salty...(dont ask why...? you know the truth)cry
just that the little possibilities are way to difficult to see....sometimes i feel like telling everyone...but then i m afraid....

please dont let this affect me.....

SaNdEsH
@dios


i dont want to leave you like that...but please dont force me to do so...i cant go against your desires....

i love you
and always remember....maywhat happen i will always be there for you...the reason why i m sad and not angry is because...i care....i care about you...about your life...and everything nice....

and above all i love you...even if you dont do that....

man i m already a victim of love...
remember the song by Good CHarlotte....LOL
maybe i will listen to it...





sandesh ....
i m sorry...please forgive me...i can understand that i am not worthy ofany forgiveness...but in my heart i m not so bad...afterall...i know that....and maybe with you around...i will never be..












hate myself...

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well no words...today also

just go through these lyrics....you might get the idea...

"A Beautiful Lie"

Lie awake in bed at night
And think about your life
Do you want to be different?
Try to let go of the truth
The battles of your youth
'Cause this is just a game

It's a beautiful lie
It's the perfect denial
Such a beautiful lie to believe in
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me

It's time to forget about the past
To wash away what happened last
Hide behind an empty face
Don't ask too much, just say
'Cause this is just a game

Everyone's looking at me
I'm running around in circles, baby
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game

So beautiful, beautiful...

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hey guys
just got up
i was thinking the whole night....wht to do...
what not to do....for my own good
after all the ****ing things happening all around me...
specially with someone...in particular...
please please please i beg, i m not the kind of person whom you
thinking i m...i just dont know whats with all the people around me

EVEN THEN

I AM SORRY....MAYBE I MIGHT BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG BUT I DONT HAVE ANY SUCH INTENTIONS TO ANGER PEOPLE.....PLEASE UNDERSTAND

no one....I MEAN NO ONE IS TALKING to me...not atleast properly lah
that includes....
Nh
Ron
Anki
Paul
JoJo
please please i am sorry...especially the first person in this list...cause i just dont feel like hurting the person in any ways possible...reasons unknown to me too...but they are valid....in someways....too nicely

pleease please forgive

sAnDeSh
aDiOs

=(

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i dont know what to say NOW>.....
was reading some blogs....
all had the same intentions
what the hell is happening......everywhere...
i mean its like....freakin not what is supposed to be happening

i couldnt take it...
went for some informal roller blading training...
did 75 laps in 27.5 minutes.....
heartbeat rate max. - 184 per minute...

i think i need to go for some high speed cycling somewhere....i m searching for some hotspot velodromes in singapore...but i dont think there are many around here..

i think...speed is what makes me forget the environment i am in....
that speed can come in different styles...
self
aided
or sports

i feel like skydiving without parachutes....in the ocean...or maybe even on land....i just need it
i m a daredevil....i dont care about what happens to me

as well no one cares now....so why should i?
i m not sure qwhy Nh is behaving like that....i m not sure...why she is misinterpreting things that are already so clear enough....
something that i realised is that COINCIDENTS CAN OCCUR....thers no one saying that they are at 0% probability...

please please....
i am just hoping to let the things come back to normal....and that
i get a clue of it.....NOW

please if you are reading this....please try to understand that....friends are also important to me
and some people....whom once i trust...i just cant let them go off...even if they want to....
i do let them go if this makes them happy....but i always return back for help....(even if this doesnt make them happy....but i know it is right for them....)
please get the entire message behind this correctly....i can understand what you might be thinking but there is nothing like that. if you want i will tell who the person is straight....face to face.....but please....




aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
my leg muscle paining again

okay i think i should end here....
think i need to massage my leg

SaNdEsH
Adios

there's nothing like that.....

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well what to say...
just got up after a long long sleep/...
and i dont know what to do next...
i m thinking about you
and still the picture not so clear...
reinstalled the software...even then no sign of improvement...
you are not saying anything....
but i can hear...
your heart is like an Enigma Coder...
NO,...i m not....but am i sad...
YES i m
why?
cause of MYSELF>>>
bloody me...
why dont i show my sadness so
openly...
cause...
nvr mind....i dont wanna say
man...its hot out here..
man.....that moron...brij turned off the fans..
asshole
















i hate myself...
and i M changing
please dont try to stop me
from doing that
cause i guess you know
its for my own good


