Hey life...
How to start today's post??? How?? I dont really know eh...

but maybe this would work..



in the morning, i was a BAD guy, but towards the end of the day, and following the course of the events that happened before the end...just changed my perspectives about things...


well lets go to the details...


morning was quite hectic...today was the IP open house...and i was the presenter for the same elective as last year...and therefore, i had a very "interesting time" playing with the NXT Bluetooth robot which somehow was "attractive" in its own way...and giving a very short presentation about the elective which dint really convey anything about the elective, though. i mean, come on there is nothing you can present for such an elective.... never mind...lets skip that part...

its actually during this time, that i found some people, who were, just in a world similar to me...very very similar to me...
thank god (although i dont believe in god, but still, its part of my language still..so for the sake of it..),
thank god, gerald and renjie were in the same room as me...
so ya...could pass time...
and somemore..
met Nv and L there...
haha...


key highlights..
baloons tied to my hair, to my spectacles, to my robot...lolz...and of course they were all around the electives hub.
lol
haha

and then it all started with lunch...
we all went to have lunch together...in the canteen..
that was the first instance, that reminded me of somethings...something that cant be forgotten throughout this entire journey in life...i mean, yes...i had a gut feeling that something good was going to happen today...and luckily it turned out to be the best in that sense...


well, after the second cycle for the Open House, we all had a fun time putting back the posters... so ya

were joined by the other ip1 guys there...


from there...it all started....just like, when in the beginning of movies, they have a "moderately old" song introducing the important ppl in the movie...
trying to decide what to do next...we ended up doing extra stuff...lol

decided to go mandarin gardens and have dinner at TP
went there...tried to book the soccer court...couldnt...ended up playing basketball with this "ang mo" guy who seemed to have a "fairly" nice tatoo on his legs...lol
and Nv, i have to accept, you play well...you ROCK...
i know i might have underestimated you, a bit only lah...but i did, and you have completely proved me wrong...

and i played...like shit aah...never aim properly..
but i guess, it was all coz of someone around...lol
distraction...

???




MAYBE

so ya...then
had a nice li'l dinner at TP and a very very interesting game of Truth or Dare!!!
haha i need the videos...

kndn got kissed by janice..
haha
5 seconds somemore..
lol

haha
haha

after failed attempts to decide where to go next (that includes, TmPs Mall, ECP, MPCL, lolz VJ???))
haha
then we decided to go VS, play basketball

had a very hilarious match..
got people falling down...people calling each other "clarence"....people throwing balls at each other's faces, people hitting the edge of the board (behind the ring), lol
haha

was damn funny...somemore...couldnt even see anyone in the dark..and i took off my shirt...
haha...FUNNY right...lol....but ya, jokes are supposed to taken in the right sense...which i guess i am doing right now...
was really fun..


after i see'd all of 'em off, i realised that i was actually "happY'
i mean yes...thats exactly what it means...

came back, played basketball alone for a while..
and thought about today...


today was indeed special for me...i mean, its like one of those times, that i have really enjoyed with my heart...just fully into it...



i mean, for a moment right...i actually felt as i was with my friends back in India.

and well...i think maybe someone was mostly responsible for this...but i am not actually thinking about it...
hmm



just love that feeling...




in short...
today, was like
a tinge of love, new and ole' friends, memorable times...
and of course..that face...

it all makes me a good person at the end of it all...
and i am happy, all this happened today...






seeing forward to more of these outings...unplanned..

lolz

haha



thnx life...
thnx Nv
lh
en
zhngfng
clrnce
andrw





:)
Sandesh
tkcare

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please revive me...
i beg you...
its too much for me...
really...





i know its difficult but i am not asking for something too big....is it??


i cant breathe...
all i see is a pool of tears around me..

