haiz..



things are just going so wild..





and expectations are rising..





training was interupted by TYH..., YA SURE I"LL ENLigHTEN HIM with what he wants..
I'll do my best..




well, i am so so so so lost...
and i dont know what to do...i mean, more than anything else..

i cant keep thinking about some (things, people, things and people again)

but who'd give a dam about it..




nvr mind..

lets stick back..and kick some ass.


She Will Be Loved
Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

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...i think i m gonna have a heart attack soon...
i want the authority to give me a good piece of news soon...and when i say soon, i really really mean it.


come on life..
cheer up




but,
i m still sad...





why isnt it going away? please go away.
let me do what i want to do...

i have a purpose...and i want to achieve it..



expecting and desperately waiting for some real good news...
and i am hoping i get to hear it before the holidays.



:(
Sandesh

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wth...


i m broken..
morale breakdown






FUCK








pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
help me...be with me..


Boston
Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.







come on....
i wanna scream


sndsh
:(

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i m so so so not in a mood to even look up to your eyes and say.. "Hey, I am SAD"..


but i guess, its all just because of one single reason, which more than anything is but too delicate for me to deviate from...

in thinking terms at least...




i dont want to miss it...but apparently i am...and trust me... i will cchange...


more than anyone would have ever noticed but i need the chance...



i seriously beg that a moment of joy comes before the holidays at least....






i dont wanna be a burden, i want to be a source...


a source of what i know i want them to be for them...
but more than anything i m not even getting anywhere near it...






suddenly life feels halted...and the time frame stops at a reference position where there is nobody in the background and you seem to be walking on and on, without a purpose listening to MCR...and trying not to think about it...but in the end you only think about...whether things will return back to normal or not....
i want the former to happen...
the very imagination of the latter happening makes a chill run down my spine and trust me...i dont want that...



am getting weaker and weakr by the day...thinking whether i'll be able to survive the horrid that have so fucki'nicely crafted for myself...
and in this moment of joy (for the others atleast...)
i m here sitting in the corner...



weeping in the darkness trying to let go off myself..from this misery...
but like a boomerang it just always keeps coming back and hits me...

hits me hard..
full force..








action action action is what i need...
but one is only i want ...





one piece of good news would be enough for me...
it will be an emotional and morale booster for me...which more than anything i am at the moment hoping for...



nothing in my brin seems to be working at the moment...jealous...why others are so happy...
but at the same time, angry at myself....for committing those mistakes too...


but i tried....its not that i hgave up or wht...i did my best...







and i dont understand why the fuck doesnt it get translated completely...
not saying that everyone is perfect or wht...but atleast they are way better than me...good to see emo people not emoing...and non emo ppl emoing....(refers to 1 and u know who..)


wow...








can things pleae go back to normal...srsly..

i m tired of this game..





i want to do some real stuff now...
some real game is wht i want to play...and more than that...i want to beat my oponents or atleast thoe who dare stand up against me...





but only one thing will decide that now...and until then the wait will continue...

and maybe the misery and emo'ness too...




hope everything gets back to normal...i just seriously hope so...


:'(
sndsh

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just experienced the thing i was least expecting....



FUCK..
i dont know wht to do...


i mean,

i have changed...
someone was right...

i have changed....changed like shit





please help me...please help...please..
i m desperate and hlpless...



she said, chances are high...but still

i m not assured...


h8 myself..
:(

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Haha, today's post is gonna be one hell of a long post...haha
so err... dont fall asleep reading it...





haha







am discovering a new person these days...
she's quite a "surprising" person...haha


i mean, cant believe such a person was around me all the while, and i just dint know...
wow


right?

haha
but, better late than never..

its always good to know people...increases contacts...and chances to survive in this freaked up world...




so ya..





"some people just dont want to help anymore"
well, i know it was directed to me...but i never fell back in helping...neither did i fall back in my expectations of a supposedly "artificial" relation which i just love to cherish, but somehow neither you nor anyone else has been able to appreciate it...
maybe u do realise...and isnt that wht is keeping me to be with a person, who is really special to me..

i dont know what you meant when u said the above line...but whtevr it meant, i dint feel alright..

so ya..




i have changed...changed like hell..

and i want this change to intervene my life, and get something better off it..




LOl

haha
yeah,


anyways..



things have become pretty normal these days... i guess..

i m longing for another floorball training even though i had it like last friday only...
woohoo the 4.8km run has been one morale booster for me....seriously..


haha,
and then i hear people running in the night some 2 point dunno how many km.




but its dam satisfying..





i have to make some decisions for floorball now..
and the fact that i came to know about yesterday, wasnt as pleasing either..
but why??


completely changed my image of the person..



but anyways, i'll see how it goes...











PROM NIGHT practice is at its worst...and i dunno whether we would be able to finish learning all the songs...
i want to do this for somebody..he has a vision for an entity he calls his band... and i want to do this to take him nearer to making his entity a reality....but i guess, not everyone shares the same thoughts as me..




yeah...
so well...

i m waiting and waiting...
for nothing..



its like travelling in the vastness of the universe..but u have no fucking clue about where you are heading..












nature is fucking beautiful, and we dumbheads dont give a damn about it..

well more than anything, the documentary at Science Center's Omni-theatre made me reflect on..
lol


it wasnt as exciting...but i could understand what it was trying to tell me.












watched Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum...some moments ago..haha
nice movie..


listening to this song i have mentioned before..

