Until you crash
Until you burn
Until you lie
Until you learn
Until you see
Until you believe

Until you fight
Until you fall
Until the end of everything at all
Until you die
Until you’re alive

Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz I don’t care
Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz
I don’t care

Until you give
Until you’ve used
Until you’ve lost
Until you lose
Until you see, how could you believe?

Until you’ve lived a thousand times
Until you’ve seen the other side
This is my chance, this is my self.

Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz I don’t care
Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz
I don’t care

Until the truth becomes a lie
Until you change, until you deny
Until you believe

This is my chance, this is my chance
I’ll take it now because I can
This is my chance, I want it now

Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz I don’t care
Don’t save me, don’t save me, cuz
I don’t care

Save me, save me, save me
Save me, save me, save me
I don’t care

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Talk to me angel,
i miss your voice
your silence is killing me, and
i am tired of this life.

your feelings are unsound
you too are confused
but i m not blaming you
because its not your fight

but i do want you to
be there with me
to stand by my side
and help me fight this misery!

dont do this to me
I cant take it anymore
i know u are trying to fight it out
but i need my angel too


:(

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Confessions of a confused soul to an angel

for that light you showed me
through the darkness of a confused heart
for the words you thought you'd say
that was awaited so long by the silence in my mind.
i still remember your face and your closed eyes
that just made me look at you for hours and hours
there are so many words left unsaid
that tell a new story but for the reasons you'll never know
i will not say anything.
i remember that first sight which i can never forget
and that lovely smile that melts me inside
but now, everything seems so different
and your silence has grown so much, its making my
thoughts go wild.
tears roll down my eyes, when i think of you
your presence incaptivates me in my own mind
and that piece on the piano just moves me
to the beauty of your eyes.
but angel, i am confused now
everything's changing so fast
and in this world of selfish people
i just seem to miss that past.
you say you are the same and
that i dint do anything
but whenever i see you, whenever i talk to you now
something feels weird, something feels strange.
and it hurts me in my heart so much
that i only feel like running to you
and crying in your laps
to tell you that this is unfair
i feel so lonely and nobody!! NOBODY CARES!
and i know your heart will want
to say something but still you wont say
because you'd think it may not be right.

(to be continued...)


i m not gonna say further..
wrote these few lines in the morning... but i dunno whether whoever was supposed to understood it...

when you smile, the world smiles with you
when you smile, you make me want to smile too
when you smile, the room smiles with you
when you smile, butter melts and i do too!



and guys please dont, i SAY dont ask me about what or who or whatever the poem's about/for/anything.. yeah!
oh and blog's gonna be taken off in a few days for updating template! yea!

so till then..
keep waiting..


Sandesh
:(

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i swear upon the birds and tress,
that i am not well,
this is the path that you made me take
and now it seems like it'll probably never be..
i cant tell you whats wrong with me,
because you cant see that deep,
it is more than just the crying and sighing,
that lies beneath me...
i dont know why you changed so much,
so much so that you forgot everything
like with a fresher smell of nectar,
you flew away like a bee...
i put my heart open in front of you
without ever doubting and so u know what i feel inside, but
all you did was take it up the building
and threw it at the sky...
and now its falling down and down,
pulled towards the darkness
that lies beneath...
and soon shall the time come
when it would never be seen

you are making me so angry..
and you dont care...
because all that is running through your mind..
is about you, and your life and your kind.
there was a time,
when i had the magic
and this is very true...
whenever i picked up my phone,
i cud always know what you had to say..
but now that magic is gone,
i see my phone... and see the blankness in it
all i know now is that you just dont wanna say..

i still remember that time when
words were said..
and i thought maybe things were right..
but all you did was drift away
to turn my bright day.. into the darkest night :(
i try to do so much for you
so much so that you dont even know..
but for the things that you think you know..
i dont see any emotions (from you), cause you never show...
i still remember out first talk,
when u talked so differently,
that was perhaps the best "mini" conversation,
i'll always remember in life..
i tried to talk to you, to tell you what i feel
but you were so far away,
you couldnt make out what i said..
but you still chose to keep the distance
because everything was so "RIGHT" for you
everytime those tears rolled down on cheeks (mine)
was like eating chocolate ice cream for you.
i thought you cared, i still think you do..
but you are just taking it so easy
i cant do anything but sigh

friends talk to each other
friends clear away doubts
friends stick by ur side,
when things are fucked up in your mind..
and you arent doing anything of that sort,
maybe its too much for you..
but like the way you are getting on with it
you are moving away from that person i knew
i dont know whats going through your mind,
but for now, my mind is SCREWED.
a "are you ok?" is also NOT what i am expecting,
a smile is all i need.

i know there are always reasons
and i'll be happy to hear it all
but hiding all that away from me...
is definitely - SO NOT MAKING ME HAPPY! ("for your happiness" - ya rrite!!)

i know you enough to tell you
that no matter what you wont change,
but you are determined to prove me wrong.
because maybe "you dont like" what i said...
i m sorry, i hope you'll forgive me
forgive the person who is
a mile and a half below the ocean,
looking for that hand he needs..
that hand that he knows he'll find,
find in time to save himself
and pull him away from this misery.

i dont know what else to say,
coz my heart and mind feels heavy,
its just a matter of moments,
before the hyena cries.
i wish that you'll try,
try to explain to me the saddest fact of my life.
dont think what i will feel about it.
you have already killed me inside.

but no matter what,
i'll still never forget all that imagery that comes to my mind..
because
that night, you were the star i wished upon
that WE'll make things right!





guys i know this is weird and out of a sudden but somehow its just true....
none of you have an idea whats wrong with me..
and i cant tell anyone about it...because no one will understand the depth of it...

somehow i thought time will make things right...but it did not..
and i have to face it all again...
myself..

so ya..
hope you all like the new blog design...
i dint have enough time to add more stuff like always do...
i still need to mess up with the codes and everything
exams been keeping me busy for a while..


-
Sandesh

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that moment when you left me behind,
all the while, made me cry and think about you..


i will not let any of this go...because all this is attached to you and nothing matters if i cant do this..
so i will fucking push myself against my limits and do whatever it takes to get there... i'll do my best...NOTHING but the best... i know this sounds crazy at this point...but NOW is the only time i have in hand, and this is all that i'll probably ever get... and i cant let this ruin everything..

so i'll fight everything that comes my way and i'll save those tears and keep it for the time when happiness comes knocking on my door, and i'll say.. "Heyy, what took you so long? Missed the train?"

bloody hell.... this is even more painful than any of the floorball trainings i have gone through... i'd rather do 20 sets of suicides than go through this.. but like i went through all that, i'll go through all this and make the best out of it...cause champions sacrifice to excel... and they strive to win..

my sacrifices wont go waste..
cause i strive to win.


Impossible is Nothing.
Prove everyone wrong sandesh. This is the time. Show everyone that you can go beyond limits that people cant even think of. ENDURE THIS and the fruits shall be sweet at the end of the track...



-
Sandesh

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if i can only hope...
if i can only wish...
if i can only imagine...
if i can only dream...
if i can only cry...
if i can only sigh...
i will only love, love you
i will only be there, be there for you
you can make my hopes hopeful...
you can make my wishes come true...
you can make my imagination run wild...
you can make my dreams come alive...
you can make me cry tears of happiness...
you can make me not sigh...
IF you can love, love me
IF you can be there, be there with me



ah, i wish i could read your mind...
so that i'd know what makes you love someone!!