SaNdEsH
Adios

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today was a day....
a day of silence and a bit of fun....
cut myself....my wrist filled with a hell lot of abuses..for myself
my leg muscles pulled...
got a bandage on my right leg...
morning....came...and everything went as usual..
got a glimpse of what it likes to be...to be someone else...
in a flash
school was quite fine...
assembly started...and i..i saw you after shifting positions...and also my heart...
saw ur smile...reminded me of something
i miss...miss..
throughout the assembly couldnt help questioning myself about some
things...that i know are not humanely possible
FOR ME
i saw you smiling and thats all that i wanna hope and strive for
even if i dont get what i want...U
just wanna say....that i cant forget you...and i will never..
may how much you trouble me...hurt me...
i will still l-o-v-e- you
i will still care...care
i cant possibly smile with the conditions
around me at the moment...
after assembly...
was pushing myself to the limits again...and
today heartbeat rate reached 183 a minute...
i cant take it...pleas please dont do this..
itshard for me....and i cant be strong without you...i need you
lunch at KFC with kndn, mrcs, gbrl...
a bit fun
got male, asking or should i say...
helping girl to get up of the seat...
"Do you wanna take the shortcut...or the long way" (around the table...)

came back
played bridge for a while and slept still 8pm ..... crying crying...
got up and showed some anger on an egyptian and greek god (playing Age of Mythology....lah..wad
do ya think...i dont have better things do than that..)
well and i m doing this..
have been asked to make a robot at this time...
so i have to do something
je t'aime...
and yes i m chaning....maybe it is visible...

SaNdEsH
Adios


i miss you...

and i love you...
:(

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fuckin....day
the pprs irritated me already...then some mysterious thingie happenin....

i feel like...apart from her...some others are also going away
and why i m thinkin like that....

Nh....not talking to me... (maybe that one i m more concerned of cause...cause...she is the one who is targeteed by the fuckin retards....)
Kdn....got some work...( can accept that...

Van....not so willing too...but atleast she replying to the sm's...but ya...)
and her.....

what do i do about...it...
what
what

went for playing some soccer......******f****** couldnt even play properly....PLAY????!!!! twisted my leg muscles....and i calculated....my hearbeat......173 in a minute,..>!!!! i was really going out of my limits.....i was pushing myself....why >???cause i cnt stop lovin ya...even if i fuckin want to say it....cause i just cant...
people around me, Evan, Willie, Gabriel, Marcus....were askin me ...to chill and relax...and i end up kicking some real...and fresh ass.... UNCLE ASS...

i hate myself....and ya thats for it...
but
please Nh dont beleive all that bullshit cause it aint got any meaning.....and thats what you know...too...

i m losing myself...
or maybe should i say...i cant help loving you...but at the moment...i got to make up for people....ppl like Nh....ron....paul

SaNdEsH....u suckkkkkkkk

SaNdEsH
sux

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ya...i think i am getting....very very distracted by all that is happening....maybe...
it had to happen
but even then...i think i am changing....and maybe that is noticeable..already hurt my arm...
i just cant ...i mean its very difficult...
everytime i see that again and again...i just cant get it off my mind....why did u lie...WHY....only and only if u had told me earlier.... i hate myself..

bt i do love you....

why...am i doing this i dont know..shouls i do this or not...i dont know....cause i am all alone, no one to tell me what is happenin and what is happenin...
i think i SUCK...no need to think...i do

FuckU
SaNdEsH

maybe this is my last post today...

MAYBE

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all i want to say is that...
people are damn wrong about what i have been writing on my blog...and maybe i just would like to clarify with all those bastards who think the way they are .... (WRONG). please dont keep on making fuckin interpretations out of my blog...

i know you knew it...but you never bothered to tell me or even confirm with me....i trusted you for a friend (maybe for something else too..) at the moment...you broke my promise and i am very sad about that....i knew this is going to happen....but lemme just tell ya...no one and i really mean no one....except 1 person knows about all the freakin bullshit going around here....i dont care about anything now...as i mentioned this earlier on my blog too...people do matter a lot for me and i can freakin do anything for them....and maybe for the better..... i m doing this too...i m forgetting everything....everything for u...... BOTH..

i knew this was going to happen....it always has been....
and in this freakin whole situation...there is no one to support.. me (maybe there is...indirectly yes there really is someone..infact 2 ppl only...)kndn "ampersand" nh
i dont carea about anything else now...

