a couple were in love for over a decade or so..they were so deeply into each other that the next thing they could think of was marriage..
then came the controversy..the girl was blind..and wanted to see the guy with her own eyes after some operation before she could accept him!!

the boy financed the operation for which he sold off his dearest possessions..
the girl could then see the world..but when she opened her eyes..she found the guy blind as well
she said" haha i cant marry you, coz u are blind as well..i cannot like you"

the guy deeply heart broken ...
turned away
but as he was going
he said to her!!
although i am disappointed at what u have offered me..i am still glad to see you happy instead as you can now see the world with my eyes!!
and he went off!!


people love is not done with the outward beauty of the person, rather with what the person's heart has to genuinely offer!
well i know a very very sudden change,,,,,i know

wth


SaNdEsH
SaNdEsH
Adios

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sandesh
loves u

BLOG POST
well i dont know,,,....
u tell me things that i would never want to hear from you...i take it...and i will take it...cause i will and i dont care how...i will always....love you.....no matter what...
well why did u tell me....why ...??? i was happy thinking....you were out of it and that you could have given more time...chatting and talking to me...than you know who,,,,

even then i love you...i only care abt ur happiness..but all i can say is i m heartbroken..

well to add a bit...
i know you wont ever accept...erm but well let me direct...
you know that i like you...but u urself dont know that... you believe in the indirect theory of material substantiation...or maybe should i say i made you believe that...

still then
i will always.. LOVE you

saNdEsH
Adios

Every post got clues...but only in the middle of the post....but its hard to find out or decipher it...

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ummm good morning guys...
just got up after a very very very long coma....(sleep in simple terms...i like making things complicated)i dont know what to do now...lol
i dont understand why dont people just ask others if they dont know how to do some stuff...maybe they think they know too much..why should i be affected with that...lol nvr mind...
dont know...why i just felt asleep at around 9 last nite! so am all refreshed after the "painful" shocks by IH and Physics...siao man
i mean couldnt even finish physics properly and IH was like...hell
well...after school (maybe better rephrase it after exams...) had fun with the guys....discussing our mistakes in physics...walked back with kundan sms'in someone and came back...
siao

oh...download complete...cool...(more and more sound loops)
well i never got time to think about u....i dint even know how time passed while doing the freakin exams....but i dont know..i got this feeling that exams are in some ways good..(coz some reasons i cant share now....)
dont think i would want to blog anymore...(only for today)
lol

btw
u rock
and i "simply" :) love you

keep on rockin

u




and
y'all

till then
SaNdEsH sAyS aDiOs
;)

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9 hours and 30 minutes to my first EOY...and i am getting a weird feeling.. dont know...
something weird....as if if...something is going to happen...well never mind...the EOYs are on top of my head....and its the only way to prove....so have to put on my best...
i m waiting for the next week to somehow pass on...so that i can continue with all the things that i had to leave in the middle just cause of the exams....
well i dont know...but some weird coindence happenin...
both of them sad .... something sad or painful happenin in their lives...and its all about the "exit"...looks like the downfall.."the downfall"
but all i can suggest or maybe do is to support you...cause i know its permanent now...its like Shift + Delete something.....but even then got that slight chance of reviving the thing back...(for unaware readers...Shift+Delete is not permanent at all...data can be restored back...or should i say...I CAN RESTORE BACK SHIFT+DEL deleted DATA) lol...
well have been talking* to you...and somehow i feel very nice to talk to you...i wish i nvr stop talking*...but unfortunately...i am the slave and life is the master....i wish my life was my slave...
i want to end here...cause need some rest before the exams

one last things (nice rite....one last thingS) LOL
EU's for life this week

He who makes her cry... i wont let you cry, i will torture you...
hehe is gay... (lol is in)
Lameness is helpful as it helps to provoke thoughts
Life is like a web of lies and truths....the more you want to come out of it...the more and more you get entangled in it...
The best thing to do with a reflective song is to break it apart and put it as a personal message on MSN (cause it does have some meaning, and can sometimes reflect life to a very deep extent)
Where the hell did humans come onto this earth"?"
This still remains the first question that came in the mind of the humans after the invention of the question marks....cant change history....
oh yeah one more

Dont care about the future....the present is wht is to be cared about...the past was a lie...

and
finally
the BIGGEST IDEA

I LOVE U

some deciphering can be done...but nothing so much interesting in this post...
love u

Adios
good nite
$@NdEsH


got a clue....? Share with me on msn...
sandesh_gade@hotmail.com

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just came back from school and i was thinking about some complicated things..