:)
i m happy...for a while i guess..
but this happiness here, for now, is definitely cause of you!
thnk u
<3

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sometimes you don't feel like talking,
not cause you don't want to,
or you don't wish to,
or that you don't like who
you're talking to.

it's just that sometimes
you feel, after saying
something, something of great
importance to your heart,
or your soul, you feel
that you don't feel it
anymore.

like as though,
by saying it,
you're letting it go,
and you know,
sometimes, you don't
want to let things go.

because you know
things can go on
and new things
can grow
out of what
has been grown.

and because
you want to feel
feel that something
that sort of shows
that you're still
alive and not
part of an
illusion.

but keeping things
inside of you
like a bottle
will not help
because you know
someday,
somehow,
somewhy,
it'll be opened

and if there's
just too much being
bottled up,
everything will
just spill out
instantly,
automatically,
logically,
and it'll just
be too much,
too much, for
anyone to get
what you feel
what you say
what you think.


but despite all your wants,
your needs, your desires,
you know in this world,
things are going to go
against you,

not because you're
right and they
are wrong,
or they being
right and you
being wrong,
but because
in actual fact
there's no
right or wrong.

but still despite all those
negative happenings
occurring around you,
as though it's taking
over your world,

you should be living
for that small little
good thing right there,
and not forsaking
anything, or everything
with the thought
of ending it all.


no clue as to why those words came out,
with me not understanding half of what's
being written after re-reading,
still, it's the way i want it,
to have it written down,
as though engraved into something,
because, i don't want to let it out.
i still want to feel.

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You are the darkness, a blind man sees.
You are the brightness, the sun shine gives.
You are the light that darkness needs,
You ARE the impression, that your sweet smile leaves.

You are the dream I always wanna see
You are the imagination, I always wanna feel
You are the voice of the nightingale,
But you ARE in my heart, that's burning like hell.

You are the toy, a child wants to play
You are the fairy tale, a story teller wants to say
You are the notes, a singer wants to sing.
You ARE the hunter in the night, waiting for the day..

You are my ____,
You are my soul,
You are _______,
The angelic beauty I know.


I am sorry for whatever is making you do this to me.. Your words left me crying yesterday.
They struck me like bullets... You cant remove the bullets, but you can definitely ease the pain.. I beg you to become who you were before.... I beg you to talk to me the way you used to before... I beg you...
do that for me...

and please i cant be selfish...
not for you..
because every feeling that comes from me for you..
is unconditional..

:'(
I am sorry... hope you'll forgive me...and help me become who i was before...
for only you can bring the old "me" back...

i promise i'll be a better person...
please just forgive me...

:(

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Mama, we all go to hell.
Mama, we all go to hell.
I'm writing this letter and wishing you well,
Mama, we all go to hell.

Oh, well, now,
Mama, we're all gonna die.
Mama, we're all gonna die.
Stop asking me questions, I'd hate to see you cry,
Mama, we're all gonna die.

And when we go don't blame us, yeah.
We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah.
You made us, oh, so famous.
We'll never let you go.
And when you go don't return to me my love.

Mama, we're all full of lies.
Mama, we're meant for the flies.
And right now they're building a coffin your size,
Mama, we're all full of lies.

Well Mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue,
You should've raised a baby girl,
I should've been a better son.
If you could coddle the infection
They can amputate at once.
You should've been,
I could have been a better son.

And when we go don't blame us, yeah.
We'll let the fires just bathe us, yeah.
You made us, oh, so famous.
We'll never let you go.

She said: "You ain't no son of mine
For what you've done they're gonna find
A place for you
And just you mind your manners when you go.
And when you go, don't return to me, my love."
That's right.

Mama, we all go to hell.
Mama, we all go to hell.
It's really quite pleasant
Except for the smell,
Mama, we all go to hell.

2 - 3 - 4
Mama! Mama! Mama! Ohhh!
Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma...

And if you would call me your sweetheart,
I'd maybe then sing you a song

There's shit that I've done with this fuck of a gun,
You would cry out your eyes all along.

We're damned after all.
Through fortune and flame we fall.
And if you can stay then I'll show you the way,
To return from the ashes you crawl.

We all carry on (We all carry on)
When our brothers in arms are gone (When our brothers in arms are gone)
So raise your glass high
For tomorrow we die,
And return from the ashes you crawl.


Sometimes in the midst of all the chaos we often forget about those who are struggling to be there, struggling to just even show their presence even though it doesnt really matter to anyone or anything. If you ask me, I AM in that situation right now. I have no idea what is wrong, or if there is anything that is right in the first place... but I promise I'll do whatever it takes on my part to make things right. But for now I need a fucking hell lot of time, especially after the end of A Division Nationals, for which we got the champion's trophy. I cried day before yesterday because everything came down so fucking hard on me that I had no other way to let it out. NO FUCKING OTHER WAY! I feel so lonely, and during all this everyone else is being at their selfish best. How am I supposed to get well? How am I supposed to get over this crying bullshit? I dont know and I really dont have any idea. But from what I can see or do... I will be having a lot of sleepless nights and tiring days ahead of me. I dont really know how much that means for YOU, but if it does... even a bit, then please TALK to me.
hate this feeling that keeps coming back again and again. I know I am a looser, LIFE you dont have to PROVE it to me again and again.

FUCK OFF LIFE
PISS OFF EVERYONE

The world is so bloody selfish especially you...
hate these selfish people and this selfish world.

:(

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Explosions in the sky - Your hand in mine


A glimpse into your eyes
A new certainty
A more serious love
Our future together
Your heart in mine
Time spent in eternity
Eternity is not forever
Bittersweet remembrance
Together in eternity
I'll never forget
Your hand in mine.




just love it...

"i rather know,
i'm going all wrong,
than to know,
i'm not going
anywhere at all


so where am i
in this spectrum?
for all i know is
that i'm not moving
forward at all."

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Its
too late
The scars are healed
Now I know how I feel and
Now
I know
That you lied all along
That it was so wrong

So, Now I try
Not, to cry
Its over now
And here is how

Because its the end
The story is over
No we can't be friends
Not when I'm this broken
So this tragic
Love story
I don't know how It can
But this time I'm sure
It's the end

So walk
away
I'm no longer a
Damsel in distress
Now I'm such a mess and
This is
The final page
The climax of this story
I'm sorry if its boring

So, burn this book
Get rid of these
Memories
I dont know how
Long it took
To get over this
I know I wont miss this

Because its the end
The story is over
No we can't be friends
Not when I'm this broken
So this tragic
Love story
I don't know how It can
But this time I'm sure
It's the end

So turn the final page
I'm exiting the stage cause it
Hurts to much to stay
Cause I'm wasting away
I just wish now that
You throw this book away

Because its the end
The story is over
No we can't be friends
Not when I'm this broken
So this tragic
Love story
I don't know how It can
But this time I'm sure
It's the end




i m always there..
please dont leave..
i m waiting and i'll never give up
coz u are special,
and i can lose everything
because u r the only one i wanna keep...



say something,
i m dying to hear...
smile a bit,
i m dying to see
be with me,
i m dying to find happiness..


uuuurrrrggghhh...
i m thinking too much..