i m all alone again...as usual...(cant expect anything else...)
maybe i should never try doing this...ever in life...
maybe "the thing" isnt for people like me....or should i specifically say for ME...

i m very pissed off at this moment...and i dont care what is happenin in the blog.....maybe its too late to tell the people what all this really about...cause they have fuckin made their own interpretations about things....because of which.... i guess...even U have made your own mind....so its better...i fucking do against myself...and forget all that was there....

but dont worry...i might change....but its for the good..but even then.....i will always be there for you....even if you are wrong...cause there is that delicate relation that forms between two people...coming only from side...that cant be broken (even after being so delicate)...and maybe this might hurt me even more....but I do and will always love(d) you...

i m changing....and thats about it...
blackout rulz...and the lights are out....

SaNdEsH
ByeBye....maybe the old ways are better...


fuck you sandesh.....
listen to others...

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something is fuckin not right over here...and i think i know why...
well i dont care about it...cause i m not affected by "just" silly words... well the tagboard...getting all junked...and for erm...u....i know all that bullshit is very funny....but dont worry...maybe they still dont reckon my skills yet...

they dont know...that there is something called the IP (internet protocol) address....
maybe they dont know...there is something called a user account for POP3 e-mail services...
maybe they fuckin dont know....there is something called a password...(********)
and there is this art called *a****g

you people are serious retards...and i have to admit that...and yeah...please use some interesting passwords for your user accounts...they all sound freakin...ermm....how to say....oh ya..."RETARDED" like you....

and maybe if u dont know
it was not that difficult to identify you...
just a few lines of coding...

btw someone's bday in India....so maybe i m calling her to wish...
bye

and ya
futrez vous...

SaNdEsH..
sAyOnArA





nigga

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well...just came back from school after the bio paper....man i suck at it...
the paper was okay okay lah, but some questions couldnt do one..

well thats another story...

oh i m happy that everything is getting alright...or atleast i think so lol.. but i m changing and maybe that is something that is not going to reverse back again...so ya...

something weird is happening to me these days....i m getting up like 3 or 4 times in the night....donno why....i mean i just wake up, see darkness....hear the sound of the winds (i live on the tenth floor...so the wind quite strong and CHILLLY) and hug my pooh (not addicted to it...but it does remind me of someone i cant forget throughout my whole life....and yeah ...nvr mind...l8r...
cant wait for chemistry and IH optional paper to end...cause after tht got only one paper left....MATHS...i always love the environment around me during the final paper....and now that it is the end of years...
i m getting frustrated over something these days....but thanx to some people who dont make me feel that anymore....i have to give credit to the people lah...
Nh
Ron
Anki
Shob
ansha
and nvr the less....
u..)
but i think all that frustration is gonna come out like a beast...at Invigorate...the event i am desperately waiting for...i need to kick some ass....
lol
kidding...i m not that violent..so dont worry...but sometimes...when people say things that do not approve of her....i can get very very violent...(maybe i dont show lah...but yes do...and by violent i mean mentally...i m no Undertaker or the Hulk Hogan or someone....)

ok then...bbye..think i will take a short nap now...
take care...
love u
saNdesH
Sayonara

<3

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" wtf " ...

the only thing running in my mind...since last nite, during the exam, in the bathroom, while sleeping, while after getting up 3 or 4 times the in the middle of the nite(dunno why...maybe cause of it only lah)...not cause i mean it but because Nh said that b4 signing off...why why what made her say that...and end up the conversation...i dont know...whts happenin...please tell me...is it cause of me...oh man, its like damn not so good..i m assuming some really horrible things (wish they are false)
i am waiting for some sms
well i m getting all sorts of wrong feelings in my head...and all i'd like to say is.... erm
i am sorry if it was all cause of me...but erm...i dont find a reason for you to be angry(please tell me why u were so angry)...i m thinking what might have made you so angry with me...

just came back from school...and dunno what to do..cause...i m very very freakin confused...what happened.... i cant afford to lose
i m sorry ..




oh man
dont know what to say...but i think this is going to be the last post for the day...








well
in the end
I M SORRY Nh and ...thats all i can say... take care...