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do you realise that you just killed me??
i saw that expression on your face...today..

i saw the secret "hidden" gestures

well, if my death is what you wanted..
there you have it now..
all i wanted was...
a...

maybe just a little.... with that
but i guess, you have too much to share..

and well, ya i know your feelings wont be the same...
never..

but i'll be the same..
my physical self will be there..

but i guess, you will have other so called "self"s
for that purpose..

hate myself..
why?? why?? why??
why me??

i mean, did i lag behind..

i dint had any right to live...
not a single right..
i mean, come on, i am not even a good person...





i am shattered..
to pieces..
in pieces...

i knew this would happen...
and i guess, i everyone knew that
the burden would be too much for me...

maybe these tears that i am shredding now...

would be reflective of everything...
from the beginning..


well...guess, i was wrong somewhere...
hate myself..

:(
forgive me if you please...


FUCK THIS GOD DAMMED WORLD..

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heya



those looks, those feeling in the heart,
those tight expressions..
suggesting to doubt myself...

i mean, apart from all "that"
my basic aim in life is to become a GOOD PERSON...

and the person, whom i could think was the best
possible person around me, who could tell me the about my progress towards my aim....

seems to be DISPLOMATIC...

but if thats the way, i guess, my progress isnt that much...i mean according to the reply..
but i thought i am progressing in that direction already.

i'll try asking the same person the same question after another 6 months...coz
i guess, or should i say, I believe in that person, to an extent that even this life is rather unnecessary..


but guess..
it'll take time for me to understand somethings...that are waiting to be communicated to me..
and suggesting that...
it isnt really possible to achieve the state that i am trying to achieve in partnership with you.


engel,
i can know all the things running aroung your mind, like a restless child running in a garden..
but maybe reception is the ability i am limited too..

but its instilled in me..
to...

to...
to...






aaarrrrhhh

Ich habe wollte immer jemand, jemand, das mich verstehen kann, jemand wissen und verstehen, das eine einzigartige Einzelperson unter der Masse sein kann jemand gerade wie mein schöner Engel. die Welt versteht nie meine Liebe.

ich liebe Dich, meine Schwester.

went ECP cycling...after a gap of 4 days...
went to the NEW spot...and circled 10 times around "that"....marking somebody i just love to call..

the 10 times represents something...(*(*with proper spacing and punctuation[ifany]*)*)
waiting for your hand to reach me..

waiting for your words...
waiting for you to say it again..
" i'll always be your sister "


LINKIN PARK
The Little Things Give You Away

Water grey

Through the windows, up the stairs

Chilling rain

Like an ocean everywhere

Don't want to reach for me do you

I mean nothing to you

The little things give you away

And now there will be no mistaking

The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water

I Do

Hope decays

Generations disappear

Washed away

As a nation simply stares

Don't want to reach for me do you

I mean nothing to you

The little things give you away

But there will be no mistaking

The levees are breaking

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under water

I Do

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

And six feet under ground now

I Now I do

Little things give you away

Little things give you away

Little things give you away

Little things give you away

Little things give you away

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

All you've ever wanted

Was someone to truly look up to you

(Little things give you away)

LINKIN PARK

In Pieces

Telling me to go

But hands beg me to stay

Your lips say that you love

Your eyes say that you hate

There's truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

What you build you lay to waste

This truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've got's what you didn't take

So I, I won't be the one

Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And you

You will be alone

Alone with all your secrets

And regrets

Don't lie

You promise me the sky

Then toss me like a stone

You wrap me in your arms

And chill me to the bone

There's truth in your lies

Doubt in your faith

All I've got's what you didn't take

So I,

I won't be the one

Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And you

You will be alone

Alone with all your secrets

And regrets

Don't lie

So I,

I won't be the one

Be the one to leave this

In pieces

And you

You will be alone

Alone with all your secrets

And regrets

Don't lie

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trying...
trying to analyze the words...
those words... are so deep...
so deep..
woven with the delicate fabric..


maybe...
the biggest possibility that i can think...

is that

maybe you still...

maybe..










i dont know..















hate myself...
just hate
myself...


is it that the characters keep on changing in your words or is it really me..???
i wonder...