the past three days were quite ok...i mean not so interesting...
yesterday had the Hindi exam which was quite good...and maybe maybe

i slept at 5.30 in the morning today...and got up around 11.30....what was i doing till 530...dont ask...i was slackin....so nothing interesting...downloaded one of my favourite classic racing games....then after getting up...took my lunch...went to school, tried to study...and then came back.
Found ppl sittin. so had dinner with them...then then they were talking about some girlish stuff...and it was easy to spot some lies being delivered from here and there...but maybe that is how life is supposed to be....a HUGE WEB OF LIES...erm then people teasing me with someone...and dont worry i dint like it...cause it was about a person whom i respect, admire and care for(indirectly visible though but completely in my heart). I dont like ppl commenting about such people....i hate those ppl in simple terms...but this time i will somehow i will let it go cause i could control myself..
People asked me if i decided on any option for one of my previous posts...the one in which i talked about me being put in a situation with 2 desperately desired choices....well lemme tell ya...i am still stuck .... stuck like some traffic light in the corner of the road... i dont know what to do...cause from both the sides i am trusted..but even then, i dont qualify to be "the best". There viewpoint about...somethings...maybe be different..i know...but till what extent aah
i havent talked to one in ages (precisely since last week)
the other one i do talk to her a lot...but even then things dont wanna be better...

its like i am forcing myself to fall down the cliff.....which of course i dont want to lah....but for the very element of pleasure....the pleasure of defying gravity...and that too to do the last thing ever before i die. i dont wanna talk about this anymore...tears already (rock 'n') rollin down....but this might be the clue...

erm btw, thnx Nh..., if in case u dont know why...i'll tell you later...but u will have to wait for the "later" a bit too long...haha nvr mind...
Thnx "U" (the "u" is becoming a popular character for my blog wht (see the tagboard)...how cant i thank her....and erm i love u)
Thnx Kndn, Ysh, Kirn, Mhr, Ron, Ankt, Shbht, Nlksh, JoJo, Srv, Srnsh, Amy, Btra, Ashr, Abshek, Vpl, Sidhnt....

later tell y'all why...

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
incomplete post today...will be editing this one again

tk care
love u "U" and u as a reader too...hehe
Adios

SaNdEsH
:)

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complications, complications and complications...
i focus again on the same thing...

sometimes life is cruel enough to put u in a situation, where u are forced to select only ONE option, although u want the other one as badly as the one u think of choosing....well i am currently in a very similar situation...i dont know what is going to happen, or to be more profound....what should be happening...but this time its not the situation that i m concerned about....but the very inclusion of the concept of love here....i know all this might be sounding freakin dumb to you, but lemme tell you, it has meaning....my heart got something to say...but is scared...

something is eating me inside and, and i cant take it anymore....i need both....cant take it....i might have been unfair to one of em, by means of forgetting...but today i just realised....i was just about to commit a fuckin dumb and retarded mistake...and i thank god that even now....atleast i realised...what is the reality...there are people under the layers...its just difficult to spot them...why do we have to spot them out...is because there are reasons that dont allow them to come out on its own. i got to know one of millions of such stories around me...and it was enough to make me cry....enough to make me realise tht it was me who was with the wrong....
god dammed i was wrong...parting with bad....foes with the good.......all this is not as straightforward as it seems but all i can say is that i cant take it anymore...............the ball is not even on any side....its out of bounds....but then it cant always remain balancing in the center....although i dont mind trying to do that...

all this makes me realize ...
why the fuckin hell...was i so careless...?
god dammed, why the fuckin hell dint i realise that i was going to the wrong....or perhaps maybe i m now too...

where is eVeryoNe...? WhEre is sHe...or mAybe where are they goiNg? thE world iS So blAck....i need the warmth and the angel to guide me ..... through this darkness...

dont wanna say anymore...
sandesh
bye
good morning (logically its mornin wht...)

take care...u...i will always be there for u both....no matter if it costs my life

je t'aime

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hmmm....well this is just the first study break,....so more coming up late nite....
today i...nvr mind

got up...had some black coffee....left for school...dint do much in the first 2 periods...was slacking all throughout....was watching some videos...(of course videos of the songs she likes wht....her liking my liking too man...) but maybe volume too low..so dint get to hear much...somehow passed the time and the period finished...then had geography...and the usual periods....i feel lucky siao...dint feel sleepy at all in the lessons today...black coffee rox man.....am skipping the lessons...(cause nothing much interesting....the usual....me and my biasness towards technology, which can be quite easily reflected in the Lang Arts periods...) then school...ended....printed somethings...then waited till 4.15 for Kundan cause we all decided to go together....but then came to know about something bad....something which could have torn apart millions of hearts...if they were in my situation....i i i mean i never knew...about this...nvr ever,...although i did have some idea about it....but..why god?? i question.,...and i dont care i want an answer..
what could be the best....
u know* that person...very well...then all in the sudden of the afternoon, u enter the dark classroom......with your friends...(expecting to see no one there), but still see the person...then some questions and verbal communication and interchange takes place...and then suddenly u r urged to talk...or maybe ask....ask about the "condition" and the person tells u the "real" condition...or your face...and and i mean u can see what the person is going through when the person...talks to you...all i was able to do...was to mutter to myself..."I am sorry about that...!!"
I WAS NOT ABLE TO OPEN MOUTH TO SAY WHAT I WANTED TO AFTER listening ABOUT THE condition...IMAGINE WHAT WOULD THE PERSON BE GOING THROUGH...WHEN HE/SHE IS actually IN THE condition....I JUST COUDNLT GET IT OFF MY MIND....came back around 5 pm with Kundan...and rested for a while...the time i crouched on bed, the person came into my mind.....(hugged my Pooh) and I CANT BELEIVE THIS....BUT THOSE PAINFUL TEARS ACTUALLY ROLLED DOWN MY CHEEKS...i just couldnt control myself...and somehow...i felllllllll into a slumber and fell asleep....then got up around 6.20 and a wet environment around me...l8r realised...i had cried..went to the hostel canteen to have dinner, but i just could not think about anything else except the person....had a quite...lonely dinner today too...then came back....tried to think about something else...but the person just refused to leave my mind...i tried studying,....but i simply could not resist ...and somehow got the person's handphone number from Kundan.....i sms'd her....i cant really explain how relieved i was when i received the person's reply...
sms'd the person quite a lot.....and i just hoped...that i could go on like this forever and ever till the end of my life....maybe that is how much the person means to me...die die i want to see the person happy...i dont care about the way, the consequences....nothing...
incase u are the person,
i just dont know...but i really really do care for u,...and if ever in life, u ever need anything...anything....just give me a call....i will be there faster than the speed of light...k? and never be dissaproved of ur capabilites....u are the most ******, ******, and the most of the most ********* person i have ever seen...u are brave and i know u are mentally and emotionally quite strong....but all this is balanced on a very delicate BALANCE.....any light tilt here and there, can lead you to nowhere....

