i see the shadows in the daylight,
and grief in the darkness,
i wanna be alone but still,
it just stalks me up and down the street.
pretty
dirty
well
everything
is twisted

and so beautifully

planned.

i want to change it. NOW!


shit... its so , so noot right...
help me.. pls

t :(

Read More

Silence, I dint expect it to be so disturbingly painful to shake me up. I know there are things that did not happen, some rather "unexpected" things happening...but there is nobody to blame but ME.

I M TRYING MY f***ing best...
BOTTOMLINE: it doesnt matter

It will..



Things are goofed up and trust me.. no one can understand the meaning of the first 4 words more than I can...


Just came back from my Yoga class and all the while there, i was thinking..
thinking about how things have changed over the years...how I have changed over the years...
and how i dint wanted to have changed in someways over the years..but i still did..

i dont know whether i am angry or is it sadness that is filling me from the top to the bottom..
but may what it be, all i know is (and all that really matters is) is that it is for myself..

if i m sad, i m sad coz of myself..
if i m angry, i m angry over myself.. and coz of myself..



everything is so f***ing crafted cleverly that there is no escape from it.



Am i a burden or an asset?
I mean, what value as an asset do i hold anyways...
i always get the feeling that i m adding more and more and more and more...



from PEACE to CHAOS..
its so easy..
the journey backwards is so damn hard..


and I am here, fighting with myself, with my emotions as to what went wrong..and why arent things the way I had projected them to be..


I know this sounds crazy but, at times like this..
balancing your mind is so not easy..
it always remains biased..

it never tries to look onto the brighter side of it...



but..what brighter side can this "situation" have..
i hope it does... i know it does..


i think i owe people apologies..
(focus on the pluralities...)




i have survived until now..
from now i wanna LIVE! and there is nobody stopping me from doing that..


but at the moment, there is only one thing that stands in its way..

come on Sandesh... its just a hurdle...
nothing more than that..





sigh.
i wish to be with "someone" now..
but even that is not possible right now..





a composition for good thoughts..

a chance is all i want,
a turn is all i need...
i know i am behind the crowd,
but now i wanna be the lead..

waking up in confusion,
sleeping in chaos,
i have seen it all enough, i am tired of this sickness
and now i wanna end this routine..

give me the chance, give me the hope
give me the chance, give me the hope..





i dont know what else to say..
bye


sad
sandesh
:(

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this is so not what i was gonna write....but i just couldnt help myself..


day b4 ystrday was fun... real fun..
met THE GUYS...after such a long time...and had a blast with them..

watched Dostana @ Select City Walk...
the movie aint that bad...(better than i expected... but could have been better..)
nonetheless it got the the 2.5 stars from me..
haha
lol


anyways..
after that.. was a PIZZA TREAT by abk..
woohoo...



other people joined... and we greeted....and we ate...and we had fun...
lol


afterwards...

i had to take a decision... and trust me i think this was a good one..
haha,


the guys had planned to go to CR PARK to enjoy an evening of soccer..haha
but i guess, my intention to go there was perhaps more than just soccer...

NOW WAS THE DECISION MAKING TIME..


Should i take the "1 over a thousandth probability" (coz u said u'd be busy with SOMETHINGS) of meeting whoever i wanted to meet and risk spending dunno how many bucks coming back all the way back home on my own in the evening or should i just day good bye to the guys and just leave with my parents from CityWalk...

BUT
apart from the risks, there was something more in place, i knew my mom's cell was out of balance...and there was no way of "informing the concerned authorities..." ( i always remember this line in one of the forms i filled up for a competition..haha)

so ya...
in the end...



i ended up taking stands with the decision involving the highest risks...
and went up ahead with the plan as the others had planned..


after reaching there...and a few minutes into the game, i somehow managed to make a call...
yeah... and trust me..nothing could have been much "heart-calmer" than after i heard that "Hello" lol..
haha



blah blah blah...
lets finish the story first..
i reached home safely (courtesy: Paul and his Parents)
they dropped me back safely..
haha


and the night was alive...
hhaha








now to the sentiments..


most people would expect to be sad in the situation of the "take the decision" game that i went through..
but
i dint think like that..


later that night..
i was happy!!
the reason NOT being that i couldnt meet..
but

because..
i took the decision with the lowest possible probability of its occurence...and more than that...
i wasnt biased in the decision.. i thought thru the perspective of how (easy) it would be for someone to actually carry out the tasks he/she intended to (eg. Meet me)

i m very very happy i wasnt broken apart by the very fact that i wouldnt have a fair chance to meet up but i guess, it made me even more excited..
coz... "challenges is one part of life, i always open my arms for!!!" (yeah yeah, thts one of my original quotes... LOL)


in the end..
evn though i couldnt meet, but i was happy i actually heard "the voice" haha (err...not spiritually..but haha REALLY)
lol

again looking forward to meet up...
and maybe i'd want that to happen in a zero over a thousandth probability occurence rate!!
tht would give some meaning to life..




yeah...
omg.., i m now so desperate to meet..


anyways..
the time is coming near, and bridge must be crossed... it is a difficult path ahead, but the coin


has
to be
tossed!!








sandesh

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Why Me?


Can I question or have I even lost the right to ask that to myself?