Sandesh
:(

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well there was a reason...

there is a reason....

there will always be a reason...

and yet again, i will overlook it...and try to bring down the world.

while walking back from school today, i took the route less travelled by..

well people noticed changes in me....but i guess, i am too shy to tell them the reason...

i mean, i am quite sure about the story but guess...

the happily ever after part hasnt come out yet...

but when it does so...

i would be crying..

i dont really know about the others...but all i know is that i would be wishing i had done something....just that something, to show you, how much it means...

i mean, its just so contemporary

no one's benfactor here, and things are confusing, but in the terms of realisation, i guess, its quite important, cause the air has really become humid. Well...

yes, i know i am burning like hell, inside me..

coz...as always, all those things that i deserve to have is what i am not getting..

maybe, now i feel how it must have been for YOU.. (dddddd), somemore, you were even more

possessive.

i just hate myself..

i mean, after all the wrond that i have done, am i expecting a warm, gentle, clean world back again..??? am i expecting love?? am i even expecting happiness in the basicity of the complex usage of terms???

maybe yes...

maybe not...

DONT BE SURPRISED IF YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING OF THE ABOVE..

bye bye world

cia l8r...

going off on a looooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg vacation...

keep in touch..

hate myself..all coz of

it..

Sandesh

:(

LOVE CAN CHANGE A PERSON TO AN EXTENT,

THAT CAN BRING DOWN THE WHOLE WORLD..

the world isnt even the limit for me... i can do beyond. Try me..

waiting for the week to end...

waiting for the next conversation...the next talk....the next exchange of words...and maybe the CARE

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allrite..
should i now find reasons to kill myself, or should i just live in a world of frenzy that leads nowhere but to a sphere bloody surprises that are so predictable but never the less, not expected from people. I mean should i really find a reason..??
things are on the right track, i guess...and yes, perhaphs i have changed myself, maybe for the good of myself, or maybe even for you..

but does it really make a difference, i mean,
would the world even care about the connections or even the only "line" that was drawn between 2 points. i mean, its alright for me, life hasnt really been worth thanking for, in some ways.

i mean, i stress again, its always me saying the part "Stop, i'll get the bomb, you get the girl"...
but the world really thinks that i am the guy saying "set". for WHAT... i mean, yes i might want to do both the things, coz at the end of the day it all leads to the same result.

INPUT > OUTPUT and a hell lot > than what can be just inferred from the words..
but maybe its unlikely that i am going to get what i have always been waiting for...

people from my past life are coming back to "this" life again, and i am foolish enough to actually give 'em another chance...but i guess, i do feel what it means to be given another chance..



i mean, i agree with nj that, maybe people do lag behind in showing their true emotions and dont really understand it...unless you miss 'em...
but i guess, the "miss 'em" part isnt how i want it to be expressed...
and i guess, people wont really realize until the very very end...
and

it would have been too late...then..

i do care you know...
i mean regardless, of anything...
maybe thats what i would have done..

nvr mind..


well these days i find myself hugging my pooh
a lot...
but guess...

my intentions would always be doubted...
nvr mind..
exceptions are something that people really find difficult to understand...(i mean apart from the fact that, thats the reason they are called "exceptions"...but still)



well i dont really have anything to say,
still in the dark...




well, angel,
i dont know whether anything on this planet will last till the end..
but all i know is there is something that will last forever in me...
something..
something...
that will never be lost...
coz its truely unconditional on my side..

















REFLECT on it..


cia
tk care

adios
Sandesh
:(

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heya world..
i dont know whats happening there..
coz all i know is that you dont want to be with me...

lets get this straight...
whatever i say, i mean it...
direct / indirect

never ever did i react to the pain that i got, never ever did i even mention it..
everytime, i thought maybe i am the one who is wrong..and i set would set out to find faults in me and correct them.

maybe to a very small extent, i did meet all the ideals that were put in front of me..
but am i really justified in the way things are happening...???

i mean, why??? why me?,
i never did anything that should hurt...


guess, life's been unfair..but why am i saying it when i dont really believe in it...
i guess, i have been unfair to myself...and i'll always be...
coz i am never going to let go of you, just for the sake of my hapiness..

you may not care, but i do...
you may not understand, i do...
you may not realise...i do...
many tell me..
that after a while...people do take others for granted
and the dont really appreciate their existence until the are missed...


i dont really put that for you....coz, i know your heart very well...
you arent among those...
you are unique in your own ways...which
i am sure, no one...
yes
NO ONE has spotted till now...
but that doesnt really answer the question why i care about you so much???
i mean, "the picture" is only in my mind and no one else's




guess....thats the system of life...and thats how its supposed to work.
someone added me in their friends list somewhere today...

and i was just reflecting on some incidents regarding it...
and i guess...
i have to let my heart do the speaking today...