i dont care how, when, why, where...i will pledge to HIM for something...and i dont mind going against HIM...if my pledge isn't fulfilled....cant explain...in words...but tears are rolling down my cheeks...and i cant control it....

Sandesh

am confused...crap
di, i know i am being surrounded by troubles...but i i i am sorry...u are a very dear person to me...and i cant afford to make such a person...angry for anything....

I dont know what to say...but i am trapped
Help Me

*putsomethingmoreprofound

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hey guys...
its still 2.18 am and i dont feel like sleeping...part of my "push to the extreme limits" program...hehe...just kiddin....listenin to one of my favourite bands, Linkin Park, at really blasting volume....but sont care lol...helps me to keep awake...have had enough sips of black cofee....so i think i got enough caffeine in my body....so maybe i wont sleep lol...hehe
well today was fine wht...nthn so interesting...lets start..
hehe
got up really late.....around 11.30
MOM called or else i wouldnt have woken have....then got sms's from Kundan...and other ppl...hehe...funny lol...after suggestions and on second thoughts, i thought it should be me who should be revising literature and language arts...so i m deciding to do that tomorrow. aahhh maybe i would be able to complete....then got ready...and went to the hostel canteen for lunch to find everything finished...."i mean i was just expecting that to happen while going down....cant and shouldnt expect too much from people"...hehe then decided to not eat anything at all..was so angry that i punched the walls of the elevator like 7-8 times....then u came to my mind...and all my anger and frustation disappeared...aaaahhhh had such a nice feeling...then packed my bag and went to the skooll....surprisingly...i find the school a better place to study then the hostel...
ehehe
went to my class...and found my seniors... (06v11) their practising some LA project drama....then enjoyed their practice till like 730...and also trying to study a bit....but literally dint..hehe
came back in bus thinking....abt some ppl...am still feeling bad as to why di is angry with me...even though i dint do anything... :(
even then,...sorry sis....i dint mean to hurt u wht....pls forgive me...i apologise :(

then came back...luckily found some dinner....and had a quiet dinner....
came to my room and tried to do some funny stuff with my laptop....and it was successful...i can now use my hand phone to control my pc for doing anything....cool right....hehe
then studied a bit....till now...and no wi m doing this....

i dont know what to say...
but ppl are acting nice to me...and i know some of them really mean it...i can see the more superficial ones too....hehe...

something for "u"
well as always, couldnt stop thinking about u....u are like the gravitational field of earth..u go anywhere, it still acts on u...hehe...
i dont know....but i think i should tell u now that i...i do ...love u....but i m really scared...cause our friendship and ur happiness is what is the most important thing for me....so maybe i will kill my desires and try to keep the fact to myself...but even then cant resist to say...
i love u....hehe.

well dont know what is happening to me...i m not yet serious about the EOY's...i need to wake up .... maybe tomorrow....hehe

well thnx Gaille for linking me.....and also for the comment on ur blog.....(uhm uhm) but dont worry...i trust u...and i know what is true and what is not...so no need bothering abt who says wht...hehe
Thnx kundan for the notes....i would have died if i wouldnt have gotten them...hehe
gotta go now...
or else i will sleep in every period in schooll
hehe

SaNdEsH Adios
take care y'all

EOY's coming soon

btw got this interesting thought..
reflect on it..