I dont know..
had a wonderfully disturbing dream last night...(not that it was so disturbing that i fell off the bed or what, but I have been thinking a lot about it, i mean do i have any other choice not to think about it?)


anyways..
i wont say i m not enjoying..but errr..ya..
nvr mind



sad

sandesh

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I can imagine that feeling setting in again. Its pretty strong and forceful. Too coercive in nature....not that i'll give up or what...i mean COME ON... this is the cyberbeast we are talking abt here..



but not just that...
something is becoming dark.
darker than it ever could be..



and its so heavy...
heavy beyond limits..







cant really be happy...neither do i want to be sad..
but i just dont know how to react, because it is more than just the question mark that has been put up now...

its the question of time...
which doesnt stop for anyone..





i hope it could...but things dont run the way i want them to be right.???





it feels weird when u see others happily leading their perfect little lives....and yet not contempt with it...
i mean, life in the very broadest sense is extra-ordinary dear... why r ppl complaining??


i mean i should be doing more of that...and less of this isnt it???? but i dont want to coz...
it is...





nvr mind..


off the topic..




practicing for prom now...
just 2 days left...and today we dont even practice together...





woohoo, i mastered playing sugar we're going down....and most of this love....



rest of the songs will be mastered by tomorrow...
cant wait for prom..
i still dont know what to wear for prom...guess i'll end up being a clown...and maybe to suit the environment... 3 jokers from my class would start laughing as if a mad cow just bumped into them...


i dont wanna wear black..



blah blah blah...
i think i should go watch a movie or something..
anyways..




adios..
Sandesh

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going on and on..

trying to be free..



but somehow even imprisonment was also good.
i wanna stay in it..


so that i have more time..



time and people...SHOULD go hand in hand..
but at the moment when u step out of the prison, you feel that..

it should be people and people going hand in hand..



but haiz..
things dont work the way i want them to be...neither am i wishing for it to happen coz then the world be very chaotic..
haha




yeah.

friday was the last day for us as 07v11...and we celebrated a last set of birthdays after school...

singing to the tunes was fun...and
louise started crying also...
xin chen was emo'ing also

rj was also sad...but his reasons were way too different than the others..
his reason was L.

anyways..


i hope we'll stay on together..
and stay in contact..










i want i want i want.

but i dont know i dont know i dont know






anyways..
i gotta practice for prom..



and i still dont have any idea wht i want to wear for it..


anyways..


bb
lol



sandesh

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haiz..



things are just going so wild..





and expectations are rising..





training was interupted by TYH..., YA SURE I"LL ENLigHTEN HIM with what he wants..
I'll do my best..




well, i am so so so so lost...
and i dont know what to do...i mean, more than anything else..

i cant keep thinking about some (things, people, things and people again)

but who'd give a dam about it..




nvr mind..

lets stick back..and kick some ass.


She Will Be Loved
Maroon 5

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn't matter anymore

It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye
Please don't try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

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...i think i m gonna have a heart attack soon...
i want the authority to give me a good piece of news soon...and when i say soon, i really really mean it.


come on life..
cheer up




but,
i m still sad...





why isnt it going away? please go away.
let me do what i want to do...

i have a purpose...and i want to achieve it..



expecting and desperately waiting for some real good news...
and i am hoping i get to hear it before the holidays.



:(
Sandesh

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wth...


i m broken..
morale breakdown






FUCK








pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
help me...be with me..


Boston
Augustana

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.







come on....
i wanna scream


sndsh
:(

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i m so so so not in a mood to even look up to your eyes and say.. "Hey, I am SAD"..


but i guess, its all just because of one single reason, which more than anything is but too delicate for me to deviate from...

in thinking terms at least...




i dont want to miss it...but apparently i am...and trust me... i will cchange...


more than anyone would have ever noticed but i need the chance...



i seriously beg that a moment of joy comes before the holidays at least....






i dont wanna be a burden, i want to be a source...


a source of what i know i want them to be for them...
but more than anything i m not even getting anywhere near it...






suddenly life feels halted...and the time frame stops at a reference position where there is nobody in the background and you seem to be walking on and on, without a purpose listening to MCR...and trying not to think about it...but in the end you only think about...whether things will return back to normal or not....
i want the former to happen...
the very imagination of the latter happening makes a chill run down my spine and trust me...i dont want that...



am getting weaker and weakr by the day...thinking whether i'll be able to survive the horrid that have so fucki'nicely crafted for myself...
and in this moment of joy (for the others atleast...)
i m here sitting in the corner...



weeping in the darkness trying to let go off myself..from this misery...
but like a boomerang it just always keeps coming back and hits me...

hits me hard..
full force..








action action action is what i need...
but one is only i want ...





one piece of good news would be enough for me...
it will be an emotional and morale booster for me...which more than anything i am at the moment hoping for...



nothing in my brin seems to be working at the moment...jealous...why others are so happy...
but at the same time, angry at myself....for committing those mistakes too...


but i tried....its not that i hgave up or wht...i did my best...







and i dont understand why the fuck doesnt it get translated completely...
not saying that everyone is perfect or wht...but atleast they are way better than me...good to see emo people not emoing...and non emo ppl emoing....(refers to 1 and u know who..)


wow...








can things pleae go back to normal...srsly..

i m tired of this game..





i want to do some real stuff now...
some real game is wht i want to play...and more than that...i want to beat my oponents or atleast thoe who dare stand up against me...





but only one thing will decide that now...and until then the wait will continue...

and maybe the misery and emo'ness too...




hope everything gets back to normal...i just seriously hope so...


:'(
sndsh

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just experienced the thing i was least expecting....



FUCK..
i dont know wht to do...


i mean,

i have changed...
someone was right...

i have changed....changed like shit





please help me...please help...please..
i m desperate and hlpless...



she said, chances are high...but still

i m not assured...


h8 myself..
:(

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Haha, today's post is gonna be one hell of a long post...haha
so err... dont fall asleep reading it...





haha







am discovering a new person these days...
she's quite a "surprising" person...haha


i mean, cant believe such a person was around me all the while, and i just dint know...
wow


right?

haha
but, better late than never..

its always good to know people...increases contacts...and chances to survive in this freaked up world...




so ya..





