today was a painful day...i freakin broke my neck in bus 197 while coming back disappointed...from Chan Brothers....cause they were freakin closed and they freakin never informed me and asked me to come and pay them the money...

Well today i got to test somethings.....well the main one is about those...who really care for me...i mean the friends lol...and fortunately the results were upto my expectations...NONE...so basically left alone today, had to take the pain myself lol...
In the morning, i tested someone whom i thought to be a very admirable and respectable person...but maybe my perceptions and thinking is always wrong.... so basically got disappointed in the morning...i mean how can someone forget that the person sitting infront of u was begging like hell the nite before for help....and then the next morning...u dont even bother to ask...how i feel... Heights meh.. But l8r came to know...more was in front for the day.
The pain increased rapidly in the morning and therefore i was unable to do anything, in the sense to tell someone or ask anyone for help...cause i know, no one would be glad to....
The first two periods passed somehow....cause i somehow slept on the sofa in 12 (of course thinking abt her lol...) then called mom...and freakin troubled her in the morning...
oh god...sandesh...cant u take a bit more pain...and in return give less pain to atleast those whom u know who care about you.
Then, i wake up around 915am to find my whole shirt wet with ice cold water....surprisingly the sofa or at least the region where i was sleeping wasnt wet...haa....miracle of science...
Then the disaster started GEOG CORE lecture...
went there
nothing much happened except for some ppl trying to find out what happened...(just for sake)
then somehow Ms. Toh noticed i was acting funny...so she asked me...all well till then,..then i ask her to go and sit back .... (all this happened infront of her.... and carried by some freakin jokes..) and then everything started....it all came in a flash...
i mean
I WAS CRYING....I WAS REALLY CRYING....and suddenly i hear....."Sandesh are u ok? u seem to be in tremendous pain?"...what am i supposed to answer @ that....err maybe...
"Oh no, i am alright....this is how i laugh....just remembered a joke so am laughing @ it....." Hell

but i dint have enough guts at that time to say anything like that...neither did i want to (not atleast in front of her....seems rude wht..) Then somehow i tried to be strong and tried my best to not let anyone, that i m crying.....but somehow Indri noticed it...and showed some courtesy by asking me if i need some hot drink..well thanx for that Indri..(i mean these are the ppl, whom u can rely at times...nice person she is though...)
Then after the period ended...i sat back and tried to relax...but those pricky tears dint seem to stop...and since no one was there....i had to wipe them myself...and gather the courage to get up... and go away....maybe she might have seen what happened...and maybe it might have aroused some thoughts in her.... maybe she cared for me in her heart...or atleast wanted to know what happened...but i guess sometimes... such thoughts just ruin ur days.....maybe i will talk abt it smetime again...maybe...
then somehow tried to rest in the break that followed...but couldnt,....i couldnt stop thinking abt her...then the geog tutorial started...and the pain became unbearable and i had to walk out, rush to the GO, and told them the situation....since there was no teacher available, for accompanying me they were deciding to arrange for an ambulance...i mean i dont know aah...but was i looking that bad...that they had to fall to the extent of calling an ambulance...but Mr. Boy somehow arranged for Mr. Seet to go with me...and then best....we go and go and go...and find all the clinics closed....all of them...then my became unbearable, so he decided that instead of me, waiting for the clinic to open, i rest @ hostel...so he dropped me there...and then i ate and watched a short movie...then took some rest and now i m blogging...and have to go to Chan Brothers again to buy ticket...freakin right??

imagine if u were in this situation...
u waste 1 week for a competetion...dont study...ur end of years in 2 weeks time now....u get a freakin pain, which according to the PE dept, wont get well for abt a week....then i dont know what to do....fuckin....

well i m awaiting some sms replies....well not parts of the tests....cause i trust both of them more then my life....and that they are whom i need @ this moment...somehow i cant see them or maybe i am not wearing my specs....

hate myself
feel like killing myself...

what is happening to me...?? why why why

sandesh
love u
n