SaNdEsH
Adios

i feel like killing myself...okay i accept people in my life are important for me and i do care about them.....and thats why i cant afford it...i just cant afford it..


and yeah some reflections on life has made me realise that i need to change...change for the better...or change for the good ...i dont know... but i am changing...got a few days to enjoy the old Sandesh form of me...but afterwards....its all gonna be different...trust me..i dont lie....i swear


i will still love you dont worry,,,

now for the clue....
all the answers are in your mind...and its not the wise choice...di says so...but i dont care...cause the day i set my eyes upon you, i knew
that this is the person i was looking out for...and i m v...


the clue will continue in the next post
i love u
n



will always do...no doubts


sandesh
FCK U SANDESH

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a couple were in love for over a decade or so..they were so deeply into each other that the next thing they could think of was marriage..
then came the controversy..the girl was blind..and wanted to see the guy with her own eyes after some operation before she could accept him!!

the boy financed the operation for which he sold off his dearest possessions..
the girl could then see the world..but when she opened her eyes..she found the guy blind as well
she said" haha i cant marry you, coz u are blind as well..i cannot like you"

the guy deeply heart broken ...
turned away
but as he was going
he said to her!!
although i am disappointed at what u have offered me..i am still glad to see you happy instead as you can now see the world with my eyes!!
and he went off!!


people love is not done with the outward beauty of the person, rather with what the person's heart has to genuinely offer!
well i know a very very sudden change,,,,,i know

wth


SaNdEsH
SaNdEsH
Adios

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sandesh
loves u

BLOG POST
well i dont know,,,....
u tell me things that i would never want to hear from you...i take it...and i will take it...cause i will and i dont care how...i will always....love you.....no matter what...
well why did u tell me....why ...??? i was happy thinking....you were out of it and that you could have given more time...chatting and talking to me...than you know who,,,,

even then i love you...i only care abt ur happiness..but all i can say is i m heartbroken..

well to add a bit...
i know you wont ever accept...erm but well let me direct...
you know that i like you...but u urself dont know that... you believe in the indirect theory of material substantiation...or maybe should i say i made you believe that...

still then
i will always.. LOVE you

saNdEsH
Adios

Every post got clues...but only in the middle of the post....but its hard to find out or decipher it...

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ummm good morning guys...
just got up after a very very very long coma....(sleep in simple terms...i like making things complicated)i dont know what to do now...lol
i dont understand why dont people just ask others if they dont know how to do some stuff...maybe they think they know too much..why should i be affected with that...lol nvr mind...
dont know...why i just felt asleep at around 9 last nite! so am all refreshed after the "painful" shocks by IH and Physics...siao man
i mean couldnt even finish physics properly and IH was like...hell
well...after school (maybe better rephrase it after exams...) had fun with the guys....discussing our mistakes in physics...walked back with kundan sms'in someone and came back...
siao

oh...download complete...cool...(more and more sound loops)
well i never got time to think about u....i dint even know how time passed while doing the freakin exams....but i dont know..i got this feeling that exams are in some ways good..(coz some reasons i cant share now....)
dont think i would want to blog anymore...(only for today)
lol

btw
u rock
and i "simply" :) love you

keep on rockin

u




and
y'all

till then
SaNdEsH sAyS aDiOs
;)

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9 hours and 30 minutes to my first EOY...and i am getting a weird feeling.. dont know...
something weird....as if if...something is going to happen...well never mind...the EOYs are on top of my head....and its the only way to prove....so have to put on my best...
i m waiting for the next week to somehow pass on...so that i can continue with all the things that i had to leave in the middle just cause of the exams....
well i dont know...but some weird coindence happenin...
both of them sad .... something sad or painful happenin in their lives...and its all about the "exit"...looks like the downfall.."the downfall"
but all i can suggest or maybe do is to support you...cause i know its permanent now...its like Shift + Delete something.....but even then got that slight chance of reviving the thing back...(for unaware readers...Shift+Delete is not permanent at all...data can be restored back...or should i say...I CAN RESTORE BACK SHIFT+DEL deleted DATA) lol...
well have been talking* to you...and somehow i feel very nice to talk to you...i wish i nvr stop talking*...but unfortunately...i am the slave and life is the master....i wish my life was my slave...
i want to end here...cause need some rest before the exams

one last things (nice rite....one last thingS) LOL
EU's for life this week

He who makes her cry... i wont let you cry, i will torture you...
hehe is gay... (lol is in)
Lameness is helpful as it helps to provoke thoughts
Life is like a web of lies and truths....the more you want to come out of it...the more and more you get entangled in it...
The best thing to do with a reflective song is to break it apart and put it as a personal message on MSN (cause it does have some meaning, and can sometimes reflect life to a very deep extent)
Where the hell did humans come onto this earth"?"
This still remains the first question that came in the mind of the humans after the invention of the question marks....cant change history....
oh yeah one more