"some people just dont want to help anymore"
well, i know it was directed to me...but i never fell back in helping...neither did i fall back in my expectations of a supposedly "artificial" relation which i just love to cherish, but somehow neither you nor anyone else has been able to appreciate it...
maybe u do realise...and isnt that wht is keeping me to be with a person, who is really special to me..

i dont know what you meant when u said the above line...but whtevr it meant, i dint feel alright..

so ya..




i have changed...changed like hell..

and i want this change to intervene my life, and get something better off it..




LOl

haha
yeah,


anyways..



things have become pretty normal these days... i guess..

i m longing for another floorball training even though i had it like last friday only...
woohoo the 4.8km run has been one morale booster for me....seriously..


haha,
and then i hear people running in the night some 2 point dunno how many km.




but its dam satisfying..





i have to make some decisions for floorball now..
and the fact that i came to know about yesterday, wasnt as pleasing either..
but why??


completely changed my image of the person..



but anyways, i'll see how it goes...











PROM NIGHT practice is at its worst...and i dunno whether we would be able to finish learning all the songs...
i want to do this for somebody..he has a vision for an entity he calls his band... and i want to do this to take him nearer to making his entity a reality....but i guess, not everyone shares the same thoughts as me..




yeah...
so well...

i m waiting and waiting...
for nothing..



its like travelling in the vastness of the universe..but u have no fucking clue about where you are heading..












nature is fucking beautiful, and we dumbheads dont give a damn about it..

well more than anything, the documentary at Science Center's Omni-theatre made me reflect on..
lol


it wasnt as exciting...but i could understand what it was trying to tell me.












watched Ben Stiller's Night at the Museum...some moments ago..haha
nice movie..


listening to this song i have mentioned before..

The City of Fallen Angels by the band Cetra.



anyways..
I am in love with Famous Last Words, by My Chemical Romance..


so..
this is for Jon, the person who comes to mind when i hear the word MCR.

Famous Last Words
My Chemical Romance

Now I know,
That I can't make you stay.
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your,

And I know.
There's nothing I can say.
To change that part.
To change that part.
To change.

So many,
Bright lights they cast a shadow,
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding,
I'm incomplete?
A life that's so demanding,
I get so weak.
A love that's so demanding,
I can't speak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

Can you see?
My eyes are shining bright,
'Cause I'm out here, on the other side,
Of a jet black hotel mirror,
And I'm so weak.
Is it hard understanding?
I'm incomplete.
A love that's so demanding,
I get weak.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,


Nothing you can say can stop me going home.


These bright lights have always blinded me.
These bright lights have always blinded me.

I say.

I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.
Asleep, or dead.

'Cause I see you lying next to me,
With words I thought I'd never speak,
Awake, and unafraid.

Asleep, or dead...

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Tell me if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.

I am not afraid to keep on living,
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay I'll be forgiven,
Nothing you can say can stop me going home.





haha...
dint really think somebody would actually have enough guts to go and say whatevr the somebody said to whoever...

dam funny....
haiz...


its normal..ppl do that
no need to be scared...




ya






well.... i m finding somebody these days.
hope i'll be able to...














:)







Welcome To The Black Parade
My Chemical Romance

When I was
A young boy,
My father
Took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said,
"Son when
You grow up,
Would you be
The saviour of the broken,
The beaten and the damned?"
He said
"Will you
Defeat them,
Your demons,
And all the non believers,
The plans that they have made?
Because one day
I'll leave you,
A phantom
To lead you in the summer,
To join the black parade."

When I was,
A young boy
My father, took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son when you grow up,
will you be the saviour of the broken,
the beaten and the damned?"

Sometimes I get the feeling,
she's watching over me
And other times I feel like I should go
Went through it all, the rise and fall
The bodies in the streets
And when you're gone we want you all to know
We'll carry on, We'll carry on
And though you're all dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it

A world that sends you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout out loud and clear
Defiant to the end we hear the call

To carry on

We'll carry on,
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
On and on we carry through the fears
Oh oh oh

disappointed faces of your peers
Oh oh oh
Take a look at me 'cause I could not care at all
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Come and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part

I won’t explain, or say I’m sorry
I’m unashamed, I’m gonna show my scar
Give a cheer, for all the broken
Listen here, because it’s who we are
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
Just a boy, whose meant to sing this song
I'm just a man; I'm not a hero
I Don't Care!

We'll carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches on
Do or die
You’ll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Come and try; you’ll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part
Do or die
You'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try; you'll never break me
We want it all, we want to play this part
We'll carry on

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maybe i just naturally rock at sucking at everything..



wht can i say...




its how you feel when all your hard work...turns nothing more than piece of shit, and you seriously have no idea why it happened so..




everything seems going down...and i really dont know what to do..
whether i should be happy or sad??? the former will definitely be questioned next week, but i guess, it just the ways you see it..


either ways...
it means the same thing,
and nothing's gonna change now.



fuck..
i mean, i just dont know wht to think abt..??


what i was 2-3 years down the road, is completely different from what i am now..












hell...


is what life's becoming,








i completely take the blame over me...and i think, i'd beg for a chance,
but this will be my last chance....coz, I WILL CHANGE THINGS NEXT YEAR, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

I realised this during one of my floorball trainings..
yesterday's training was dam shocking..cant believe i ran 4.8 km non-stop..
guess, the training's worth it...