((these are the references))
well, i was really very scared at that time, and i dint know what to do. but i do remember telling you this, that we have to pretend as enemies for the others...
PRETEND and not actually be enemies..
guess, i was in such a confusion that i couldnt really express myself....properly, and you understood everything except the PRETEND part. well....i do regret that this happened in such a small time..that i really couldnt express myself...again, coz i thought maybe
MAYBE you would get the wrong meaning...and would have used it against me....
although i dont know but, i guess i was a fool to think like that...

today when i added you...and saw your pics after such a long time....i guess, the time was right to communicate what i had in mind...
and i guess, that is what i wanted to say for the past 6 yrs...
i still cry sometimes, thinking about the times, but i guess, you are very well fitted in this cycle of life...and wouldnt want to come out of it..

i only wanted us to ACT as enemies in front of this world...and not in REALITY...


just hate myself...for the things that happened..
but to tell you the truth, after all that i really couldnt find anyone whom i could trust on...i just dint...
and now the person whom i have found a new hope, my sis, my di...
is so freaking angry with me...
that its making me fry my brains out...
but
who cares..


do YOU???
or you???
or perhaphs you??


maybe N does...
maybe you do too...i wont completely neglect that..

but i guess, i am left all alone in this world, to face the challenges...


people lied to me about something..
thinking as if i am going to stop them from doing stuff they wanted to do..
guess my time is over...

i am sorry mom...
but i dont really think people would find me cute...
if i apologise to them holding my ears...

coz how much i cry...
its still me in the end who would have to bear the pain...




maybe NOW after knowing what i wanted to communicate...guess,,,
krsha would TRY to help...
MAYBE
and i guess,
N would be there too...



welll
i dont know what else to say....
coz if this is supposed to be some test for confirming your doubts about my intentions...and expressing exotic intimacies or something....lemme tell you...
there is a clear cut reason behind my love for you, sis.
and that reason is something that i just cant express....may how much i try...

i have always been the person who gets to day the dialogue
"Stop!! I'll get the bomb, you get the girl!!!"
why cant be the one saying
"Set"
hate myself..
feel like killing myself..


i am already half dead...and guess...
people's negative sounding replies are gonna kill the other half soon...

till then
cia
tk care



its really painful for me...
bt i do mean when i say...

I AM SORRY.

maybe today this refers to 2 people.
i know i have/had hurt you, and that you dont really care about my apologies, and that weird face you make when you read my messages...is something...


nvr mind..
i suck
hate myself...

BLACK

Crawling

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't seem

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

Discomfort,endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting/reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...




I want to be with you,
but your millions of miles away.
i wish you would call just to ask about my day.
it would make things so much better
if i could hear you voice,
I guess i can't complain too much,
after all this was my choice.
i wish i could hold you in my arms
and look in to your eyes.i promise
i will always be true to you and
never tell you lies.
its so hard to go to sleep without you by my side.
my tears are the only thing ill ever try to hide.
i lie awake in bed as the tears stream down my face,
they keep going until the hit my pillow case.

I Miss You...