Dont care about the future....the present is wht is to be cared about...the past was a lie...

and
finally
the BIGGEST IDEA

I LOVE U

some deciphering can be done...but nothing so much interesting in this post...
love u

Adios
good nite
$@NdEsH


got a clue....? Share with me on msn...
sandesh_gade@hotmail.com

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just came back from school and i was thinking about some complicated things..

the past three days were quite ok...i mean not so interesting...
yesterday had the Hindi exam which was quite good...and maybe maybe

i slept at 5.30 in the morning today...and got up around 11.30....what was i doing till 530...dont ask...i was slackin....so nothing interesting...downloaded one of my favourite classic racing games....then after getting up...took my lunch...went to school, tried to study...and then came back.
Found ppl sittin. so had dinner with them...then then they were talking about some girlish stuff...and it was easy to spot some lies being delivered from here and there...but maybe that is how life is supposed to be....a HUGE WEB OF LIES...erm then people teasing me with someone...and dont worry i dint like it...cause it was about a person whom i respect, admire and care for(indirectly visible though but completely in my heart). I dont like ppl commenting about such people....i hate those ppl in simple terms...but this time i will somehow i will let it go cause i could control myself..
People asked me if i decided on any option for one of my previous posts...the one in which i talked about me being put in a situation with 2 desperately desired choices....well lemme tell ya...i am still stuck .... stuck like some traffic light in the corner of the road... i dont know what to do...cause from both the sides i am trusted..but even then, i dont qualify to be "the best". There viewpoint about...somethings...maybe be different..i know...but till what extent aah
i havent talked to one in ages (precisely since last week)
the other one i do talk to her a lot...but even then things dont wanna be better...

its like i am forcing myself to fall down the cliff.....which of course i dont want to lah....but for the very element of pleasure....the pleasure of defying gravity...and that too to do the last thing ever before i die. i dont wanna talk about this anymore...tears already (rock 'n') rollin down....but this might be the clue...

erm btw, thnx Nh..., if in case u dont know why...i'll tell you later...but u will have to wait for the "later" a bit too long...haha nvr mind...
Thnx "U" (the "u" is becoming a popular character for my blog wht (see the tagboard)...how cant i thank her....and erm i love u)
Thnx Kndn, Ysh, Kirn, Mhr, Ron, Ankt, Shbht, Nlksh, JoJo, Srv, Srnsh, Amy, Btra, Ashr, Abshek, Vpl, Sidhnt....

later tell y'all why...

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
incomplete post today...will be editing this one again

tk care
love u "U" and u as a reader too...hehe
Adios

SaNdEsH
:)

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complications, complications and complications...
i focus again on the same thing...

sometimes life is cruel enough to put u in a situation, where u are forced to select only ONE option, although u want the other one as badly as the one u think of choosing....well i am currently in a very similar situation...i dont know what is going to happen, or to be more profound....what should be happening...but this time its not the situation that i m concerned about....but the very inclusion of the concept of love here....i know all this might be sounding freakin dumb to you, but lemme tell you, it has meaning....my heart got something to say...but is scared...

something is eating me inside and, and i cant take it anymore....i need both....cant take it....i might have been unfair to one of em, by means of forgetting...but today i just realised....i was just about to commit a fuckin dumb and retarded mistake...and i thank god that even now....atleast i realised...what is the reality...there are people under the layers...its just difficult to spot them...why do we have to spot them out...is because there are reasons that dont allow them to come out on its own. i got to know one of millions of such stories around me...and it was enough to make me cry....enough to make me realise tht it was me who was with the wrong....
god dammed i was wrong...parting with bad....foes with the good.......all this is not as straightforward as it seems but all i can say is that i cant take it anymore...............the ball is not even on any side....its out of bounds....but then it cant always remain balancing in the center....although i dont mind trying to do that...

all this makes me realize ...
why the fuckin hell...was i so careless...?
god dammed, why the fuckin hell dint i realise that i was going to the wrong....or perhaps maybe i m now too...

where is eVeryoNe...? WhEre is sHe...or mAybe where are they goiNg? thE world iS So blAck....i need the warmth and the angel to guide me ..... through this darkness...