come on come on come on...
hopes resting on 2....resting on 2..





please understnd the situation,






oh wells,
i dont know how they are feeling right now..
but more than anything, i really do feel bad for them....




coz as i said just now, i rock at suking..












sndsh
usuck

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trying to relax....
breathing deeply..



hope remain..
hopefully i'll get over it...


fk

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woah woah woah...

almost there,
i have to visualise the drift starting from this night onwards.

whether i'll drift and get back onto the track or whether i'll fall off the edge
i dont know,


i m nervous, afraid...
the feeling creeping in like a crawling snake, absolutely senseless, but still THERE.
haha

yeah,

i really dont know how to get it,
and now that the time has come, i dont know whether the door will open,
i am ready to break open it forcefully, but then there are so many people guarding the door...


it just seems highly unlikely..


and somemore, that its now just me,
being sucked up like this..


it worries me even more...





i mean, they wont even hesitate. seriously..!!
but i seriously hope things go well, and that this wouldn't be the end..

let it be the beginning, start of the beginning...







nothing's been paid off, but in mere terms,
its just difficult,
chances are slim, slimmer than ever...


and i dont want to be engrossed in this...


i can face the people...but would i be able to face them..







hard to say..
very very very hard to say,

i have seen the expressions on the faces,
and everyone knows..




hopeless,
but there is still some fire left, and it is enough to burn down an entire forest..





haiz,
the world is sinking in the economic crisis, and people are regretting taking risks or for some, even measures to secure their lives...but in my shoes, something entirely different is happening..




i think i'll lose myself tonite..
yet again..





hoping for a better sunshine..tomorrow.




sndsh
:(

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wow, so long i havent blogged...lol


anyways key events...


haha,
V11 won inV!gorate yet again, as usual.
i mean, its just a habbit we always win, we just do.


floorball was the best, hope i succeeded in shutting some f'ked up mouths. haha, but thats not just it, somebody really pissed me off before the floorball games, and that was the worst thing to do to me, b4 a fb game. since it concerned my friend, i had no choice..haha

lol
anyways, jheng came was the refree for our matches, which was really helpful..haha,

yeah, soccer was also fun.. haha,


anyways at the end of the day, we were crowned the reigning champions...






i m sure at least for the next 2 years, v11's gonna kick ass at invigorate.



hindi o level exam was slack, was pretty easy, no idea why the local's found it so hard. Off the 3.5 hours allowed for the papers, i was slacking for almost like an hour+. lol

personal voice workshop was fun, indeed..haha yeah..
which ended off yesterday.


hell lot of people started poning from the second day itself and mr. boy was taking attendance, haha


whoops..
gotta go...

more updates coming later..
:D

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at last...

my company is legally on-line.

Found some useful servers on Telokau Islands in the Pacific Ocean..woohoo..

for those dumbheads who dont know what i m talking about..

haha

My company, Hypercube is officially accessible from almost anywhere on earth. Even though the site isn't yet finished, you can get to get see a bit animation that is going to be used as a promotional video for my company. CLICK HERE to access the website.

Alternatively you can click on the link below too..

http://www.hypercubeworld.tk

...

MORE UPDATES coming soon...

GO GO GO GO visit my company's website.

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The Infinity
by Five point O

Learn To Give Up Fear
(then You'll)learn To Be A Friend
Several Secrets Of Life
Won't Be Learned 'till You Die...
(corus)
Birth, Work, Breathe
Smile, Awaken, Bbserve
Elope, Breed Look Into My Eyes And Believe In Me
Nurture, Divorce
Suffer, Cry
Acknowledge Existence
Discover, Die
Look Into My Eyes And Believe In Me
Cleanse Yourself Of Guilt
Unlearn Jealousy
Universal Vehicle
Voice Of Infinite Freedom
Look Into My Life And Bleed For Me
Birth, Work, Breathe
Nurture, Cry
Acknowledge Existence
Discover, Die
Look Into My Life And Bleed For Me
Soon Our Host Will Grow Ill From Age
And The Homes Of Today, Will Be Tomorrow's Tomb
Bleed For Me

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Thy past is of a shadow now... I can undo it not...
Speak not of my presence, see not of my coming, and breathe not of my leaving, and you will hear nothing more but the shrill melody of the wind...

cant take it...

i need to know soon...

as soon as possible..

ppl dont give up...(YES THIS REFERS TO ONE PERSON...and guess wht, ITS YOU- the mysterious YOU again)

hell...

yeah, thats wht life's slowly becoming...

taking time off for the job attachment is helping but still....everytime i come back...thts the only thing i can see...

in front of me...

its really painful, i wish i could tell it to someone...but
its just not the way it seems...

booked my tickets today... gonna collect it tomorrow..
but until the 3 weeks from now..

its still remains the mysteru period for me...believe me or not...its just gonna be one breakpoint...the next one (if there is any) would follow soon after some time..

and i'll have to put myself offlimits...

seriously...

F

sandesh

LP rox...
just discovered they had a distorted remix for What I've Done.

i dont matter... i dont deserve it..

F

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the third one in a day..
i think i'll have definitely have a heart attack by tomorrow..



fuck,

my life's gonna screw up in about another 2 weeks and here i m
watching harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay...

as funny and ironical as it seems...there is more than just the opposite in it..
the emotions dont convey anything...



City of Fallen Angels
Cetra

Tell me the world holds answers for me; I need to know (to know)
Lost and trailing behind I know; I’ve lost my mind (my mind)
Here in the city of fallen angels; I feel alone (alone)
Will my journey end here I need to know

Trust isn’t shared but often abused
Trust isn’t shared but often abused
Will I have to put up with the loss of my mind, my mind, my mind…?