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Everytime, I think of You
Even in these confused times, when the world is nothing but chaotic, I know that somethings are crystal clear and no matter how random they sound they always seem to make sense... because you are the You I think of, EVERYTIME. and I am sorry for tonight, I know i was being an idiot. Dont lose your cool. You mean a lot to me. :) I DID THE RIGHT THING. WHEN WILL YOU?

Everytime I see those eyes,
I feel like putting up my heart
at your knees,
Everytime I see that smile,
I feel like looking at the moon
and telling it - "Ha, you are not even close."
Everytime I hear that heart beat,
I seem to get that feeling, to do anything
to make it beat forever and ever.

Everytime I see you look at me,
I feel like freezing that moment,
and when you smile with that - "ooooh, I just cant seem to close my eyes"
Everytime you hit me,
I feel like being hit again and again,
Everytime you say "I dunno"
I feel like forgetting everything I know,
just to try and think like you.

Everytime you become silent,
I feel like screaming,
to break that "nothingness"
Everytime you laugh like a choking bird,
I feel like being that bird
who is saved by you,
Everytime I hold your cold hands,
I feel like holding an angels'
that powers me,
that strengthens me,
that gives me the reason,
to even die for you

But when I look at time,
I imagine the ticks and tocks of that clock,
running and pacing me,
and with every thomping move -
KILLING ME inside,
because I'll never know,
what you feel inside, whether it is the true nature,
or is it chaotic
and so when I die,
just do these few things
and I might live on and on in your heart...

Open your eyes, and smile
and let your heart beat and feel mine,
Look at me, and silently laugh at
all the times we've had together.
Squeeze your hands through mine and
hold them tight so that I know
you are there to pull me.




I am sorry.
I know I am idiot.
But know that no matter what,
I AM ALWAYS THERE.
WAITING FOR THAT MOVE..
waiting for that smile... with a smile.
:)

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RJ, stop emoing.... it doesnt make a fucking difference... i have no idea when you'll actually try to look at ur own situation from a different angle???
come on man...

i cant understand these complexities, never ever before this did u label everything in silence. But why now?? tell me abt it... i m dying to listen.
wanna rewind time?? huh?? well i'll tell you what...i wanna do that, in fact i m desperate to do that...so that i could have never done those things that i did... which is making me lose you...making u slowly drift away and away.... which is eating me inside... and i have no way to let it out... no way... it is making my heart heavier...heavier heavier... :(

i really dont mind when things dont happen the way, they are s'posed to... i mean, ya.. it does hurt inside somewhere deep... but i really dont mind... as long as you are contempt with it...as long you are satisfied..

why in the midst of those fucktards...do you have to pretend to be someone else?? why..??
dont.. please dont.. :(



i want the earlier to come back...
oh i still remember that awesome time...

but maybe things just dont go the way you want it to go... and i know i cant have everything in the world...
but to me, for once, i felt i had everything... but after that horrible sunshine,
everything just changed...
the fucking game started playing against me, and no matter what i tried to do, i felt alone. coz SILENCE prevailed...


all those failed conversations... all those texts and talks that i thought might tell me what happened... it just doesnt seem to work...


if what i told u is what you are thinking about...then please...DONT THINK ABOUT IT...
i mean if i really wanted replies for it... i would have done that LONG AGO!!!! coz as i always say before the idiot, crazy, weird, insane, idiot, dumbo person that i am, i m always something else before it and that is, to me the source that keeps me going.... HAPPINESS is my first priority... i just wanted to let you know thats all.. uuuuurrrrrrggggghhhhh i need to talk... shit!!

anyways about other stuff

oh
and for that idiot all you can do or say is "fuck off" (i mean, even though you dont even know the meaning of the words, which is quite ironical in a way but ya... for that - HAHA).. i mean everyone knows you are selfish, so why not try surprising people someday... Well, i know i had wrong perceptions, and i too am a vicitm of it, but none the less, all your "if u are...." blah blah crap is nothing but an abuse.. which also reflects your damned selfishness...



anyways i cant explain how i m feeling right now....but i think it is the best i can do for the moment...

I'LL EDIT THIS POST LATER ON.

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Oh baby here comes the sound!
I took a train outta New Orleans and they shot me full of ephedrine.
This is how we like to do it in the murder scene.
Can we settle up the score?

If you were here I'd never have a fear.
So go on live your life.
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.

You're beautiful!

Well I'm a total wreck and almost every day.
Like the firing squad or the mess you made.
Well don't I look pretty walking down the street.
In the best damn dress I own?

If you were here I'd never have a fear.
So go on live your life.
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.
You're so far away.
So c'mon show me how.
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.

Some might say we are made from the sharpest things you say
We are young and we don't care. (oh whoa ow)
Your dreams and your hopeless hair. (oh whoa ow)
We never wanted it to be this way.
For all our lives.
Do you care {at all}?

If you were here I'd never have a fear.
So go on live your life.
But I miss you more than I did yesterday.
You're so far away.
So c'mon show me how.
'Cause I mean this more than words can ever say.

(What'd you call me?)
(Well, there's no way I'm kissing that guy)





ya guys... just get the idea why this was put up...
haiz...


rj stop emoing for goodness sake...
it fucking doesnt matter coz even if u are doing for "whtevr reasons u have", the "reason" doesnt even know you are sad. Instead...
TALK god damn it!!!!

uuurrrrggghhh..
i m such a loser..

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Long ago
Just like the hearse you die to get in again
We are so far from you

Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate
The lives of everyone you know
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Came a time
When every star fall brought you to tears again
We are the very hurt you sold
And what's the worst you take (worst you take)
from every heart you break (heart you break)
And like the blade you stain (blade you stain)
Well I've been holding on tonight

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend to leave and then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide?

What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
And if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight









hmmm..
wow!

for someone

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I came like the wind;
I’ll go away like a breeze.
As though I was never meant to be.

My mind's weird, I too am weird
but never has reality ever affected it.
My heart was the weaker one,
and every little moment, it wanted to keep.

When I think of what caught up with me so fast,
I don’t really know the answer,
but if I think about the time, the stars were named,
I can only think of you.

I can die to see that smile,
but when somehow,
you don’t seem to notice
I just seem to lose mine.

I know I won’t give up,
coz that is how
I wanted things to be,
but in the run for
the desires and expectations
someone seems to fade away,
in the darkness of those thoughts.

whenever I see what I don’t want to see
whenever I hear what I don’t want to hear
whenever I feel what I don’t want to feel
I just seem like shouting,
the scream of silence.
The scream of sadness.
And I know I make things weird,
make u find urself in weird situations,

but...

I know, I am sorry.

I don’t know how you made your way through,
but I do know that you'll never feel alone now,
I won’t let.

You gave me the strength
to become myself again.
and it just feels nice,
even when I think of you

but I doubt things are
the same on your side,
coz u never let me know
coz u keep secrets very close

I want to reach out
to that sweet little heart of yours
to give it the support it needs,
and the love it deserves.

I want to hold your baby-hands,
day and night,
smiles and joys, in rain and in pain

my thoughts are shut tight,
deep within me
my hearts asking for a way out
and it can’t see anything from here.

I don’t know what happened...
in those years,
when i wasnt around,
but i know it wasn't easy.
I can see it on your face,
I can see it in your eyes,
I can see it in your heart,
and I can see it in your mind.