"Everyone wants a clean green and a PEACEFUL earth...but everyone else to start it first and maybe thats why..."
(and maybe tht might have some link to what i put on Gaille's cbox....about her dream presents...hehe)

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oh well today also okok lah..i mean
dint study much...but slacked...

got up late in the morning...so decided not to go Hindi School...no purpose too... then got up arpund...suddenly got up some idea about Bluetooth connectivity...and then asked one of my friends to lend me his hand phone and my prediction was right...

it is possible to play media content from a mobile and use a laptop's resources such as the LCD screen and the speakers...

and with this got some hacking ideas....but thought not to concentrate on that...
took lunch and came back
got ready to go school...then reached school....tried to do some maths...felt bored then did a bit of Lang Arts...then went online, surfing and downloading stuff....VJC wireless rox man...i donloaded like 578.5 Mb (exact value) in less than 15 minutes....technology simply impresses me...but yeah lah...while doing this, more than half the time i was thinking about u....couldnt forget u..or should i rephrase it like...i can never forget u (throughout my life) hehe... stayed up in school till 730 pm and then came back alone alone....saw this indian guy....and i got into this deep thoughts...that this guy might be the one she likes....so was trying to compare him with myself lol..so basically then came back...had a "sad" dinner..then came back and tried to study but couldnt...was diverted too much to think abt anything related to what i was studying.....then later around 11 i settled a bit and studied till now...now its like 3.10 in the morning and i cant wait for sunday...hehe
just kiddin...nothing so much abt a sunday...but even then i cant wait to think about u...and maybe to dream abt being with u...in simple terms...i love u.

Happy Ganesha Chathurthi btw....
Just remembered... Ganpati bappa mourya...Pudhchya Varshi laukar yea...hehe i like to say it again and again....maybe cause i find Lord Ganesha damn cute...
hehe...aaaaaahhhhh i need some Moduk in my mouth...

i dont know what to do...but i think i m stressing up now...and i m pushing myself to the limits...got no one to help me, no one to support me....no one at all....am so alone...

hehe

i think i better sleep now...
already late..
i love u
SaNdEsH sAyS Au revoIr pour maintenant mais pas pendant LOngtemps
je VEUx l'amour

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why are u angry with me di...?? what did i do....? its not intentional....can understand somethings but...please forgive me...i dont want to hurt u in any means...u do mean something to me...and maybe that is why... maybe that is why...thats why tears are freakin rollin down...rollin down my cheeks..and i just dont wanna see u hurt any more...why are u doing this....please di please dont do this....please;....
i beg for ur forgiveness'..
if u are angry @ what i wrote on my blog...then lemme tell u...first of all, i was damn pissed at something....(maybe u dint ever notice that) then after the neck thing, i was not able to control my feelings...and btw there was nothing wrong in it....yeah yea i can understand that u were totally unaware of it....i know...but aaah why am i getting into this....
if u are angry @ my MSN personal message....it wasnt directed toward u
or else...if there is any other reason please tell me...di u know
how much i care for u and that u know.....how much u mean to me...please
see i have forgotten everything that happened....that day....

i know i was angry at u....ovr something....and maybe something that i did...for it...made u angry...but really trust me...its not as u see.....i m the normal guy again...
please di forgive me....
if u still angry then at least dicuss the problem with me.....lemme clear ur doubts away...please...


oh god help me
i know i m bad..

but pls try to understand this time
time is not with me...neither is di...
hell

sandesh

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woohoo today had a very nice day meh...
i never knew i could draw so well...hehe...but really aaah i stunned my friends and proved to them that i can draw. ok lets start from the beginning.

Today got up a bit late...so hurried up with the things...dint take breakfast...i wanted to talk to di, but just couldnt...aaahh. Then reached school, attended assembly...then all it started....before everything aah...i just remembered u and u walked past me...woh...nice right..? hehe
then around 8, reached the library, went inside..i tried studying but dint want to...donno why...then Kundan and Bart went to the PE dept. to get their shoes....then was getting so bored i drew a portrait of Nh. hehe quite fun u know .... but i dont know aah..i expected to be damn funny, but luckily it was one of the best real life portraits i might have ever drawn u knw.... then bart and kundan came back in a very mysterious way...and saw what i drew. Then kunan gladly agreeing with me, asked me who was that girl i drew...hehe he was like "Woh...cool man..nice...looks exactly like her...really man.. The face looks exactly like hers.. " that was like the best comment i heard....hehe then he insisted me to show her the portrait aah...but i was very scared...i mean first of all i shouldnt have done that....looks rude wht...then many other things too lol...i just cant beleive i could draw so nicely meh....am damn happpy abt it...

Then throughout the rest of the day everything was going fine....except for the boring BIO lessons but today even though i was tired i somehow wasnt feeling sleepy hehe... maybe i got too happy abt that drawing leh..

then came to know that Mr. Boy on M.C. so no classes and the maths classes were preponed to like abt an hour....so ended school quite early lol...then after school finish, i stayed back with Kai Liang doing nonsense (maths in real terms) on the board..then Gaille accompanied us in class...then came Kundan, Marcus, Tim, Umar, Indri and then also had surprise and unexpected visits by Willie and Asyraf..hehe quite fun leh...then we studied (or in simple terms...tried to ..leh cause got blsting music running on too...hehe.) then during our supposed study time, we were having quite a lot of fun meh,,,,hehe then
we all left around 530...and Kundan still was trying his best to explain the chemistry titration thingie to Gaille....hehe...haha Gaille? did u get it ..no?? yes??? i expect a yes... and i know u will..cause Kundan taught u wht...hehe...just kiddin, so well we were coming back, then sudden change of unity...
girl with gir
guy with guy
guys with guys
three distinct grps...but still had fun on the way..then me and Kundan walked back home
we were discussing somethings...and i am happy Kundan confessed it...and i knew that from the beginning....(there is no such thing ok...guys so enough k?)so lucky i guessed correctly wht...(grin Nh) heh...so am here trying to do something to pass time...