Knowing the battle has just begun; my story starts here (starts here)
Holding, I struggle within myself; the battle is near (near)
All truth lies behind closed doors; I must push on (push on)
Once again the battle wages on and on and on…

Trust isn’t shared but often abused
Trust isn’t shared but often abused
If I had the choice to stop I would, I would, I will

NO…Trust isn’t shared but often abused
Trust isn’t shared but often abused
And if I had the choice to stop I would, I would, I will




somebody help me...i m giving myself..
i dont want to..

please help me...
i m sinking....in my doubts...
doubts that shouldnt have raised at this moment...

never expected it like this..

the end is really becoming the end...

and then therewould be nothing after the aggressive and agitated full stop....nothing..
blank..
white...
not even a scratch...












F U









sandesh

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every passing moment, continuously reminds me of it...

i am a complete waste...
every hope laid down....i broke them...


every sacrifice made... it meant nothing...



i cant help thinking about it..
but maybe..


F

its so f'kin painful...
and i am so not ready for it...


wtf is wrong? i dont know...
maybe nothing is...maybe i m just thinking too much about it....


but then if that is the case, there arent many reasons to support me "not thinking" about it either...
so eitherways,,,,





nvr mind...
i'll try not to think about it...
but then till when???
someday i;ll have to face it...
and..


then...



dont know what will happen??!/!?!




h8myslf

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i m so doubtful..
never ever in my life have i seen myself in so much doubt...so much anger for myself..

but whts the point of thinking about it now...


but then the consequence is fearful in itself...
and i just dont want to lose everything i came to know....in a journey....




its just so painful...
but who'd realise it?? even the closest to me have given up hopes on me...

i am so fucking confused....
there is no way i can be happy at the least, smile..
even if i do, its fake..

but
it just feels weird...



every night...i think about it...
tears break free from my eyes...and ages after this....
i find myself...
in a chamber...

a chamber full of darkness....
even though there is a window...

i opened it and still there was darkness...
there is yet another window, but i am unable to open it...

i think i'll need someone to help me open it..
but whose this someone gonna be...



i can expect no one for the next 4 weeks...but maybe after that...there can be a chance...

and i m not too certain about help offered myself....please.
please..



i beg,
i dont want this to be the end...i want it to be the beginning..
th enew beginning...





i m sinking..and i m losing my breath...
i'll come up but, then will someone be generous enough to get me away from it...




maybe yes...maybe not..

i do hope for the former...





sandesh
:(

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here i stand again
trying..
trying..

but never upto the level...





and all the burden falls on to me, like the earth falling on an ant..
and then there is no reason why shouldnt...




but i still dont want to give up...
i know there is still a lot of fire left in me..
enough to burn for a hell lot of time....

pls see it..
and get it..

coz i am in search for a new beginning..
a new beginning for a perfect end...



haiz...
havent slept properly in the last 3 days...
and well, there is no reason for me to sleep peacefully either...



i wish...i can only wish...but now its too late..
and i m worried...
every nearing second increases my shivering..



anyways...i'll be back with part 2 of the post..


:(

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dont know whts gonna happen now..
i think i wont be as lucky...

FUCK

i cant believe it...
i just cant..


i mean, not as if i dint do it..or wht..
i ...i i... dont know



cant stop thinking about it...
its just too much...


my head so heavy with it...and no latter shall i receive the news and collapse..

fuck...
thats all i feel like shouting at the moment..



i mean, its really difficult to see everyone smile and be happy about things..
and i m here, trying to think about things...i never wished to think...



i m not aggressive enough...
i have to be stronger..
the fault lies beneath...and ..


nvr mind..
i m just purely sad..
and there is just one thing that can make me regain my happiness...but thats defnitely gonna take a hell lot of fucking time to happen and the probability of it happening is like so freaking little..



hate myself..

cyberbeast...

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Its a beautiful lie, a perfect denial
Listen to this song - "Beautiful Lie by 30 Seconds to Mars"
Its just awesome...
If have enough guts listen to "The Werewolf of Westeria by John 5"
its even awesome if u listen to good music....i mean i know ppl listening to GAY music, and somemore trying to sing it to show that they evn more gay than the song itself

well, this post is gonna be a very quick one, so those of you who are expecting one big chunk of "useless" text here--i m sorry..haha



anyways, getting on to the poing, things are really really really screwed up...
EOY's starting next week..woohoo cant wait for them to finish, i have so many things to do after it..




and for some people..
i think i conveyed this msg earlier too, but seemingly you wouldnt have bothered reading it...
so i thought i might want to highlight it again.





"If somebody bitter can be sweet enough to see every other person he sees as sweet. People who are "actually" sweet shouldnt have problems seeing others as sweet too"
in continuation..
The former part is quite valid...but the later part is nowhere near reality.


but i think it was seriously weird..haha, i mean
believe it or not, things can definitely be normal btwn these 2 people....

just that one is down-to-the-earth attached to his "not so good" attitude...the other one is too much affected by it..
i mean, does the fruit of doing good always rot like this???

haha

anyways..
bbye
Sandesh



oh and ya...i officially declare, NO MORE BLOGGING UNTIL EOY finish.
again, it might just be another "beautiful lie..."