I'm Sorry

I'm sorry, so sorry
Everything doesn't turn out the way it should
Unfair, unpredictable
Life grabs you by the hair and pulls you down
I am screaming, I am screaming
Out to you, out to you
And I say
Come save my life!
It's hurting me, killing me
Please grab my hand
Promise me, promise me
Tell me you'll never let it go
I'm hoping
I'm praying
I'm wishing
I'm saying
You're the one who can save me
I hope that you hear me
My voice, it is fading
It's fading
It's fading
But all you can say is
I'm sorry, so sorry
Everything doesn't turn out the way it should
Unfair, unpredictable
Life grabs you by the hair and pulls you down
You hear me screamin
I am helpless,i am pleading
But you can't save my life
I didn't mean to do this
I hope you forgive me
But I know you won't
My voice is screaming
And i say
And i say
Come save my life!
It's hurting me, killing me
Please grab my hand
Promise me, promise me
Tell me you'll never let it go
I'm hoping
I'm praying
I'm wishing
I'm saying
You're the one who can save me
I hope that you hear me
My voice it is fading
It's fading
It's fading
But I see you walk away, walk away
How could you leave me?
And all you can manage is
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
So sorry, so sorry
Everything doesn't turn out the way it should
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
So sorry, so sorry
Unfair, unpredictable
Life grabs you by the hair and pulls you down
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, so sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry
So sorry, so sorry
I knew u couldn't save me


I'm sorry...


dedicated to angel, with a hell lot of love, care and respect..

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i am questioning my existence...
what in the f'kin world did i do so wrong...that i am having to face the repercussions NOW...
and that too in such a strange and un-fashionable method. I mean, for the legal part of it...i shouldnt care..
but i have to....
coz i just cant see scratches on platinum...
i dont really care about the price rise of gold and the silver and the whatever nonsense stuff....but what i do really care about it...
is something that i really dont have a clue about...

the graph is going down..

i have some plans to execute today..
and i need some results...
coz

yes....

i care
but i guess, i failed to express it...or


but..
i dont know what to say else..
coz everything i do ... the only picture that comes to my mind...
is..



people (NO ONE KNOWS WHO I AM TALKING ABOUT....NO ONE)
acting really really strange..
as if i really care...i mean
superficial behavior is something that i really hate... more than anything..
i could have helped you...
but guess, you chose the other path..

i am not asking you to do as i say, coz
its your life dude..
i mean...
why the hell would i give a fuck about it...




but next time...
when you open up your hunting season in a jungle..
gather information and then use the jungle..

just now it was mme...and therefore,,,
i wouldnt really do anything about it..
coz...

i am not those kind of people...





aaaaahhhhhh

fuck this world..

i cant think about anything else....
ok fine....enough of this hideword language..


straightly


i am sorry...
its too hard for me to see you angry...
i may not..."guys from the boys's..." may not mean anything to you..
(statements....)
but for me...you do mean something alright..
and whatever i am going to today...


is something that should prove it...and if it doesnt...


i would consider myself the biggest looser on this planet..
"the biggest"



more to come..
gtr

cia


I AM SORRY...
hate myself....
:(

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hate myself..
more than ever...


if you can really connect with my heart..
you'll see the meaning of the words..



:'(

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i am sorry...


i wont be expressive any more....
if that is what you want.


i wont do any such thing that would hurt you or make you angry...
may it be this..


but please talk to me...
there are so many things left to do..
and such a weird time has come by...

but really dont want to tell anyone about it..
but i guess...i wont be able to hide it from you.....


its a bit strange...
why suddenly times change..
i mean it has happened before too...


but i am rather against the concept of bad time...and in fact i support that
all these "acts" are being done for a good reason...
maybe so that i learn and do better in life..


but i just cant hide...

well...
i m waiting for the bulb to glow...
coz at the moment, there is a tide in my eyes, that is refusing to go away,
which is making me blind...
and thus i cant find the switch myself...



i need someone..
help me..

i am helpless...


maybe even in this field and mood of sadness...
i would like to thank you for all that you are doing for me...
maybe in a different way though....but i still accept the fact that (maybe) its being done keeping in mind, of my development...



i have given up hopes on the others...but i am happy that...at least there is someone to count on..
this moment just doent seem to end...


but there is one thing...that i really wanna share...
i mean, maywhat the situations be...
i have always been puzzled by the statements...
things going completely opposite to each other...

how i used to wish...i could be,
but i guess....its just me..
i am never supposed to get anything that i have desired..


makes me quite weak in that sense..
the more i try to ignore it...
the more it runs towards me...


my assumptions have been proved wrong...
the negligence to past incidences....

but guess...in the end i am not supposed to get anything...


in the end..
in the f'ing end...
to my desires...

i'll let life take control of me and let it go in the direction it wants to take me..
i wont say a word...


but i guess, i should have deserved better..





its so heavy...so so
sad
and painful...




but i still dream of the perfect(ion)
u still are the angelic sis you ised to be for me...
i will change myself...
the only thing that will remain unchanged is my love
set out on a dream...that was born out of mere sparks...
and i am happy...that i am able to contribute to the spark..





love you...
i know care isnt that i should be expecting..dont worry..
i understand that part too..


every single action or word tells me everything...
thats how much...




