i m so so so not in a mood to even look up to your eyes and say.. "Hey, I am SAD"..


but i guess, its all just because of one single reason, which more than anything is but too delicate for me to deviate from...

in thinking terms at least...




i dont want to miss it...but apparently i am...and trust me... i will cchange...


more than anyone would have ever noticed but i need the chance...



i seriously beg that a moment of joy comes before the holidays at least....






i dont wanna be a burden, i want to be a source...


a source of what i know i want them to be for them...
but more than anything i m not even getting anywhere near it...






suddenly life feels halted...and the time frame stops at a reference position where there is nobody in the background and you seem to be walking on and on, without a purpose listening to MCR...and trying not to think about it...but in the end you only think about...whether things will return back to normal or not....
i want the former to happen...
the very imagination of the latter happening makes a chill run down my spine and trust me...i dont want that...



am getting weaker and weakr by the day...thinking whether i'll be able to survive the horrid that have so fucki'nicely crafted for myself...
and in this moment of joy (for the others atleast...)
i m here sitting in the corner...



weeping in the darkness trying to let go off myself..from this misery...
but like a boomerang it just always keeps coming back and hits me...

hits me hard..
full force..








action action action is what i need...
but one is only i want ...





one piece of good news would be enough for me...
it will be an emotional and morale booster for me...which more than anything i am at the moment hoping for...



nothing in my brin seems to be working at the moment...jealous...why others are so happy...
but at the same time, angry at myself....for committing those mistakes too...


but i tried....its not that i hgave up or wht...i did my best...







and i dont understand why the fuck doesnt it get translated completely...
not saying that everyone is perfect or wht...but atleast they are way better than me...good to see emo people not emoing...and non emo ppl emoing....(refers to 1 and u know who..)


wow...








can things pleae go back to normal...srsly..

i m tired of this game..





i want to do some real stuff now...
some real game is wht i want to play...and more than that...i want to beat my oponents or atleast thoe who dare stand up against me...





but only one thing will decide that now...and until then the wait will continue...

and maybe the misery and emo'ness too...




hope everything gets back to normal...i just seriously hope so...


:'(
sndsh