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aaahh...
stressed..


ya..
a bit relieved now..


but as usual when one ends there's always another waiting in line...to smash right at my face...so ya..




i guess, i know the reason why....
but its just like WEIRD... ya
i mean, i may be wrong...but come on..

events can co-incide (if u can truely guess wht it means, i m sure, you'll have no reasons to be...)


so ya, "people" acting very very very weird these days..
i mean,
" benefactors are the targets"
ya

i dont know, i did my part even without knowing anything...
anyways..


whtever may the reasons be, i have said it already, i will say it again,
I M SORRY!!
(if the reason behind this, is what i think, then come on.. it would be more insulting)

but howevr insulting it maybe, i would still say it... coz whatever fcked up logic i might apply for whatevr fcked up situation, it still made you angry, and tht is what i dont want..
maybe... its a bit difficult to understand why i m like that..
i dont know

but... then perhaps that is wht u mean to me, whether u accept it or not, i cant see u angry



thts it for now..
gotta study!!





cyberbeast | idj

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wtf!!! you are so not what i expected you to be...
(PS. this doesnt refer to anyone living)

so ya well, i wanted to post this quite a long time before, but just couldnt find the time to do it...
yeah!!

The Importance of a Sister

A sister is someone who loves you from the heart,
No matter how much you argue you cannot be drawn apart.
She is a joy that cannot be taken away,
Once she enters your life, she is there to stay.

A friend who helps you through difficult times,
Her comforting words are worth much more than dimes.
A partner who fills your life with laughs and smile,
These memories last for miles and miles.

When she is by your side, the world is filled with life,
When she is not around, your days are full of strife.
A sister is a blessing, who fills your heart with love,
She flies with you in life with the beauty of a dove.

A companion to whom you can express your feelings,
She doesn’t let you get bored at family dealings.
Whether you are having your ups or downs,
She always helps you with a smile and never frowns.

With a sister you cannot have a grudge,
She is as sweet as chocolate and as smooth as fudge.
Having a sister is not just a trend,
It is knowing you can always turn to her, your best friend.

ya...so well, to sum it all up

luv u sis..
be happy and smile forever..

its just so nice to see someone tying a bond of trust and friendship..
and in return asks for nothing more than the same... (maybe a feet touch..???!!!)
haha
lol..



it was quite nice that day...wish we had talked more..
i feel so mute these days...lol

haha,
aunt amby has started daoing me again...YEAH!!! Woohoo...thts the best sign i could get that she is irritated...but the cold truth is she has to accept it lol

so ya...
i m waiting for somethings...somepeople..
ya

haha
i can see you taking the wrong path, but i know you wont listen to me...so there is no way i can stop you...but perhaphs later or sooner you'll realise that you were wrong....
and
i'll always be there to say
dont force yourself, do your part and it'll come to you!

gotta run!!


Sandesh
:D

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it feels so different..

i feel so confused.
i mean my analysis just feels so "not impactful" for me when others show theirs..

its very painful, and i dont know why...but i have been going through the "2-people-saying-exactly-the-same-sentence-which-doesnt-really-make-me-feel-comfortable" siuations...


and guess what??? 2 such situations happened...


i mean, the first one, i can understand, and fact is acceptable. Its always good to have someone letting you know ways of improvement. But i realised that one was encouraging, the other one was a level more than that, even though it dint mention any postives or anything...


the second situation is more of a concern than anything for me,
coz time is nearing the end and the beginning, and the "situation" is preventing me to plan anything for the beginning. wth..., i thought the direction is positive, but i dont know why some think it is not..
i mean, ya,
its not as if i m yet the "best" or what...
but i am trying...

feels so shocking...when all those moments of hard work and dedication just snaps in a moment just coz of "2-people-saying-exactly-the-same-thing"

life..hahaha




but nonetheless, i am looking forward for the challenge...
i m waiting for the fight...
the big fight...
to let them know whose boss...
yeah





ya...now about other stuff...
so basically, the week was quite good...yeah.. haha,

tuesday, ended late as usual. came back and slept. period.
wednesday was quite ok. CT changed the seating arrangement, and now i m the only GUY in the group! aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh FEMINISM is creeping in my head...!!!!! LOL...
Exco meeting was serious... was teaching chimp, "my-eye-ball-gonna-drop-off" monster, jn and the sick banana (who carries dog on phone...get it??) video stuff...which i m sure they dint understand...
Thursday... got back geog opt results, then for one of the task ( i FAILED at the beginning of the lesson, i PASSED at the end with an A)haha, teacher never mark one section...
ya, couldnt help chimp and the rest edit their video, sry!
then teacher dropped me at Defence Science Organisation labs for elective (as usual)..and the elective went on smoothly..
was feeling very very down. after elective felt alright,...thnx to some1, and for this sum1 - "i'd love to be a gr8 fren 4vr!! :D" lol,
elective was fun, they showed us a powerful laser...and its fucking dangerous. we had to evacuate the class before the laser could be set up. then went in the room 5 at a time, cause dint have enough safety goggles.
When the machine was turned on, all i could hear was this little beep sound which was increasing in intensity.
that was just the flash pump to generate energy. after a while there was silence, about a second or something, then that thing started shooting out laser which dint look like the decent red coloured dot on the wall...it was "electric", i mean thats how i can think of describing it. the intructor put a piece of paper, and the paper got i perfect circular spot in the middle.

its like spark in mid air... just that its not a spark, its an extremely powerful laser.
ya, after a bit of research, i found out that, if an eye, comes in contact with the laser, the
lens in the eye would focus on the retina...and literally "EXPLODE".

and all that was JUST minimum power. It wasnt full power. Instructor say that must get permission from government to run on full power, as if anyone would find out or something...well that was what i thought when the instructor said that..

but i think it was too dumb for me to think that....if they run that machine on high power....anything in the way of the laser would be like completely destroyed. Just now, i talked about one eye, if the other brought in contact with the laser, well, it will literally DISAPPEAR. In scientific terms, the eye will burst, but the burst particles will burst until they become plasma (the fourth state of matter after solid, liquid, gas) and since "earthly" connections wont allow that, the plasma wont be stable enough and would hence "disappear".
its like the most painful thing happening to u for the shortest of time possible...and you cant even see the damage caused... (that is if u are able to see after the experiment in the first place)...
haiz.
haha

yeah so thursday ended like that..