Will you come with me
away from this planet, far away?
Deeper into the space, where nobody can see
and all there would be, it’s just you and me.
Is it fear or my strength that drives me?
Is it love or pain that kills me?
Is it emotions or expressions that save me?
I question till my weak heart melts,
but I won’t let the world weaken it completely,
coz there is something present there,
which I don’t want to lose..
And well I think if not everyone,
at least u should know it’s YOU!

I am scared that,
time will break the threads
that link us from head to toe,
time will come and force us apart,
and I don’t have the courage to fight that.
I know I’d still do whatever I can...but
i know in my mind.
I'll lose.
Will I then, be able to save my heart?
Will I then, be able to tell you... that
you were the first,
and the last one on my charts?


IT always comes as a surprise,
and a hurting surprise at that...
maybe you dont realise that,
I do feel it that way.
I won’t leave you;
I want to stay in your heart and mind
forever.

But
I know, I am already dead.


revive me, save me
bring me back to life,
and I’ll be the one for you
no matter how hard things be,
I’ll always be there for you.


you are the that thought I’d love to carry in my mind,
you are the blood I’d love to run in my heart,
you are the breath I’d love to feel as the wind blows into my face,
yours' is the beauty I’d love to remember forever...

like that one little star in the center.

You are my waking dream
You're all that's real to me
You are the magic in the world I see

You are the prayer I sing
You brought me to my knees
You are the faith that made me believe

Dreams on Fire
Higher and Higher
Passions burning bright on the pyre
One spark forever yours
Give me all your heart
Dreams on Fire
Higher and Higher

You are my ocean waves
You are my thought each day
You are the laughter from childhood games

You are the spark of dawn
You are where I belong
You are the ache I feel in every song

Maybe I should never have told you,
Maybe then would I not be so angry with myself.
Maybe then my confessions wouldn't have been...
so brutally painful.

I wanna know what you feel,
Cause that is what will pacify me,
That is what will bring me up again,
I am a dreamer and I dream a lot,
But when you don't seem to speak,
it all just feels like a mirage.

When in the darkness I'll cry,
When in the brightness I'll strive to see you smile,
When in the rain I'll seek to give you shelter,
When in pain I'll die to give you love.

(every star was centered around this)






PS. - THE POEM ISNT FINISHED. I'LL WAIT UNTIL THE POET UPDATES.


hehe
i know its very unexpected.
but i think "some" of the things are definitely relevant..






i was thinking about the "past" and somehow, things feel weird..
is 2 years that short of a time..??? i wonder..

maybe u'd undrstnd.

:(

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as i look down that path..
it feels different now...

a bit darker...than what i expected..
ya..



i know it wasnt easy..
even though the end is near, physically yes...

but this is not where we end..
this is not where we stop..

we go beyond than where our imagination takes us.
we go beyond that last lap..
we go beyond everything.

i m sorry if u think, i was inefficient
but thats definitely not what i intended, or even wish for.


i know you can look deep inside me,
and when u do that,
i know YOU know, i m serious
:)



yes..
Open your eyes, and see around... everything is for you to get...for you to want...and for you to love.

that was for you!
Sandesh
:)

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u were that narrow minded...
OMfG!

seriously...
grow up and learn to appreciate truth more than the web of lies thts filling your mind!

:(

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Happy Fuckin' 17th Birthday!!


why dont i just get myself a tag saying
Beware: Causes trouble and extreme sadness for people within a 10m radius.

I mean, WTF!!
seriously..

i thought maybe it would turn out to be the best day of my life...
i mean, all this and that...
but




with the appearance of those fucking rays of the sun...everything just crashed into each other...
and all was gone...
puff...



FUCK!!!
bloody hell..
i m gonna beat the crap out of that person....if i get to him tomorrow...
and trust me, that might just be his last day...







i mean,
birthday's are s'posed to be a day when u are happy and all into yourself..
but guess what..


i started the fucking day by crying...
and crying over what???


over the most pissing thing i could have done to anyone..
why the bloody hell did i had to invite...
i mean, as if i m not screwed enough that now i m determined to screw other people's lives...



i think, this life is just better off to be lived alone...
fucking alone...
without anyone...







anyways...
to that person,



thnx... for that!!! i'll always remember it....
but that wont stop me from expecting another one next year...









and to that fucking idiot sitting out there looking at everything as though it were movie..
lemme tell you what.., EVEN THOUGH I KNOW U FUCKING DONT EXIST.

FUCK YOU! GO GET SOME ASS INSURANCE...COZ I M GONNA KICK IT REAL HARD... AND THIS TIME ALL YOUR FREAKING DEJA VU ISN'T GONNA HELP! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF UR CRAP...NOW IS MY TIME TO RUN SOME SHOWS AROUND HERE.

FEAR ME!
I AM COMING!

well i s'pose y'all now know that...i m fucking pissed and angry..





there is always a soft side...
always a different perspective....



no matter what..
i wont leave you....

and what i say to you is true...and i'll abide them till i die...
ya


but the only thought going through my mind is the fact that whether i should just give up...
i ve given you enough reasons to be sad..

i made u go crazy..
i made o go insane..
and maybe i made u ..... maybe i just did..






hell..
i dont wanna talk about anything now..
i hope mom and dad understand...


have to study for the test...
freak..






cant wait to get my jersey on Monday!



:(

happiness come back...
night come back..i wanna fight the darkness again...


fuck off!

Hello darkness, my old friend,

Ive come to talk with you again,

Because a vision softly creeping,

Left its seeds while I was sleeping,

And the vision that was planted in my brain

Still remains

Within the sound of silence.






so let me get this straight
you say now you loved me all along
what made you hesitate
to tell me with words what you really feel
i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way
now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
insignificantly enough we both have significant others

only time will tell
time will turn and tell

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore
loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
but i must confess you're so much more then i remember
can't help but entertain these thoughts
thoughts of us together

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

my day late friend

so let me get this straight
all these years and you were nowhere to be found
and now you want me for your own
but you're a day late and my love, she's still renowned

we are who we were when
could've been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when
who knew what we know now
could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend
we are who
we are who we were when

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if only words could express what i m feeling right now...
i would've shouted them out in the darkest nights..
if only i hadn't done what i did,
i would be a bit more happier than what i m right now...


FUCK sandesh

i dont wanna lose you...

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Hold On

I've known you through the years
I've shared with you all my fears
Then one day
I had to go away
Leaving you behind
Hoping that I can find
A way
For you to talk to me another day
I hope you're fine
But, I want you to be alive
So we can another time
One more time

Hold on
Just a little bit Longer
Hold On
I know you're stronger
Hold On
You're life isn't through yet
Cause what you see isn't what you get
I'll help you in any way I can
I only hope that what I do
Will help you to get through
This
I'm not ready to miss you-oo

Come on pull away
Fight to live another day
I have so much left to do
So much to go through
But I know I can
Stand up and shake your hand
If you're gone
I will be sad for far too long

So come on
Stay awake
Come on
Don't be late
Don't follow the light
Stand up and fight
I know you will beat the odds someday
Let that day, be today

Hold on
Just a little bit Longer
Hold On
I know you're stronger
Hold On
You're life isn't through yet
Cause what you see isn't what you get
I'll help you in any way I can
I only hope that what I do
Will help you to get through
This
I'm not ready to miss you-oo


hmm... nice right??? well...thts just the thought i had in mind after reading it..
yes..


haha
well..
last week was fun..
nothing interesting happened...
but still it was fun..