aaah maywhat rite...in the end we must just reflect
sCaNdAlS EiThEr BrInG tWo PeOpLe ClOsE tOgEtHeR oR mOvE tHeM fUrThEr AwAy.


but nice day today...expect more of such days in the future...
hehe
take care
SaNdEsH says Adios




cant live without u...its a really really difficult world out there...and...ummm maybe i think he could have been right....but even then i love u, cause u mean more than this world to me....u are my heart...u are my breath....u r the blood that runs through me...u are the bird i see in the sky, u are the morning i see after every dark nite....
...dunno why, i m going to arts...but it wont happen,,,hehe

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aaah...
well i dont know why, but i am not able to get my impression on her...why why why....i m falling apart...dunno what to do...i know u are in trouble too, but triangles are formed like this wht...and maybe i would like to cancel away the twist by backing out my self. But this time, i really dont feel like...and 99% i wont. But i still fear that 1% that might force me to. I know u wont ever like me, cause i am supposed to be the UNliked person, i know...neither do i want u to...i mean i dont have any desires of making you mine...all i know is that i love u, and thats all that i really care for... at this point...what i would like to say to u is that...whatever decision u took rite,...just stick to it, i mean i think that has to be the best way out....no doubts...but just one last time....maybe b4 u format everything....just ask..maybe it might help cause lemme tell ya, someone has to be very lucky to be liked by u...even though u dont like me, i can feel it...(i dont know what that "it" is, but is definitely addictive and strong). One of my friends also going through the same period...and i think i would definitely support her in watever decision she makes...but even to her.. think b4 u do anything... aaahh complications in chaos...to find order out of disorder is the only solution. I freakin guess.
Took a li'l break from studyin and am updating mah blog but i think, i should prefer studying...
well today was an ok ok day...

Started with a joyful morning (except for a touch of sadness that remained throughout the day....di angry with me...dunno why:( ummmmmm). Then saw u, cheered up a bit...
Caught up with friends and did my presentation in the library....
All of us decided to do something different today,....and somehow my suggestion worked hehe..
so basically that is how the first hour passed without much interruptions.....except for me being carrrrrrriiiiiiiiiieeeed away from reality, thinkin about things which are never supposed to be happenin...and somewhat distracted..

then came back class...attended BIO...horrible as usual....was boring.so felt sleepy...but had my mints with me...so somehow prevented it...but that dint stop me from thinking abt her...
aaahahaaaaaaaahhhhhhh

in the break saw u and van too (not together lol) but atleast one after the other...stopped then and there...closed my eyes....and did something....and fortunately i could see both of u....sometimes life puts u in situations where u want to stick to both the options available, but u cant prevent from choosing one...
i was like that...
worse....
she came and talked to me.....aaaaah.....i melted....heard her voice in ages...(err..not really though...heard yesterday only wht...but still lets continue lah)...and then had brunch....then came back attended chem and maths....(still thinkin abt her in btween) then in the break b4 electives try to help van out of something....i mean after everything...i am still there for her...and i cant let her be sad cause of something that maybe, i can change... so basically i contacted ppl from 14 to help her...cause i dint want her to sacrifice her marks...for like 20 others..(excluding me and someothers) who dint even know what she was doing...although i tried my best, but couldnt do anything....then had to do the EVIL way...Mind me aah...but i dont care what i become, if it comes to helping ppl i admire, respect...or maybe i l _ _ e(d). The marks are being reconsidered...and i am waiting for tomorrow...to see what happens...although indirectly lah, but the 14 guys have promised that she would not need to sacrifice her marks for us...and basically i feel proud...cause although i dint say that to her...but maybe i am her strongest supporter lol..
then had my Electives Presentation....am happy electives ended...the teacher remained stinned after having a mini discussion of my computing and programming skills and abilities....hehe..but on top of everything...the first thing i tried to do, after school ended..was to think ..to reflect and derive a conclusion...and i have it now...
haha

btw vjcwlan rox... (feeling damn sian..so just random lol)

am sipping in hot coffee and trying to relax and not think about u...but even then....u so somehow come in my minds....hehe
well in conclusion

van, dont worry...i wont keep quiet until u are given justice
Nh, do not think abt what happend in the past...stick to what is happenin now...dont let ur past bother u....i felt bad after reading ur blog post....and that i wished i could talk to u face to face...(i really hope, to do that....but...hehe) and ur friend is rite i guess...but think b4 u take any decision...
<3, well u just keep on haunting me.....i dont mind...infact i enjoy it....but remember what i told u...
and di...please dont be angry with me...i m sorry...
k?
and btw, for y'all i m always there to support u...no matter what....cause u mean more than ppl to me....someone(s) more profound..
hehe


love u
Sandesh
Bbye
tc
sweet dreams
3only...what that is...will be coming up in the next post...