Friday, i.e. today, is India's Independance Day...so err...Happy 62nd Birthday India!!!
we went to the embassy to celebrate!!
reached there just on time for flag hoisting..

they opened the buffet earliar for the students this time round..yea,so basically we ate early and were taking pics until we left...ya!!!

left....reached hostel
me and sagar, watched olympics on the bus back...haha

went to school after changing...
chem
physics
maths quiz...

came back talking about random stuff!!! Its just so nice to be with her...


and now...i m desperately waiting for tomorrow..
tomorrow is an important day!! haha, not because i have to go to hindi school...but because of something...just almost impossible to describe in words...

you mean the world to me,
and belive me or not...
its true, that i can do anything for you,
and the question you asked me on wednesday night...
or the questions you wanted to ask...

my answer would have always been
YES!!! i would have done that!

more coming up tomorrow..!!!




-sandesh

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WOOOOOHHHHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Aang defeats the Firelord and restores balance among the 4 kingdoms!!!

omg, Avatar: The Last Airbender (or Avatar: The Lengend of Aang, as shown in some countries) is one of the BEST "American Anime" i have ever watched....

i m desperately waiting for Nickelodeon to produce the fourth book!!!

and i m dam sure the BOOK 4 is gonna come out, since in the last episode, Prince errr, now the new Firelord Zuko doesnt get an answer for the question he asked his evil father, Firelord Ozai.

The mystery about his mother has always been a mystery!! but she does appear in one of the scenes with Azula. ya...

omg, Avatar is so addicting...

go see for yourself!!!

Some lyrics again... (randomly selected)

Mary belongs to the words of a song.

I try to be strong for her, try not to be wrong for her.

But she will not wait for me, anymore, anymore.

Why did I say all those things before? I was sure.

(She is the one), but I have a purpose,

(she is the one), and I have to fight this,

(she is the one), a villian I can't knock down.

I see your face with every punch I take,

and every bone I break, it's all for you.

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

still I will always fight on for you.

Mary's alive in the bright New York sky,

the city lights shine for her,

above them I cry for her.

Everything's small on the ground below, down below.

What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?

(She is the one), all that I wanted,

(she is the one), and I will be haunted,

(she is the one), this gift is my curse for now.

I see your face with every punch I take,

and every bone I break, it's all for you.

And my worst pains are words I cannot say,

Still I will always fight on for you.

Fight on for you ...

I see your face with every punch I take,

and every bone I break,

its all for youand my worst pains are words

I cannot say

still I will always fight on for you.

Fight on for you.

Fight on for you...

(i found out that this it the Spiderman 2 (OST))

haha

-Sandesh

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not feeling right...

nothing is.., i guess,



i dont know what to do... it just slips out of my hands...the moment i try to grab it harder.



the girls lost to bedok south again, which according to me is not a team to lose to.

but they did play well, better than thought, i mean, for 6 people to manage 2lines is quite an achievement already... and is quite impressive.



yeah.

i could see kaien, janice, malaysia, maybe to a certain extent Jing Xin...try give in their best.

but still they all lack the attitude. they have to get the KILLER instinct in them...for the vjfb dream...and i am dam certain about that..

yes...





i m not sure of the outcome and so doubtful..!!!



haiz...

sad,





haha

must must must get him to play!!! evn though its difficult..





ending with these random lyrics... (PS - its totally RANDOM)



Breathing

Yellowcard



Eyes are feeling heavy
But they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin
But the air is never cold
And even though you're next to me
I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything
For you to call your own
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight
Something I've been keeping
Locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free
With each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you
But it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of
They have filled me up with doubt
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight
I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart
It's always beating
Sinking like a weight
How am I supposed to feel
About the things I've done
I don't know if I should stay
Or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you
Things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew
I threw it all away
And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating
My heart's sinking like a weight
And I can feel you breathing
And its keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart
It's always beating
Sinking like a weight

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walking in the rain,
i asked someone to smile,
depite the circumstances,
but i failed to remind myself...

thinking about the mistakes i made,
and how i could have prevented them,
i could see the divergence in the light,
but i know how it feels,
to be on the-
path, less travelled by (inspiration from william wordsworth)

ya...
so well, i am sure you'd've guessed how my day was like today...

getting along was easier than thought, dint know i was THAT impressive...haha, its the uniqueness of the product, not me,
i just propagate the production, the rest is in the product itself...



anyways,
i found this extremely interesting software(s), lol
and installed it for security purposes in iComp Lab for trial experimentation...

ya...
had the floorball meeting...

surprised to see that the number of floorballers can almost fill up LT AVA...haha
the seniors, all of 'em, believe that we can "do" it...
i mean, i could see it in their eyes, they werent at all worried that VJ FB would be carried on by FB'ers like the new ones....
well, mind reading is one of the many things FB has taught me...

and mr. loke set up some expectations,
which were quite serious in "some" ways..

suddenly things are getting so fucking serious....
why?? come on guys ENJOY!!!
no one smiles...

no one..

haha
well the IP FB Girls got into the Champion's League based on the points they scored in the normal games...which is quite cool in a sense...

i m not at all worried about the outcome... i know they are getting the kIlLeR iNsTiNcT in them...
once they can master their basics along with the killer instinct, they'd be THERE...
ya.
but lets focus on NOW...
haha


i got some plans for them,
but i need all of 'em to believe in me first...haha


gotta go..
bbye

haha
CYBERBEAST HyperCube

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Your result for Which Chess Piece are You Test? ...
The Queen's Bishop

Congrats! Only 3-5% of the population score this!