MusicFest 09 audition was good..
we performed well...even though i couldnt hear a single thing what the others were playing...and therefore i have no idea how i played... but i think it should have been ok..
yea


haha
i need to study..aahh..
econs test this week..


omg..
floorball tournament at NUS was just pissing... i mean sersiously..we played like shit!!!
like literally SHIT! Yan was extremely pissed off... even though we managed to clinch the top prize amongst the other JC's but we dint play upto the mark... it dint seem like the

VJ brand of Floorball...

yea..
haha

i scored on a penalty..woohoo..

start..go go go go, decide...
fake fake fake fake

and

pah..
shoot


GOAL!!! yay..
i was very happy...but i really dint want that happiness to come to my face coz i was very annoyed by the way we were playing the game...




ya..

haha...
lets talk abt something else..


di's been acting weird again...and i have no idea why!! come on.. i guess.. we really need to talk about it...i mean seriously... i think i need to do some brain surgery without physical contact..
haha reminds me of the Bulshido video..
lol



ya..
that moment was just awesome...i mean they always are...and i guess, this will turn out to be something special i guess..
i m waiting for it..

i just am..

oh and ya...i know this has nothing to do with any of the stuff thts here...and that the persons' not even gonna read it..but still..

thnx rh! :)





haha..
haha
lol


ok i need to go back to facebook to chat...its been quite a while since i replied..


haha
so...

bbye

LOL!

:)


lets see wht the following week has in store for me..

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wow..
floorball camp was FUUUUNNN!!!


it was just awesome.. i cant believe...i lasted!! haha
4 intensive trainings in 2 days... with suicides after 2 of 'em.. can suck the hell out of anyone...

but i feel i play better now.. my passes have improved...i keep my stick on the ground... i m more confident of my shots, i corrected my drag shots and... I CAN TURN DRAG. i wish i make it to the free hit line..
yay..

coach carter was a good movie... quite inpirational...and now we know where Yan gets his ideas for trainings..
lol..

haha..

A div is about a month ahead...and the other schools are really stepping out of their limits to win it..
MJ girls are training in Perth... TJ thinks they can beat us...


well..
i really dont care what they think..
all i know that vj's so so so so gonna kick ass'es this season..


our jersey's have been sent for printing... woohoo 57 57 57 57 57 57 57 57 57 57
thnx for helping me choose the number..

got my jersey shorts today..
Adidas Tropy Shorts Black with sunshine strips..

its just awesome..
yay..cant wait for the jersey t-shirt and jacket...

i m very very very tired now.. and a bit angry with someone..
but nvr mind.. i'll be ok..
haha lol..




well i hv no idea wht is going on in angel's mind...srsly..
i mean, whts happening to her?? aarrrggghhh... why is she becoming someone i nevr expected her to be...
maybe its just coz of me...
or maybe there is some other reason..


i want to go roller blading.. long time... :(
ya... maybe i'll clear out stuff then...


anyways found these 2 extremely sick videos...





haha...
if u dont think there is anything sick about it, and if u were a censiorship board member & passed these videos with a clean chit.. then i 'd like to say..



CONGRATULATIONS ON STAYING SO CLEAN!.
yeah
haha



anyways..

Well you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out
I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
Listen to the music of the moment babay sing with me
We're just one big family
And It's our God-forsaken right to be loved love loved love loved

So I won't hesitate no more, not yours
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours

Scooch on over closer dear
And i will nibble your ear

I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find that the sky is yours
Please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
Cause our time is short
This oh this this is out fate, I'm yours!








Sandesh

"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid."

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happy holi idiots..




"i'll never ever trust you with any secrets and that is my word."


i m going blind day by day!



:(

want is not included in my list of needs...

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wow...
u had to say that right??

i mean, i know u sucked..
but dint know the situation was THAT bad..



i mean srsly...
thr are like a hundred and zillion things you dint tell me abt..., and by the way u define that screwed up loser word, i think you should consider labeling urself one than me..




some people just have to behave like retards... seriously...
wth..


and i really dont have any problems saying this to you anymore..
you just suck at making decisions... like seriously..
YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SELFISH DUMBASS...



anyways... let me just try to forget that..
waiting for di to reply... maybe she'd help..
i want to go ECP.. aaarrrrgggghhh....

di...whts happening to u? why r u changing so much so suddenly?
why is there this weird feeling in me...telling me that you are angry again...!! :( fuck!!
and the reason i care so much about this feeling is cause it has always ended up being true..


well somehow... this fact was just proved wrong...
yay! haha, but even then..

why are 'things' drifting apart..
why?

i dont want that to happen...




yeah...
well



to talk about other things..

OMG was that frame-captured-by-my-eye beautiful or what!!! it just seemed so beautiful...i wanted to take a picture...but dint get the permission(dint hv good enough instrument)... AWWW :( i know..i know..

seemed like a movie scene from the movie twilight...
yeah...with the moon and the tree...and the dark background...
but it was awesome and totally beautiful..

but it was just nice..
and no matter the picture got saved into my mind...like forever. and i'll never forget it..
NEVER!

its just like di, its just like koala, like chimp, its just like rhn, like rj, like xc
people i'll never ever ever ever ever evr forget!!!...

<3 u all..
aahhh... i need a hug!!! :')
anyone..???



aww..
haha..

but i am happy..


wow..
mom told me something.. i wont say it out here..
but i m happy for my parents...their dreams are finally gonna come true...
:)



haha...
i think thts all for today's post..
i'll try update more regularly..
gtg study..
haha

math..
|_()|_


yay..

bb


Cyberbeast..
MOOD: SAD :(

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You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side
You know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No, I won't give in

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late
This could all disappear
Before the door's closed
And it comes to an end
With you by my side
I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend, yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Hear me when I say
When I say I believe.
Nothing's gonna change
Nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be
Will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
La da da da, la da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through
Just stay strong
Cause you know I'm here for you
I'm here for you
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through

Ahh, ahh
Keep holding on
Ahh, ahh
Keep holding on
There's nothing you can say
Nothing you can do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
Cause you know we'll make it through
We'll make it through






hope u dont miss me.., coz
I DO!

its tht feeling in me, that settles back to remember all the times we've had, but then...
i feel so lonely..

come back! pls come back...,

i'll wait for you at the door steps..
i'll wait for you at the start of the road..
i'll wait for you at that base of the mountain,

which made me fall in love with you..






i miss all the times..
i miss all the memories..

jan 2, 2007 - Come back!


:(
lets unite...

sandesh

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it is so difficult to go away...
a night worth of risks and a day worth of challenges
if i had eyes maybe that is all i could've seen

maybe you should come back,
and the winds shall blow again,
blow right into my face,
and make me go free..

i hate being the prisoner
of this freaking misery,
it is really hard to keep everything inside,
when you know it'll never precede.






aaahh fuck it! i have so much to say, but there is no one to listen..
the pressure is killing me...
i need to tell someone..

but, maybe when the day is bright..



wooohoo.... this is my 200th post. (bt its so not how i felt when it was my first one..)
so many things have changed and gone by..but all these moments just dont seem to flea..

aaahhh..