Sandesh
:(




the very thought makes me cry...
suddenly woke up around at 4am in the morning today...after a sleepless night (yet again)
i was sweating like shit...but i dint care about anything...
i couldnt stop myself from crying...
and hugging my Pooh!!!
generating hope in my heart....i sms'd to keep myself from crying...
but guess..you havent still 4g**** me..



help me kick this time..
i want to throw it away from my sight..




wish i can regain all the thoughts, and feelings..

Sandesh
:(

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i m sorry mom...
but i know you got the hint that i am sad...
but still i dint tell you i am...


anyways thnx a lot for you birthday wishes...mom
and i truely agree that for you i was always born today...

i know you wanted to talk more...but somehow, i just wasnt in the mood to do so...coz
ya


more than anything ...
all those things are happening that i fear so much...

at dinner, suddenly everyone asked me what happened??
how the hell did they knew i was crying...
i mean, my eyes might have been red...but i had wiped the tears properly..

somemore...my heart was burning inside...its so heavy...

only one of the places in my heart is keeping the ventilation properly...
even it has got some problems...but i guess, she would understand..
i know she is different...

:(

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Sister, Please Hold My Hand

As we journey through this land

Together we stand, together we will fall

No matter what, God will keep us together

That will be the best of all

Sister, please hold my hand

Because without you I can't stand

For we were put on this earth for a reason

To go through every good and bad season

Sister, please hold my hand

As our strength, together, builds each other to become strong

So that our love for each other will last long

u mean a lot to me...and to see you angry at me..
is not the way i can see,
i need to understand somethings..
i know...
but i am still a baby,
who has yet to learn a lot in life...
somesay, brothers are special gifts that sister cant afford to take,
but i say..
i have a sister, whose more than just a present and yet i can afford it.
i know you know how much u mean to me...
and thats the reason, to see you angry is not the way i see..

i.am.sorry.
sis.di.angel

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why why why...??

as well i was dwelling in the sadness...
and somemore..

now even di's angry with me...

what worse can this get?




i dont know what to do..
i cant concentrate on anything...

i dont really care about my sadness...
but di getting angry with me, is something that i really fear..
(its one of the very few things in the world i fear...i dont even fear god, as much as i fear di's and mom's anger)
i m sorry..
my only hope and inspiration to come out of the sadness is now losing my grip...


i really dint have any intentions about that...please understand this..
i m sorry...


my eyes just blurred for a while..coz of a tear..
hate myself..


imanasshole
:'(

crying...
:'(
;.(

sis i m sorry...pls dont be angry with me..
love you

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just got up after a sleepless night...
it was horrible last night..

i cried
for like 45 minutes..ystrday..
(as if ANYONE cares..)

my act of selflessness is putting me in a very awkward position...


slept without the P last night...
and i could feel the emptiness in my arms..

still shocked about what i came to know yesterday..

but i dont know...




guess...no one will ever understand the extent to which i love
and at the end of the day, it will a become a topic of laughter and jokes..
and taken very lightly....

but why would anyone want to understand...




i m depressed and i really dont know what to do.
its really not in me to be angry...(for a long time)

why dint i get a heart attack last night...and just just die..??


i dont wanna talk about anything else...

but dont worry...
my role wont suffer because of this..

i will still be selfless...and try my best to bear all the "forced" behaviour of people.

anyways for ppl...who are interested...
my second birthday today..actually third..
this one according to the Hindu calender...

so basically hpy birthday to myself...
and wish...i dont get any more shocks and surprises for brtday gifts..


i am quite happy celebrating it myself..

maybe i will go ECP and spend some time myself...
take this as an invitation...
and prove me wrong..


coz
i really cant take this "ACTS" of "things"
i want REAL thoughts and actions and feelings...


nvr mind...
i wanted to send the sms again
but guess....ppl wont have time,
so maybe it wont be such a good idea...