dont wanna say anymore...
sandesh
bye
good morning (logically its mornin wht...)

take care...u...i will always be there for u both....no matter if it costs my life

je t'aime

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hmmm....well this is just the first study break,....so more coming up late nite....
today i...nvr mind

got up...had some black coffee....left for school...dint do much in the first 2 periods...was slacking all throughout....was watching some videos...(of course videos of the songs she likes wht....her liking my liking too man...) but maybe volume too low..so dint get to hear much...somehow passed the time and the period finished...then had geography...and the usual periods....i feel lucky siao...dint feel sleepy at all in the lessons today...black coffee rox man.....am skipping the lessons...(cause nothing much interesting....the usual....me and my biasness towards technology, which can be quite easily reflected in the Lang Arts periods...) then school...ended....printed somethings...then waited till 4.15 for Kundan cause we all decided to go together....but then came to know about something bad....something which could have torn apart millions of hearts...if they were in my situation....i i i mean i never knew...about this...nvr ever,...although i did have some idea about it....but..why god?? i question.,...and i dont care i want an answer..
what could be the best....
u know* that person...very well...then all in the sudden of the afternoon, u enter the dark classroom......with your friends...(expecting to see no one there), but still see the person...then some questions and verbal communication and interchange takes place...and then suddenly u r urged to talk...or maybe ask....ask about the "condition" and the person tells u the "real" condition...or your face...and and i mean u can see what the person is going through when the person...talks to you...all i was able to do...was to mutter to myself..."I am sorry about that...!!"
I WAS NOT ABLE TO OPEN MOUTH TO SAY WHAT I WANTED TO AFTER listening ABOUT THE condition...IMAGINE WHAT WOULD THE PERSON BE GOING THROUGH...WHEN HE/SHE IS actually IN THE condition....I JUST COUDNLT GET IT OFF MY MIND....came back around 5 pm with Kundan...and rested for a while...the time i crouched on bed, the person came into my mind.....(hugged my Pooh) and I CANT BELEIVE THIS....BUT THOSE PAINFUL TEARS ACTUALLY ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEKS...i just couldnt control myself...and somehow...i felllllllll into a slumber and fell asleep....then got up around 6.20 and a wet environment around me...l8r realised...i had cried..went to the hostel canteen to have dinner, but i just could not think about anything else except the person....had a quite...lonely dinner today too...then came back....tried to think about something else...but the person just refused to leave my mind...i tried studying,....but i simply could not resist ...and somehow got the person's handphone number from Kundan.....i sms'd her....i cant really explain how relieved i was when i received the person's reply...
sms'd the person quite a lot.....and i just hoped...that i could go on like this forever and ever till the end of my life....maybe that is how much the person means to me...die die i want to see the person happy...i dont care about the way, the consequences....nothing...
incase u are the person,
i just dont know...but i really really do care for u,...and if ever in life, u ever need anything...anything....just give me a call....i will be there faster than the speed of light...k? and never be dissaproved of ur capabilites....u are the most ******, ******, and the most of the most ********* person i have ever seen...u are brave and i know u are mentally and emotionally quite strong....but all this is balanced on a very delicate BALANCE.....any light tilt here and there, can lead you to nowhere....

i dont care how, when, why, where...i will pledge to HIM for something...and i dont mind going against HIM...if my pledge isn't fulfilled....cant explain...in words...but tears are rolling down my cheeks...and i cant control it....

Sandesh

am confused...crap
di, i know i am being surrounded by troubles...but i i i am sorry...u are a very dear person to me...and i cant afford to make such a person...angry for anything....