"I am sorry. It would have been better if we wouldn't have met. None of this would have happened."
"Look at me, I'd rather die tomorrow, than to live a hundred years without knowing you."
and all those that i have lived until now without you, was a journey i took, just to know you.
you mean that much to me.

If I Never Knew You
Pocahontas Soundtrack

If I never knew you
If I never felt this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be
And if I never held you
I would never have a clue
How at last I'd find in you
The missing part of me
In this world so full of fear
Full of rage and lies
I can see the truth so clear
In your eyes
So dry your eyes
And I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

If I never knew you
I'd be safe but half as real
Never knowing I could feel
A love so strong and true
I'm so grateful to you
I'd have lived my whole life through
Lost forever
If I never knew you

I thought our love would be so beautiful

Somehow we made the whole world bright

I never knew that fear and hate could be so strong
All they'd leave us where these whispers in the night
But still my heart is singing
We were right

If I never knew you
If I never knew this love
I would have no inkling of
How precious life can be

There's no moment I regret
Since the moment that we met
If our time has gone too fast
I've lived at last...

I thought our love would be so beautiful
Somehow we'd make the whole world bright

I thought our love would be so beautiful
We'd turn the darkness into light

And still my heart is singing
We were right

We were right
And If I never knew you
I'd have lived my whole life through

Empty as the sky

Never knowing why
Lost forever
If I never knew you

"I cant leave you."
"You never will. No matter what happens to me, I'll always be with you... Forever."

Sandesh
:(

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"i wish i could have given more than you could have ever imagined..
wish i could have given you that voice to your heart, so as to get inside it and defeat all the evilness in it."

i have no idea what it is.. i really dont. i wont even force you to tell me, either.
i faintly know what is making you think so much about it. But i have no idea why YOU are giving so much to it, when you know you dont...

then why bother about it anyways??

i cant understand it..


and sadly enough, i feel like a failure AGAIN.
i have no idea how to make things better..
i have no idea how to tell people about it..
coz its just something people are not gonna appreciate..


BUT
there is no way i am gonna let it go..

i mean come on..
i m not the one who'll give up..






"ITS NEVER about me... if it was, then i'd be snoring on my bed. Its about you, and thats why i'll sacrifice everything, me included."




If you wanna cry, tell me we'll cry together
if you wanna scream, tell me we scream together
if you wanna laugh, tell me i'll make you laugh even more
if you wanna let go of your smile, tell me & i'll die to protect it.

thts how much you mean to me..
but somehow you just dont realise that..
or perhaphs that is what i feel.


i feel sad and helpless (same qualities as of a perfect FAILURE).... i felt like screaming..
and i meant it..
but,

never mind...



the day you'll realise why i m doing all this, maybe then would you cry your heart out, OUT OUT OUT.
evn though i dont want you to cry but i definitely want that day to come..
this is so freaking painful..



anyways,
yesterday was quite fun. Cross Country was fun... i came in 161th (personal best) of the 800+ guys. yeah!!
my house came in second overall.. floorball was second runners up for Inter CCA run.



RP match was also quite tensed. its way different when u play against a bunch of National players... but none the less, i hope i learnt something out of it..got banged by 2 guys together...that was seriously the worst of it..

i assisted one goal, for which i am really happy abt, i guess, i could have played better.


went ecp after coming back...went to the viewing point, ended up being called to th ehostel to meet some guy. i'll go there again... its freaking relaxing.

came back to the hostel, found about the weird incident that happened....went up and slept.






i feel like an idiot (i have no idea, why i need to feel like one...)

today is hindi CA1 and i have no idea what is gonna happen..








i'll keep a cool mind..and go through everything, but i'll need you by my side di.
yeah..

:(






We Are One Tonight
Switchfoot

Check!

Tonight!

Tonight!

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail you all

We built these cities to stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it, coming down
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside-down
I don't have a soul to trust in, now
With the whole world upside-down

We are one, tonight!
And we're singing it out!
We are one, tonight!
And we're dreaming out loud!

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one, tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!
Tonight!

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside-down
I don't want to fight about it now
And the world was burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down
Slow down
Please slow down
Down
Down

The stars are comin' out!

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight
We are one tonight
And were singing it out
We are one tonight
And were dreaming out loud
And the world is flawed,
But these scars will heal!



Tallulah
Sonata Arctica

Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away?
And how you said: "This is never over"
I believed your every word and I guess you did too
But now you're saying : "Hey, let's think this over"

You take my hand and pull me next to you, so close to you
I have a feeling you don't have the words
I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away
Don't look back 'cause I am crying...

I remember little things you hardly ever do
Tell me why
I don't know why it's over
I remember shooting stars, the walk we took that night
I hope your wish came true, mine betrayed me

You let my hand go, and you fake a smile for me
I have a feeling you don't know what to do
I look deep in your eyes and hesitate a while...
Why are you crying?

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it's over, oo-ooh...
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh, Tallulah,
This could be... heaven

I see you walking hand in hand with long-haired drummer of the band
In love with her or so it seems, he's dancing with my beauty queen
Don´t even dare to say you hi, still swallowing the goodbye
But I know the feelings still alive, still alive

I lost my patience once, so do you punish me now
I'll always love you, no matter what you do
I'll win you back for me if you give me a chance
But there is one thing you must understand

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over
Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,
This could be...

:(

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"tht was magical."

like seriously, i had the same feeling myself.
wow... it felt really good.
i mean, when you really want something, and you get it the way you wanted it..
just feels so nice..

and it happened to me during 4.8k also. haha..



i really have no idea why you are being so paranoid.. i m so not what you are labelling me of...
come on!! you have been through these situations urself....but still you dont wanna try and understand whts going on around. since when did u become so biased to the side, YOU ALWAYS HATED? i dont get it...but all i know is, i am not hiding anything from you. i m still the same old person... but if that is how you DONT wanna see me, i cant do anything much about it. I'll always give you the way, its always upto you to go where YOU want to go.

deceive... i guess the characters need to be revolved..
whts wrong with u...srsly??? you are s'posed to be the one being here on my side..
come on di..

Called somebody after a very very very long time..
haha. fun conversation.. yeah!

i really dont know how to describe this... haha, but i guess, its quite upto what i wanted it to be like.

things change, meanings still remain the same.
if U had been considerate enough, you would understand..
but now that ur mind is all goofed, i have no idea whether U'd be able to clear up the mess you have made for yourself.

haha


I cant wait for Friday's friendly against RP. I wanna see their campus...
i cant wait for A Division also.



On The Wings of a Butterfly

Your friendship is special
Like the flowers that bloom,
Or when a butterfly emerges
From within its cocoon...

You remind me of that butterfly,
Loving and free,
Bright and colorful,
For the world to see...

We will share sunshine and rainbows;
Sometimes, the rain and the snow;
We'll stand together through it,
While the cold winds blow...

When the time is right,
We won't stop to ask "Why?"
Our friendship will take flight
On the wings of a butterfly ...


haiz... i miss people



"I am the one being deceived. What are your other options player, sly dog ain't the only one?"



i feel low..somebody cheer me up please..
i need my di. but she's lost in her own thoughts..


:(


Hastalavista
CyberBeast

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today i witnessed something...
something that can make the hardest hearts melt,
the strongest legs shiver (and it did happen with me, but not implying that my legs are strong)

i was shivering....or atleast my legs were!! I dont know why, but i guess, i found myself in the middle of nowhere...