:(
Sandesh

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Why...why why??? was it kept away from me..
where did i fall short..

hate myself for not living upto my expectations...
yes..
i am crying...(why am i even saying all this....it doesnt even make a difference to anyone...ppl are still gonna continue their HAPPY lives...)its been like a shock for me

i mean...atleast its better than everything normal..
i mean...
NOW i understand..

but why...??
why me..????????

guess "the cut off from the rest of the world.." was a better option..

i tried to not let it affect me...but i guess...after doing so much and literally getting nothing...
i really dont understand why..
but maybe now i am getting the faint ideas...why..






but why the hell am i still so patient...and keeping the pain to myself..??
i dont know...

anyone in my position would have gotten a HEART ATTACK... after coming to know what i just came to know...


if security is the real reason...then i dont see any point in me being not secure..







i put life to luck.. ( i hate to believe in luck)
(as we put body to ball to block a shot in floorball)

but i am seriously hurt now...and maybe
NO ONE has any reason to be a part of it...





but i still cant figure it out..
why is it happening like that..


i mean, not being in the "forwarded msging list" is not a problem with me..
but even at the "level"....
thats really like torture on someone...






i have given up now...
and maybe its gonna a very long time...when things will be back on track...


why dont i deserve...??

why has this world ALWAYS (including now) been cruel to me...??
why cant i really get what i ALWAYS wanted to get...???

why why why..
maybe i just dont deserve any of this delecacies...

you know how to define "LIFE"

sandesh
FY'all






i hate this...but this really short period of time has taught me something that i guess...i have been neglecting (i still want to neglect it and throw it away...but i guess ppl dont are forcing me not to....)




i still cant believe it...
prove me WRONG...
please do..

you have the power...
:'(

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should i be happy or should i be sad...
do birthdays mark another year of "survival", as someone says....or as one year closer to your death, as I say...

but arguement need not go further, coz the result is predictable.
i mean..yes it is...LIKE duh..














well...
thanx everyone for the wonderful time that you created for me..
it was really wonderful...
evening was marked by a really LATE visit to McD @ ECP...and so ya, i was actually declared 16yrs old...woohoo...haha (LAME LAME LAME)
after all the hoohoohaha...and a failed plan of playing Truth'n'Dare or even dancing was turned down...
coz of time..
aaahhh...



















i had the chance..!!! haha lolz

so ya...
but we decided to walk back...and we walked and walked and walked and walked...
was talking to angel all the while...

wonderful person she is...
and surprising too..

lolz









well, to be reflective about things that happened yesterday..
there is no way you can classify love into different "senses"
love is love...its just the medium that differs...seriously..
lol
but i dont know...
i love so much that i just care about the theoretical part..
i mean its just natural on this side...


anyways...
things that were necessary were of course communicated...
so ya...





and the best thing to happen..
i forgot the GIFT tht was given to me at McD. I called them and asked them...but dint have enough success.....
:(
i really feel about it..
still feel that itch...

aw man..

today was good...
in some sense at least...











morning was the IOC dialogue session in school...for which i was selected as a facilitator.
it wasnt that bad...it was just
BAD...i mean..
average i would say..










FOR ME ATLEAST...
it dint leave upto the hype...but still OK..


















came back...slept..
tnya forced me to go Hindi School...
and so i went..i really had nothing else to do anyways...
came to know there was a test over there...
so time really passed on fast..

came back...dinner....
Hindi lesson with Nrpa..haha

and then the usual dance practice..
about which, i am so disgusted that i really dont wanna write anything about it..











heck care heck care




























I am still waiting for a reply to an sms....sent in the morning...
coz...i can wait forever...
thats what you mean to me..












but i did a comparison
and somehow..the same thoughts come back rushing to my mind...like the air field created when a jumbo jet passes over a cloud...lol

but on the serious side...
..nvr mind..

lets chuck that...
























so well...
i am here again...
after surviving another year in this freaking world...
sitting on a comfortable bed...with a Baby Pooh sitting on my laps...its just so cute..
























well...today isnt going to be a poem or anything...
its gonna be different...
its gonna be something of an expectation..
something that would energise me to an extent...of me doing crazy stuff..






















but i guess...since its gonna be really hard to understand, i will limit it down to a short 'n' sweet self made statements...
which conveys my love to the fullest extent...