I dont know what to say...but i am trapped
Help Me

*putsomethingmoreprofound

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hey guys...
its still 2.18 am and i dont feel like sleeping...part of my "push to the extreme limits" program...hehe...just kiddin....listenin to one of my favourite bands, Linkin Park, at really blasting volume....but sont care lol...helps me to keep awake...have had enough sips of black cofee....so i think i got enough caffeine in my body....so maybe i wont sleep lol...hehe
well today was fine wht...nthn so interesting...lets start..
hehe
got up really late.....around 11.30
MOM called or else i wouldnt have woken have....then got sms's from Kundan...and other ppl...hehe...funny lol...after suggestions and on second thoughts, i thought it should be me who should be revising literature and language arts...so i m deciding to do that tomorrow. aahhh maybe i would be able to complete....then got ready...and went to the hostel canteen for lunch to find everything finished...."i mean i was just expecting that to happen while going down....cant and shouldnt expect too much from people"...hehe then decided to not eat anything at all..was so angry that i punched the walls of the elevator like 7-8 times....then u came to my mind...and all my anger and frustation disappeared...aaaahhhh had such a nice feeling...then packed my bag and went to the skooll....surprisingly...i find the school a better place to study then the hostel...
ehehe
went to my class...and found my seniors... (06v11) their practising some LA project drama....then enjoyed their practice till like 730...and also trying to study a bit....but literally dint..hehe
came back in bus thinking....abt some ppl...am still feeling bad as to why di is angry with me...even though i dint do anything... :(
even then,...sorry sis....i dint mean to hurt u wht....pls forgive me...i apologise :(

then came back...luckily found some dinner....and had a quiet dinner....
came to my room and tried to do some funny stuff with my laptop....and it was successful...i can now use my hand phone to control my pc for doing anything....cool right....hehe
then studied a bit....till now...and no wi m doing this....

i dont know what to say...
but ppl are acting nice to me...and i know some of them really mean it...i can see the more superficial ones too....hehe...

something for "u"
well as always, couldnt stop thinking about u....u are like the gravitational field of earth..u go anywhere, it still acts on u...hehe...
i dont know....but i think i should tell u now that i...i do ...love u....but i m really scared...cause our friendship and ur happiness is what is the most important thing for me....so maybe i will kill my desires and try to keep the fact to myself...but even then cant resist to say...
i love u....hehe.

well dont know what is happening to me...i m not yet serious about the EOY's...i need to wake up .... maybe tomorrow....hehe

well thnx Gaille for linking me.....and also for the comment on ur blog.....(uhm uhm) but dont worry...i trust u...and i know what is true and what is not...so no need bothering abt who says wht...hehe
Thnx kundan for the notes....i would have died if i wouldnt have gotten them...hehe
gotta go now...
or else i will sleep in every period in schooll
hehe

SaNdEsH Adios
take care y'all

EOY's coming soon

btw got this interesting thought..
reflect on it..

"Everyone wants a clean green and a PEACEFUL earth...but everyone else to start it first and maybe thats why..."
(and maybe tht might have some link to what i put on Gaille's cbox....about her dream presents...hehe)

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oh well today also okok lah..i mean
dint study much...but slacked...

got up late in the morning...so decided not to go Hindi School...no purpose too... then got up arpund...suddenly got up some idea about Bluetooth connectivity...and then asked one of my friends to lend me his hand phone and my prediction was right...

it is possible to play media content from a mobile and use a laptop's resources such as the LCD screen and the speakers...

and with this got some hacking ideas....but thought not to concentrate on that...
took lunch and came back
got ready to go school...then reached school....tried to do some maths...felt bored then did a bit of Lang Arts...then went online, surfing and downloading stuff....VJC wireless rox man...i donloaded like 578.5 Mb (exact value) in less than 15 minutes....technology simply impresses me...but yeah lah...while doing this, more than half the time i was thinking about u....couldnt forget u..or should i rephrase it like...i can never forget u (throughout my life) hehe... stayed up in school till 730 pm and then came back alone alone....saw this indian guy....and i got into this deep thoughts...that this guy might be the one she likes....so was trying to compare him with myself lol..so basically then came back...had a "sad" dinner..then came back and tried to study but couldnt...was diverted too much to think abt anything related to what i was studying.....then later around 11 i settled a bit and studied till now...now its like 3.10 in the morning and i cant wait for sunday...hehe
just kiddin...nothing so much abt a sunday...but even then i cant wait to think about u...and maybe to dream abt being with u...in simple terms...i love u.

Happy Ganesha Chathurthi btw....
Just remembered... Ganpati bappa mourya...Pudhchya Varshi laukar yea...hehe i like to say it again and again....maybe cause i find Lord Ganesha damn cute...
hehe...aaaaaahhhhh i need some Moduk in my mouth...

i dont know what to do...but i think i m stressing up now...and i m pushing myself to the limits...got no one to help me, no one to support me....no one at all....am so alone...

hehe

i think i better sleep now...
already late..
i love u
SaNdEsH sAyS Au revoIr pour maintenant mais pas pendant LOngtemps
je VEUx l'amour