It was just as magical, and i seriously mean it. i know it sounds really weird from a person like me, but i couldnt help noticing these 2 people like almost the whole time they were together... everything else seemed blur to me.

I could see those tears, those drops that felt like blood dripping from a wound. I know how it feels.... I have felt it a lot of times myself also. But today just reminded me of it again..it just refreshed everything in my mind.


I really had no way to comfort, no way to help out. Nothing at all. If i had one damned wish to ask for, i'd ask for somebody to never leave someone.. even though i dont know this somebody.., i know someone a bit, but i wont bother. i'll just ask for this somebody to stay on forever. Cause trust me, I CAN NOT SEE YOU SAD (NO MATER WHAT THE F'kin REASON MAY BE) and i guess, now the same applies to somebody as well. I freaking ended up bugging someone to eat. i mean COME ON!
I really wish i could do something for them, and i guess, the "mysterious thing" that i plan to do might be one of the things i can do for them. I need to talk to somebody about it. I need somebody's voice for the actual effect. coz without it.. there's just no meaning to it..


i definitely understand, what all you had to go through (regardless of whether you tell me abt it or not) but someone has to be strong. As i said, you are never alone. Even somebody is also there with you. You just have to know it in your mind. thats all...
and i know you will..



somebody and someone rock!! srsly! and i am really not ashamed of actually confessing that, even though i'd probably never say that directly.


anyways, i m feeling sleepy now...
so i'll end off here.


msg to somebody:
thnx somebody. dont worry someone will be taken care of. someone is in good hands.



lol..
i am going all random again...never mind..




i'll update again, if possible.
but for now...
SAYONARA!



adios
Sandesh





Song of the Day:

Graduation (Friends Forever)
Vitamin C

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn't know much of love
But it came too soon
And there was me and you
And then we got real blue
Stay at home talking on the telephone
We would get so excited and we'd get so scared
Laughing at ourselves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

So if we get the big jobs
And we make the big money
When we look back now
Will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

La, la, la, la:
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la:
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there?
Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever

As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever



specially dedicated to someone and somebody!!
:)

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i m just speechless...
at one moment i was thinking that i might be able to help you cheer up,
but the next i failed to do so..


i m such a FAILURE. i guess, i just cant help it.
i do give a damn, people.

ya..


"I saw the bomb in your mind, the fire in your eyes and the timer in your smile but i still dont fear anything, coz i also saw the detonator in your heart"


i wanna get along...with the surprises and the truth...
and the "I dont know" 's hahaha

but its unique, aarrrggghh...


anyways this is what i was referring to..
No matter what happens my shadow will always be with you. And if you really believe in me and trust me, you'll realise there is no fucking way anything would ruin our friendship... you'll always be surrounded by this very thin blanket of people who'll always be there to support you and cheer you! even though you may not be able to see anything, there is "something" that is always there. even if you are wrong, the blanket will be around you, or atleast THIS thread of it would definitely be. You are never alone. You never were.


I"LL ADD MORE. CHECK OUT AGAIN LATER...

:)

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everything is so blur. like those times when you know something is there...but still you cant find it..


i m very very nervous... and i dont think the reason is hidden. maybe not for everyone..
yeah..



and just a while ago, after reading something... i m about to crash down..
it was just like those ending scores which hint you that the movie is about to be over..

it was exactly like that..
i have no idea how i m s'posed to react to this.

every decision is like those old weighing scales, when it starts tilting more towards one side.. the other side almost gives up trying to pull its own side down.

and this question just keeps popping in my head.. WHY?

WHY AGAIN? Where did i lag behind? its just so now what i had expected..


cheer up man... i mean you do deserve it. but just if in any case you feel dissatisfied pls do back out. i'll be very happy.

uuuurrrgggghhhH!!!
i m just confused...



f ew all!
like srsly!

:(

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watched Slumdog Millionaire today...
its an awesome movie...

no wonder it has been nominated for about 10 awards at the Oscars'.

yea...

anyways... had a tiring day today...
badminton...b'fast....slack....lunch...practice....dinner.....practice....relax...slack...NOW
haha


interesting right??
haha


not really..
so now tomorrow is the first day of school.. and i m extremely nervous..how its gonna turn out to be..
i dont wanna leave v11... it really feels like parting with ur brothers and sisters...
i just hope we could have stayed as a single IP class, like the way they do in TJ. (as wht i have heard from ppl)

yeah..



aah..
nvr mind i'll sleep now.
too tired..

bb
nights..



"Cooling it solidifies it, time takes care of the rest and the would will heal in a snap"

Cyberbeast

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i dont know why its so difficult to let you know the simplest of things in my heart...like srsly! i know direct communication isnt always possible but still..


some "ppl" just kicked me right now..
straight on my face..

i just want to pretend you never sent me tht sms... its so difficult..it just is..

the game is getting more and more difficult to play.. the players are having wrong impressions of me..and i hate when that happens...

i guess if i could scream my lungs and my vocal cords out..
i'd just love to say..

"I CARE COZ I WANT TO. MAYBE U DONT KNOW WHY! COZ IT WAS JUST TO EASY FOR YOU ALL THE WAY ALONG. MORE THAN THAT YOU'D NEVER EXPECT SOMETHING LIKE THIS. THE VERY FIRST TIME ALWAYS SUCKS... AND ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. I'LL REALLY BE OUT OF MY MIND IF I STOP. I WISH YOU COULD DIVE INTO MY MIND, AND UNDERSTAND WHAT IS IN THE BLOODY PLACE.."

and i really have no idea why i m crying right now..
well to really state there are many reasons..

i miss a LOT LOT of people..
but i guess, none of them care..

maybe some do..







"The day you realise why it was important, the river would have dried up!"




FUCK!
i dont have anything else to say..


have a nice week ahead selfish people...


I Want You
Savage Garden

Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chicka cherry cola

I don't need to try to explain;
I just hold on tight
And If it happens again, I might move so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want to

Come Stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

I'm the kind of person who endorses a deep commitment
Getting comfy getting perfect is what I live for
But a look, and then a smell of perfume
It's like I'm down on the floor
And I Don't know what I'm in for

Conversation has a time and place
In the interaction of a lover and a mate,
But the time of talking, using symbols, using words
Can be likened to a deep sea diver who is swimming with a raincoat

Come stand a little bit closer
Breathe in and get a bit higher
You'll never know what hit you
When I get to you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

Oooooh yeah, oooh yeah

Anytime I need to see your face
I just close my eyes
And I am taken to a place where your crystal mind and
Magenta feelings take up shelter in the base of my spine
Sweet like a chicka cherry cola

I don't need to try to explain;
I just hold on tight
And If it happens again, I might move so slightly
To the arms and the lips and the face of the human cannonball
That I need to, I want you

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

So can we find out?