YOU are a gift to my heart, a friend to my spirit, a golden thread in the meaning of my life.

A brother is a guy God gave YOU,......A guy is a brother YOUr heart chose.

Having a loving relationship with YOU is not simply to have a buddy or just another girl—it is to have an angelic soulmate for life.

YOU are the biggest part of my childhood that will never be lost in my memories for my whole LIFE....coz maybe you are my life...

after some time

You would be so far away from me,

and i will miss you

BUT i can promise that

the next time you are here

you'll see the same me,

the same Sandesh.

this is just a small way to tell you that I Love YOU.

Dedicated to my sister.
I <3>

sis.di.angel.









Sandesh
:D
tk care

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haha
happy birthday to myself..
to my new self...

well...comparisons make me reflect that things are becoming way different than they were last year, but maybe its relieving to know thats its better in some sense...

well last nite wasnt that bad, i mean ya...it wasnt ...
lolz


angel was the first one to wish me... <3 style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">u angel
mom and dad were next in line...
then akshat and the list thus continues so on and so forth...but why am i so happy about people wishing me...


is because of the events that happened before "the event"...so ya


got people asking me weird weird questions and making me nervous like shit....but i mean..
i dont know whether i am right or wrong...

but well...there are "those" reasons keeping me away...
i am really not that strong to bear the pain of going away... (although, yes...i would try my best to not let it happen), but i guess, i am right in keeping it as a possibility....

the very idea of leaving you makes me sad...


but
its good that the confessions were made..."artistically"
and that it was good on ur part....to care abt my feelings first..
lolz

but at the moment...all i can say is that..
of course...my decision would also be "as expected", but i'll take time to settle in..

well...anyways..
thats life...
so i really cant quarrel with it...better to leave it like that..


but yes...i do love you...to the core...
coz..you re different...
coz you are my sis...
you are my angel...
and ofcourse...you are forever my di...

will write more l8r...at the moment..i have stuff

more will come..

<3


Sandesh
forever urs..

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something to add more to that...
well happy April Fool's day to everyone..

i compared....the pranks..
and even though both were almost completely opposite..

but even then...
i guessed..i was wrong in using the word "day" for the previous post
every second of your existence makes me care for you...
the graph isnt just linear...the love grows exponentially..

and i am really happy with the prospect that someone like you
will always encourage me to do well...

more to come...
i mean...the eartly languages arent just enough to describe how much i respect you...
but i guess....i can use the languages to their extent in "trying" to describe...



feel lucky to be ur bro...
,ay you live forever....
i mean...you will.....in my heart...

SANDESH
<3

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i bet something is being hidden from me..
something that can change my perspectives if i know about it...

but..
mysteries have been building up...

i dont really know why ppl having doubting companies..
not to be a Jack and a PokeyPoker here...but i think, it wasnt planned or anything..


never mind..

well..
called NJ today...had a nice li'l time talking to her..
forgot all my worries for that day coz of that...
influence of people in life...just changes you as a person...seriously..

today's post gonna be short..

well..

with every coming day...i feel like loving you more and more and more and more..
but then, i start thinking about the day when my love would grow...but physically, it would be incorporated in the soft piece of rubber and cotton inside...with little gem-like spheres...

lolz

her hearts like gold,
always shining...always shining bright
but so fragile that
a single touch can be
detrimental...
and maybe thats why
i always handle wearing gloves...
with a placard near it saying..
HANDLE WITH CARE...

even though i have backup plans,
but i dont want anyone to experiment,
for life may or maynot have been fair,

in any ways..
i'll always care...



angel

cia
Sandesh

adios
:D

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