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well today was quite a fine day...maybe a bit merrier than yesterday lol....much much better....Well Mr. Randel Siow, a teacher in VS did some painful looking message on my neck...and releived my pain a bit...it really worked...i had my eyes closed...and all i could hear is...cracking sounds from my neck...my roommates thought, i wont be able to survive what he was doing...Luckily i dint even feel a thing...i mean...after everything i felt so relaxed...forgot my pain started to do some funny things on my laptop... hehe..then took medicine and slept...

Got up in the morning today...and checked whether my neck hurt or not....well unfortunately it did...so dressed up and had hot milk and took medicine again...well, i was talking about my "test" yesterday....well today got awesome results...i was actually bombed by sms and verbal talks...so everything turned out to be fine...then classes started...got to know, we had no PE...so decided to sleep...and guess what....i dreamt...thats one part...I dreamt about whom? yes thats most imp thing....i dreamt about her...and that i asked her...she agreed....we were going around the beach...she called up some friends...and we were havin fun...then then then...i was about to do something....i think i was abt to say something else too to her....when everything started to blur....and i got up in reality...REALITY....and then looked @ the watch to find...20 more minutes...for the next lesson...so slept back...trying to figure out the way to reconnect to the same dream i was in...well even though i know it is very difficult for all this to happen in reality...but at least everyday, just haunt me in dreams..i would like to meet u again tonite too...hehe..
well then had LangArts...got back some marks...did quite ok...then ate something with the class...and then had maths...everything passed on well...except the last minutes of Maths...got so freakin bored...i dint study....i mean i seriously paid no attn to what the teacher was saying. then the day ended...played some informal in-class soccer and then settled to study in the library....till about 6pm...aahh I OFFICIALLY START PREPARING FOR MATHS FROM TODAY.. and had u, di and mom in my heart..to inspire me... cause these three are the only ppl in front i will always bow my head....whether voluntarily or even involuntarily...so basically...i am a bit happy today lol...
just wishing i can tell u how much i love u...but it is difficult at this moment... maybe not even next year....maybe in JC or something...but this thing will definitely has to come out....cause even if not that....she is a very caring and a good friend of mine...which i at any point of time, wouldnt want to break and that too because of cheating (by not telling her lol)....
well just remembered what one of my friends told me while chatting...to change my perceptions abt some stuf...and that is what actually happened...man she is damn gr8 at guessing and relates stuff....maybe she got some kind of sixth sense.....Can predict future...just like Heroes....
hehe

well thats it for today...
gotta go study now
sandesh
loves u
a lot alot alot alot alot

cant wait to sleep tonite...maybe u might come in my dream again....and that i get to be with u......
love u
tk cre
cant live without u, di and mom...
hats off for these three ppl whom my life is dedicated to,,,

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today was a painful day...i freakin broke my neck in bus 197 while coming back disappointed...from Chan Brothers....cause they were freakin closed and they freakin never informed me and asked me to come and pay them the money...

Well today i got to test somethings.....well the main one is about those...who really care for me...i mean the friends lol...and fortunately the results were upto my expectations...NONE...so basically left alone today, had to take the pain myself lol...
In the morning, i tested someone whom i thought to be a very admirable and respectable person...but maybe my perceptions and thinking is always wrong.... so basically got disappointed in the morning...i mean how can someone forget that the person sitting infront of u was begging like hell the nite before for help....and then the next morning...u dont even bother to ask...how i feel... Heights meh.. But l8r came to know...more was in front for the day.
The pain increased rapidly in the morning and therefore i was unable to do anything, in the sense to tell someone or ask anyone for help...cause i know, no one would be glad to....
The first two periods passed somehow....cause i somehow slept on the sofa in 12 (of course thinking abt her lol...) then called mom...and freakin troubled her in the morning...
oh god...sandesh...cant u take a bit more pain...and in return give less pain to atleast those whom u know who care about you.
Then, i wake up around 915am to find my whole shirt wet with ice cold water....surprisingly the sofa or at least the region where i was sleeping wasnt wet...haa....miracle of science...
Then the disaster started GEOG CORE lecture...
went there
nothing much happened except for some ppl trying to find out what happened...(just for sake)
then somehow Ms. Toh noticed i was acting funny...so she asked me...all well till then,..then i ask her to go and sit back .... (all this happened infront of her.... and carried by some freakin jokes..) and then everything started....it all came in a flash...
i mean
I WAS CRYING....I WAS REALLY CRYING....and suddenly i hear....."Sandesh are u ok? u seem to be in tremendous pain?"...what am i supposed to answer @ that....err maybe...
"Oh no, i am alright....this is how i laugh....just remembered a joke so am laughing @ it....." Hell