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh I'd die to find out

Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you
But, ooh, I'd die to find out (I'd die to find out)
Ooh, I want you
I don't know if I need you (ooh can we find out)
But, ooh I'd die to find out

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i cant stop thinking about you..
i just dont know why..

maybe its your presence or just my sigh!


haha,
tht rhymed..
haha


ya,
anyways things feel better now..
some small little surprises here and there..
but i think there is always some tid bits of joy to cover up for it.




but the major setback for me, is when i realised that maybe i m not the only one in the game.. and based on the small little information that i could gather, i believe somebody has already played the game... and has played it hard...
competition is always there, no matter wht u do! but i dint expect it to be so disturbing this time. I dont want to give up this time. i want to try and i am too! but i just dont think, the game is actually as responsive as it is to the other players..
its just so hard, when u actually go and try and try and get ur ass kicked for no reason..

i think i m just being a bit over expressive here, but i know its only because i dont want to lose this time. i have trained hard enough and maybe i should deserve the response i expect.

i want the game to be mine... i want to win it this time!! i never thought i'd actually even give a damn about this game, but NOW, the more i play it, the more addictive it gets.. ah i just love it. dont i? or maybe i just love it too much, to get kicked in the ARSE!


i know the game players dont like me...so dont even know me! but even then i'll try coz, i have that burning desire in me to WIN. to perhaphs get wht i want...but i dont see any chances.


ya..
talking about winning..
the IP Girls lost their first match against some "never heard b4" school... 7-2.
hmm... i won my bet against mr. chow though. i bet they'd lose 5-2. haha

anyways, for those of u who dont know this... i m not taking them for the B-Div. (in simple terms, i m not coaching them for this)


anyways, today is the announcement of the A-Div boys team. I am hoping i can get in, but my chances are little... i regret going back to India for the holidays coz of it.





i think i m really tired now..
i need some sleep b4 trg.




bbye

"be mine and you'll never regret having to have gone through so much pain until now"
(MY ORIGINAL QUOTE) lol..

but quite valid. i think i wont tell anyone abt it...
not even..


i'll add more later..
so till then

sayonara..




i ask others to be strong when i cant be strong myself. I really want to tell u something...but its more hard than ever..

i'll see,
i'll fall,
i'll get up


and still run...



FOR YOU!


Evil In A Closet
In Flames

We were one in words
You finished my sentence
I can never attract tomorrow
It pushes me aside

I sink in waters deep
Your presence kept me floating
Far from depths where secrets lie
Maybe in another lifetime
I could be the first you meet

I once read a poem
Held my breath
But that moment's gone
First time I felt life somewhat hurts
I need an option, a reason and some hope

Yell at me, I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall
I wish that I could say... I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

Yell at me, I want to be your light that shines
But my ground is shaking and I might fall
I wish that I could say... I wish that I could be your evil in a closet

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"How do u expect me, a blind man, to see when you yourself cant see, even though you are not blind?"

well tht does go on to tell whts been happening around me lately. ya!!

i dont know why people are like feeding themselves with crap and spitting out at me, just because they think its not tasty enough. i mean come on, you are the people who made it up (such things dont even exist) on ur own, and then why blame me for it.

anyways a quick recap of the week..



pool, cards, xbox, halo(ing), winning eleven, pet society.. yeah
haha
lolz.


went cycling with amb, sgr, ysha, smya and vshn..
i cant believe i actually remembered the path... it was so fun!! the wind, the darkness, the forest, the aeroplanes, the runway, the sea and of course the sand and the cardboards used to sleep on.. haha..

but i guess, some really NON ENTHUSIASTIC EXTREMELY SELFISH creature took some of the results for personal gains and advantages, which i find really hard to believe. Even more harder is to actually believe that another person, probably the most closest to me, actually settled up on own conclusions and without showing any sympathy for my state decided to get angry at me.... i mean come on...

pleeeeease, i m not lying and its definitely not possible for me to actually stand up against you..


maybe u r stuck inside ur own mind, which does not allow you to get out of it and look through somebody else's too. the web inside ur mind, which was ( and i always think, is) the most delicate one i have ever seen, is what made u special. i still do think u r very biased in this whole issue, but even then, i m ready to apologise (and according to what i remember...i alr did!) guess, its not cause of u, maybe its ur surroundings itself. i know and undrstnd the fact that ppl change, but nvr knew they do so much, when only a little negativeness fills (anothr person) the atmosphere.
ya..


and some basic points to remember for the week..

- NEVER TRY DIRECTLY SHOOTING INTO THE GOAL, IT ALWAYS FAILS (XBOX, WINNING 11)
- NEVER CLICK PHOTOS OF CERTAIN PPL (ANOTHER PERSON ADDED TO THE LISTS)
- NEVER EVER FORGET TO SLEEP AT NIGHT, COZ MAYBE CERTAIN PPL WOULDN'T MIND SAYING "SO WHAT IF U DINT SLEEP?" AND FORGET HOW DIFFICULT IT IS EVEN TO STAND, IF FOR SOME REASON YOU HAVE TO STAY UP.





- NEVER DO THINGS FOR OTHERS, COZ EVEN IF YOU DO (LIKE I HAVE) YOU MAY NOT BE EVEN APPRECIATED FOR IT. YOU MAY NOT EVEN BE KNOWN TO HAVE DONE IT.
HOW EASY IT IS FOR PPL TO FORGET EVERYTHING RIGHT??!?!??!


So i guess, this week would be all the more, filled up with controversies, and wrong mindsets of ppl (as if i actually give a damn) and also more sms's from someone (not me) trying to convey the very msg "FUCK OFF"...


i hope time passes by soon... sooner than thought..
cant believe i actually said that..




:(

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Well this would definitely be on a serious note..
or atleast i would try.



i wish i could tell someone how much u mean to me...
be it di, rj, nj, rhn, ankt, xc...

but literally i havent been able to...

there is this burning desire in me, to let out those wild feelings, and perhaps selfless emotions that i want to let out..

let them freeeee....

but, i..errr, its damn difficult.


i had a dream some days ago..

and that was what made me write this post...
i mean srsly,
it was one dream, i'd always cherish..

so i'll now talk abt the dream..
(IF U DONT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING, MOST LIKELY IT WASnt RELATED TO YOU)

i'll divide it into parts...
so here goes..


1. i was at a mall with mom, and somehow she went back home, and left me to browse thru.., haha,

and i saw somebody there...
somebody, who i was really dying to meet..

and i actually get to see the person in my DREAM!!... like wth! but never mind, not in reality, but atleast i got to meet "someone" in my dreams atleast..

but i think, it was one moment, i could have died to have dreamt off..


i just hope it can evn turn out to be reality.



//edit - this wasnt s'posed to be the original post...

at the end of all the shit that happened...i think i wouldnt want to talk abt any dreams..




everything crashed..
in the dark..
to show someone..
only to show someone,
it was left away...far far away..


i think, this is not the time to get sentimental...bt i think..

no one understands how much it means for me to be "sandesh" rated happy..

i guess, everyone is just contempt in seeing the "sacrificing sandesh" rated happiness..
well, if that is what makes them happy, then i dont have anything to say at all..


and with a god damn note,
i'd thus like to start my new year with this quote

"Fuck off _ _ _ _ _ _ _" and i guess, i should also carry a placard around displaying the quote..to fuckin' remind this retarded brain of mine to "SWITCH TO OTHER PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS SEEING QUOTIENT".....

nobody's to blame..
nobody's to answer...

i could have prevented everything all together..
i dont even know, whether these tears dropping off my cheeks are actually of fuckin happiness or the expected sadness...

all i know is that, this time....again, its the later ruling over the former..
FUCK!


i dont knw why these fuckin' lines from RNBDJ are running in my mind..

tujh mein rab dikhta hain, yaara mein kya karu!






fukSigning off..


anyways,
i m back in Singapore for those of u who dint know!

:(

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