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why are u angry with me di...?? what did i do....? its not intentional....can understand somethings but...please forgive me...i dont want to hurt u in any means...u do mean something to me...and maybe that is why... maybe that is why...thats why tears are freakin rollin down...rollin down my cheeks..and i just dont wanna see u hurt any more...why are u doing this....please di please dont do this....please;....
i beg for ur forgiveness'..
if u are angry @ what i wrote on my blog...then lemme tell u...first of all, i was damn pissed at something....(maybe u dint ever notice that) then after the neck thing, i was not able to control my feelings...and btw there was nothing wrong in it....yeah yea i can understand that u were totally unaware of it....i know...but aaah why am i getting into this....
if u are angry @ my MSN personal message....it wasnt directed toward u
or else...if there is any other reason please tell me...di u know
how much i care for u and that u know.....how much u mean to me...please
see i have forgotten everything that happened....that day....

i know i was angry at u....ovr something....and maybe something that i did...for it...made u angry...but really trust me...its not as u see.....i m the normal guy again...
please di forgive me....
if u still angry then at least dicuss the problem with me.....lemme clear ur doubts away...please...


oh god help me
i know i m bad..

but pls try to understand this time
time is not with me...neither is di...
hell

sandesh

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woohoo today had a very nice day meh...
i never knew i could draw so well...hehe...but really aaah i stunned my friends and proved to them that i can draw. ok lets start from the beginning.

Today got up a bit late...so hurried up with the things...dint take breakfast...i wanted to talk to di, but just couldnt...aaahh. Then reached school, attended assembly...then all it started....before everything aah...i just remembered u and u walked past me...woh...nice right..? hehe
then around 8, reached the library, went inside..i tried studying but dint want to...donno why...then Kundan and Bart went to the PE dept. to get their shoes....then was getting so bored i drew a portrait of Nh. hehe quite fun u know .... but i dont know aah..i expected to be damn funny, but luckily it was one of the best real life portraits i might have ever drawn u knw.... then bart and kundan came back in a very mysterious way...and saw what i drew. Then kunan gladly agreeing with me, asked me who was that girl i drew...hehe he was like "Woh...cool man..nice...looks exactly like her...really man.. The face looks exactly like hers.. " that was like the best comment i heard....hehe then he insisted me to show her the portrait aah...but i was very scared...i mean first of all i shouldnt have done that....looks rude wht...then many other things too lol...i just cant beleive i could draw so nicely meh....am damn happpy abt it...

Then throughout the rest of the day everything was going fine....except for the boring BIO lessons but today even though i was tired i somehow wasnt feeling sleepy hehe... maybe i got too happy abt that drawing leh..

then came to know that Mr. Boy on M.C. so no classes and the maths classes were preponed to like abt an hour....so ended school quite early lol...then after school finish, i stayed back with Kai Liang doing nonsense (maths in real terms) on the board..then Gaille accompanied us in class...then came Kundan, Marcus, Tim, Umar, Indri and then also had surprise and unexpected visits by Willie and Asyraf..hehe quite fun leh...then we studied (or in simple terms...tried to ..leh cause got blsting music running on too...hehe.) then during our supposed study time, we were having quite a lot of fun meh,,,,hehe then
we all left around 530...and Kundan still was trying his best to explain the chemistry titration thingie to Gaille....hehe...haha Gaille? did u get it ..no?? yes??? i expect a yes... and i know u will..cause Kundan taught u wht...hehe...just kiddin, so well we were coming back, then sudden change of unity...
girl with gir
guy with guy
guys with guys
three distinct grps...but still had fun on the way..then me and Kundan walked back home
we were discussing somethings...and i am happy Kundan confessed it...and i knew that from the beginning....(there is no such thing ok...guys so enough k?)so lucky i guessed correctly wht...(grin Nh) heh...so am here trying to do something to pass time...

aaah maywhat rite...in the end we must just reflect
sCaNdAlS EiThEr BrInG tWo PeOpLe ClOsE tOgEtHeR oR mOvE tHeM fUrThEr AwAy.


but nice day today...expect more of such days in the future...
hehe
take care
SaNdEsH says Adios




cant live without u...its a really really difficult world out there...and...ummm maybe i think he could have been right....but even then i love u, cause u mean more than this world to me....u are my heart...u are my breath....u r the blood that runs through me...u are the bird i see in the sky, u are the morning i see after every dark nite....
...dunno why, i m going to arts...but it wont happen,,,hehe

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