but i dint have enough guts at that time to say anything like that...neither did i want to (not atleast in front of her....seems rude wht..) Then somehow i tried to be strong and tried my best to not let anyone, that i m crying.....but somehow Indri noticed it...and showed some courtesy by asking me if i need some hot drink..well thanx for that Indri..(i mean these are the ppl, whom u can rely at times...nice person she is though...)
Then after the period ended...i sat back and tried to relax...but those pricky tears dint seem to stop...and since no one was there....i had to wipe them myself...and gather the courage to get up... and go away....maybe she might have seen what happened...and maybe it might have aroused some thoughts in her.... maybe she cared for me in her heart...or atleast wanted to know what happened...but i guess sometimes... such thoughts just ruin ur days.....maybe i will talk abt it smetime again...maybe...
then somehow tried to rest in the break that followed...but couldnt,....i couldnt stop thinking abt her...then the geog tutorial started...and the pain became unbearable and i had to walk out, rush to the GO, and told them the situation....since there was no teacher available, for accompanying me they were deciding to arrange for an ambulance...i mean i dont know aah...but was i looking that bad...that they had to fall to the extent of calling an ambulance...but Mr. Boy somehow arranged for Mr. Seet to go with me...and then best....we go and go and go...and find all the clinics closed....all of them...then my became unbearable, so he decided that instead of me, waiting for the clinic to open, i rest @ hostel...so he dropped me there...and then i ate and watched a short movie...then took some rest and now i m blogging...and have to go to Chan Brothers again to buy ticket...freakin right??

imagine if u were in this situation...
u waste 1 week for a competetion...dont study...ur end of years in 2 weeks time now....u get a freakin pain, which according to the PE dept, wont get well for abt a week....then i dont know what to do....fuckin....

well i m awaiting some sms replies....well not parts of the tests....cause i trust both of them more then my life....and that they are whom i need @ this moment...somehow i cant see them or maybe i am not wearing my specs....

hate myself
feel like killing myself...

what is happening to me...?? why why why

sandesh
love u
n

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no no non o onno no ono no
i saw it all worng
oh god no
dont please
pleease dont take her from me...

i beg u..

pls

i promise.....i will be perfect even though it is difficult for a sucker like me...

for u
i dont care about anything
neither life...nor death

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well nothing is so interesting today....got one award for the robotics competition, but not so happy lol....maybe i think i am being carried away...or maybe FORCEd to be carried away is more precise. what was that for....was it a sign or was it just my imagination...well may whatever the reason be, i would only like to say that....someday or the other i will have to confess in front of u, but i scare whether it will ruin the very seed of friendship that we sowed...i do need u, and,...well thats what i can say for now..
sometimes i just feel like challenging myself and telling the thing to u, but i fear..ii do fear...i dont think i would be able to.... it will....

well doono why, but i suddenly remembered someone, someone in a flash...wtf...why did it happen...nvr mind...maybe i think i should do as what one of my friend says....dont think about it lol....well btw she rox...completely rox..

aaah today really no fun..... except when i was thinking abt it and chatting... i was a bit lost and i even acted freakin dumb while chatting... its like like so freakin dumb, right....i mean chattin and acting dumb, fucku sandesh....u suck.......cant even even....aaah nvr mind...

well....i cant think of anything else...but i actually had a lot of things to say....and maybe i will get to say the,,,.....maybe not.....until untill it gets late...and i have to stay up awake....till till death...
u know its difficult for me....but somehow i want to tell u...but i am really scared of the consequences...but if u guarantee me....i will definitely lessen my pains and maybe it would be happy.
ok then
maybe l8r at nite i might add on something...
wait till then, if u want to ...

see me...u know whats in my heart...
just it is waiting to come out...and i guess...

bonne nuit...
je t'aime
merci neha...

sandesh
see me...get the clue...

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well, i dont know wht to say, but sometimes...things are not supposed to be happenin...i mean some good ppl, having to stop thinking abt things, which if not thought about can tear ur hearts like hell..and maybe i could clearly see that in her latest post on her blog. Man, things like these can be seriously painful, but to overcome this is wat is to be thought of. I know u r strng enough to come out of it...and i hope watever i told u helped u to go through and make watever decisions u made. I just dont want this to happening...why why why i question, why is it that...we as humans, arent so so i dont know how to say what i want to say...cause its all in the mind..but i guess u do get the msg. well, although i know u arent sad, or maybe u might be hiding it, but dont feek heart broken... cause i am always there to support you in watever decisions u make and guide u through the best possible way....u are someone unique ....

think i will sleep now
love u
sandesh

adios







nvr 4get.....
"u always a got a dog behind u, to keep u moving...., even if u cant find the tuna-fish"

creators, Tom&Jerry

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ahh...u r so cute

ahh...u r so cute

well all connotative meanings for the title of this post are completely acceptable. and maybe i cant deny this....but i can feel u here now...
the very thought about u gives me that, that feeling, makes me truly believe in myself... u brought me up from the dark and now i m shy enough to ask u, bring me through any darkness that comes my way for life...

i dont know what to say, but i think if and only if i can gather courage to tell u how much i love u, or perhaps show it u....but its sorta difficult.... i know...no way out....