The City of Fallen Angels by the band Cetra.



anyways..
I am in love with Famous Last Words, by My Chemical Romance..


so..
this is for Jon, the person who comes to mind when i hear the word MCR.

Famous Last Words
My Chemical Romance

Now I know,
That I can't make you stay.
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your,

And I know.
There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright,
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side,
Of a jet black hotel mirror,
And I'm so weak.
Is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete.
A love that's so demanding,
I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,


Nothing you can say can stop me going home.


These bright lights have always blinded me.
These bright lights have always blinded me.

I say.

I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.

Asleep, or dead...

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.





haha...
dint really think somebody would actually have enough guts to go and say whatevr the somebody said to whoever...

dam funny....
haiz...


its normal..ppl do that
no need to be scared...




ya






well.... i m finding somebody these days.
hope i'll be able to...














:)







Welcome To The Black Parade
My Chemical Romance

When I was
A young boy,
My father
Took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when
You grow up,
Would you be
The saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"
He said
"Will you
Defeat them,
Your demons,
And all the non believers,
The plans that they have made?
Because one day
I'll leave you,
A phantom
To lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."

When I was,
A young boy
My father, took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son when you grow up,
will you be the saviour of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling,
she's watching over me
And other times I feel like I should go
Went through it all, the rise and fall
The bodies in the streets
And when you're gone we want you all to know
We'll carry on, We'll carry on
And though you're all dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout out loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call

To carry on

We'll carry on,
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
On and on we carry through the fears
Oh oh oh

disappointed faces of your peers
Oh oh oh
Take a look at me 'cause I could not care at all
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Come and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part

I won’t explain, or say I’m sorry
I’m unashamed, I’m gonna show my scar
Give a cheer, for all the broken
Listen here, because it’s who we are
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
Just a boy, whose meant to sing this song
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
I Don't Care!

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Come and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part
Do or die
You'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try; you'll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part
We'll carry on

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maybe i just naturally rock at sucking at everything..



wht can i say...




its how you feel when all your hard work...turns nothing more than piece of shit, and you seriously have no idea why it happened so..




everything seems going down...and i really dont know what to do..
whether i should be happy or sad??? the former will definitely be questioned next week, but i guess, it just the ways you see it..


either ways...
it means the same thing,
and nothing's gonna change now.



fuck..
i mean, i just dont know wht to think abt..??


what i was 2-3 years down the road, is completely different from what i am now..












hell...


is what life's becoming,








i completely take the blame over me...and i think, i'd beg for a chance,
but this will be my last chance....coz, I WILL CHANGE THINGS NEXT YEAR, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

I realised this during one of my floorball trainings..
yesterday's training was dam shocking..cant believe i ran 4.8 km non-stop..
guess, the training's worth it...



come on come on come on...
hopes resting on 2....resting on 2..





please understnd the situation,






oh wells,
i dont know how they are feeling right now..
but more than anything, i really do feel bad for them....




coz as i said just now, i rock at suking..












sndsh
usuck

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trying to relax....
breathing deeply..



hope remain..
hopefully i'll get over it...


fk

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woah woah woah...

almost there,
i have to visualise the drift starting from this night onwards.

whether i'll drift and get back onto the track or whether i'll fall off the edge
i dont know,


i m nervous, afraid...
the feeling creeping in like a crawling snake, absolutely senseless, but still THERE.
haha

yeah,

i really dont know how to get it,
and now that the time has come, i dont know whether the door will open,
i am ready to break open it forcefully, but then there are so many people guarding the door...


it just seems highly unlikely..


and somemore, that its now just me,
being sucked up like this..


it worries me even more...





i mean, they wont even hesitate. seriously..!!
but i seriously hope things go well, and that this wouldn't be the end..

let it be the beginning, start of the beginning...







nothing's been paid off, but in mere terms,
its just difficult,
chances are slim, slimmer than ever...


and i dont want to be engrossed in this...


i can face the people...but would i be able to face them..







hard to say..
very very very hard to say,

i have seen the expressions on the faces,
and everyone knows..




hopeless,
but there is still some fire left, and it is enough to burn down an entire forest..





haiz,
the world is sinking in the economic crisis, and people are regretting taking risks or for some, even measures to secure their lives...but in my shoes, something entirely different is happening..




i think i'll lose myself tonite..
yet again..





hoping for a better sunshine..tomorrow.




sndsh
:(

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wow, so long i havent blogged...lol


anyways key events...


haha,
V11 won inV!gorate yet again, as usual.
i mean, its just a habbit we always win, we just do.


floorball was the best, hope i succeeded in shutting some f'ked up mouths. haha, but thats not just it, somebody really pissed me off before the floorball games, and that was the worst thing to do to me, b4 a fb game. since it concerned my friend, i had no choice..haha

lol
anyways, jheng came was the refree for our matches, which was really helpful..haha,

yeah, soccer was also fun.. haha,


anyways at the end of the day, we were crowned the reigning champions...






i m sure at least for the next 2 years, v11's gonna kick ass at invigorate.



hindi o level exam was slack, was pretty easy, no idea why the local's found it so hard. Off the 3.5 hours allowed for the papers, i was slacking for almost like an hour+. lol

personal voice workshop was fun, indeed..haha yeah..
which ended off yesterday.


hell lot of people started poning from the second day itself and mr. boy was taking attendance, haha


whoops..
gotta go...

more updates coming later..
:D

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