well leaving that "hopeless" story behind...i would like to think and recollect all those things that happened during the day today.
Well in the morning got up....as usual and left for school for BIO make-up lessons.....i know they were boring...but i was trying to be at my best....but couldnt resist cursing and abusing myself for things... Got back some assignments.. (and i am glad that....I SCK and i literally mean I SCK @ BIO) fcuk sandesh well nvr mind...moving on...
having lost my mood in studying....so went back hostel....to find that the Dell ppl waiting for me...they gave me the things i needed (DELL rox) and then i had dinner...and went to book tickets for India for Novemeber....dint get a direct flight thought....but instead got a better one...so now i will also be enjoyin another airport of this world (making the total , 12...wooohoo i have visited 12 airports around the world.....COMPLICATIONS) My flight stopping @ Bangkok.
Well the place where we had to go was nothing less than a maze.....but after sometime i found my way to the top...hehe(well i want to find my way to the top with her now.....i need the warmth of her hands in mine, i dont like that chill in my hand @ this moment....got nothing to warm me.....my hands getting numb....number.....HELP ME....(linkin park rox btw...am a jolly big fan of theirs)) well towards the evening....something gr8 awaited me.... i met one of my dad's friend, nice guy he is.....i saw him last about 4 yrs ago and 7 yrs ago b4 that...so i went out to dine with him to parkway.... when i came back....he passed me stuff my mom sent me from INDIA....
thnx mom....LOVE U MOM thnx for the cool and sexy jacket... i just love it...cried a bit at the letter she sent with it....
well to really say females are really different people..., they make u cry, they make u happy, they make u realise, they make u LOVE...and i guess u too agree with that..
towards nite...i engaged in some good little chat with a very nice person i admire and respect....hehe i know very strange and LOL but serious...i do ... and yes i do....i do ido ... (less ppl around here on this planet....who fit into that list of mine....although this person found the way quite easily). something that is still running in my mind is the same old thing....do not back out... dont fear what might happen if u do... fear what might happen if u dont....and yeah always remember

i am there to support u no matter wht.... k
k?

Maybe i should sleep now..... its like 1.50+ now....in the morning....hehe....no sleep
u make my sleeps vanish...hehe

HAPPY JANMASHTHAMI

Sayonara
Sandesh
lv u

:)

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aah....am tired..

well the past few days are going quite well and i think its more because of someone. But as they say....its difficult to understand...COMPLEXITY rules man....difficult to join back those delicate threads... i will talk abt that l8r...

well saturday was fun...
Like always...i thought something different would happen, but FORTUNATELY nothing much happened..but i got to see that...that other angle of the boys... well that is something what i nvr would have expected in my whole life...but yeah as it goes..Exceptions are always there.

I got up late in the morning and my arm was paining badly, cause of that small scale accident in the bus last nite after the competition. Not serious though....but i dint care for any pain....That small cute girl's smile just made me forget all pains... well... if u dont get what the hell i m talking about...then lemme tell u

Me and my team got into the finals of a prestigious robotics competition (dont be surprised if i tell u that my team being from the IP is competing against the JC/ITE level),....so after me and some other seniors were coming back...the bus driver jammed the brakes...and the bus came to a sudden stop. We were in the aisle, preparing to get down to the first level of the bus LOL... i was the last person to get down,...and the worst recipient of the effect of the sudden stop. But while all this happened....there was a very cute little baby girl, who caught my eyes... she was damn damn damn damn damn cute....her eyes were like an angel's. She was standing on her mother's lap and trying to the press the Stop button, but cause of the breaking, she lost balance and was about to fall.. i mean she did fall...but somehow dont know how...she err...i mean i just put my arms forward...and luckily the girl was supported by my arms.. and then she looked at me...and smiled at me.... it was the cccccccccccccuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttttttttttteeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssttttttttttttttt smile someone would have ever given me...although i slammed against one of the poles and in the meantime also got one of my arm stuck in the pole or was it that the girl had held me. but i
dint care.....if after all that i can get a sweeeeeet little girl to smile at me...that more than enough
i would ask from life...
hope i can get to see that girl again...

so getting back to the main story...
i reached the Hindi School late...but everything went fine....dint even get to see Chanta Marruungi....went inside classroom...for the first time ever i saw evryone doing something .... and i could have expected why...
Classes were fine....with some unusual travels to the imaginary lands with.....errr...ummm of course..u know who... ( H @ nG eD...not the one b4
well dreams are dreams...not reality...and then i would come back to my senses and find a group of nice ppl around me....
Then some of the girls arranged for a a pizza and that was also one of the main key highlights of the day...
the rest of the things went on fine... but then after school finished, someone told me about what happened last saturday....and maybe since then i was a bit annoyed..but i think that there might be some truth in it..but no...watever is there...i promise to be with u, no matter wht....(evn if u are wrong)

aahhh well its again all about complications...Each nite i think about her... and i think that time is not far when it would be unbearable. I know that, what i want will never be mine....even by the application of the most explicit logic. :( i know i know....i dont and maybe i shouldnt be dreaming of such desires, but i just cant forget it...cause i love her more than anything in this world....even though she doesnt even know abt it...wtf....
i beg
give me pls....
show some magick...
i m awaiting
cyberbeast await magick

NO SECRET MSGS TODAY.... my apologies to all those expecting readers...

Adios
Sandesh
Cyberbeast

its difficult for me to tell u that i love u....

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