The Queen’s Bishop has charisma and social knowledge. It is this that draws so many under their ‘tutelage’. The Queen’s Bishop is a teacher and has the phenomenal interpersonal skill that sells them to others. It isn’t that they attempt to manipulate others – rather they really believe their dreams and see themselves as helpers. They usually are.
This Bishop is a global learner. They like to see the big picture. They are adept at juggling responsibilities and projects. This isn’t to say they are naturally organized, rather they are organized with people in mind. The conclusions they draw from others and their motives are drawn quickly. This Bishop knows people and appreciates them. They however have a problem with forgetting themselves and their own needs because they will frequently vouch for others. If people are too gruff or critical, these people are hurt and abused. Sensitivity must be used around the Queen’s Bishop because they burden themselves the most.
If anyone comes knocking with problems, they will drop their duties – regardless of the circumstance. If someone happens to call, they will answer it and take care of that conversation putting the first person on hold. If a quick question is posed by yet another – they will attend to that. They are honestly open to helping others – that is why it is hard to gain their undivided attention. Everyone knows this and tends to ask for a bit of time from them. Ever heard of the “Open Door” Policy?

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Hey guys...
back again..




the week was fun,
CAREERs..

sounds serious business, but nonetheless, was one of the memorable one too...
all the talks, the videos and the activities...

marking the end to one of the major activities in IP...

cant believe IP's coming to an end.
haiz,
all those memories will be locked in...
and as permanent memory, it would be stored for FUTURE USE only..




anyways...
the week was dam fun...


anyways...called someone up on her birthday...
she was quite surprised to hear me...lol,

ya,
so what else to blog about..


well things are quite well going (for now)
i know the troubles i have piled up for the next week, which is gonna screw me like shit. and i havent even planned up for it either..
so ya, next week's gonna be a complete mess....


oh ya,
the girls lost ystrday..
10-2

all because of the first period. No proper man marking, attackers were focuseed just on their attacking, which cost them the defence...blah blah blah...
but nonetheless...
they tried their best to fight back in the second and third period...

ya...
janice dint play, and everybody could feel the difference.
She has improved a lot... seriously

THEY CRIED after the match...
well, it wasnt a worst thing to do, but it was neither the best thing to do. This shows the lack of perseverance..
ya..

but, ya
we are still in the champions league...
which should be a tough competition (assuming the fact that we play in the league)

and OMG...
hui ying joined floorball just before the competition
and she's like so freaking pro and goalkeeping...

no wonder Yan said her goalie-skills are very stylish...
AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHH, i will literally worship such people man..

ya...

well,
quite bored of typing,
i'll end off with these lyrics

DAUGHTRY

It's Not Over

I was blown away.

What could I say?

It all seemed to make sense.

You've taken away everything,

And I can't deal with that.

I try to see the good in life,

But good things in life are hard to find.

We'll blow it away, blow it away.

Can we make this something good?

Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.

I'll try to do it right this time around.

It's not over.

'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.

This love is killing me,

But you're the only one.

It's not over.

Taken all I could take,

And I cannot wait.

We're wasting too much time

Being strong, holding on.

Can't let it bring us down.

My life with you means everything,

So I won't give up that easily.

I'll blow it away, blow it away.

Can we make this something good?

'Cause it's all misunderstood.

Well, I'll try to do it right this time around.

Let's start over.

I'll try to do it right this time around.

It's not over.

'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.

This love is killing me,

But you're the only one.

It's not over.

We can't let this get away.

Let it out, let it out.

Don't get caught up in yourself.

Let it out.

Let's start over.

I'll try to do it right this time around.

It's not over.

'Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.

This love is killing me,

But you're the only one.

It's not over.

Let's start over.

It's not over, yeah...

This love is killing me,

But you're the only one.

It's not over.

<3>

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are u trying to test my patience or what...
dint know you were THAT dumb...

i mean, have you ever given a thought about what you do when in such a situation even before when you are expecting others to do a positive follow up,
come on GROW UP!! alright...

be a bit more sensible for goodness sake....
stop thinking about "$hIt"

alright...
if it has to happen, it'll happen...if it doesnt, then i m sure it'll someday,
you just have to wait until then,...

so what, if you are gonna cross over...
its not a necessity...right,
you are still alive without it right???

wth..
dint expect this...


anyways...

well, the day was quite screwed up,
seriously, even though it was a half day,

like HELL
and somemore,

some person (who is very sensible) displayed the utmost opposite by getting pissed off at me, by asking me to do things, which my schedule dint permit me to do...i couldnt thats why i said no..

like how in the world, can u think i would dare to say NO when i dont have a good reason to say no...and somemore for you...
sometimes you just overlook these things and instead of trying to understand that somethings just cant be left out like that, you expect everyone to respond positively.

wth,
i dont know what to do,
i have talked about 2 things ready, i dont wanna make it worse by including the third one...
anyways, its not personel, but still, i would have done it anyways, cause,
I M NICER...
like lol...

so ya,

now the FUN part,
went Valhall with the seniors....they organised a LAST fun games session for themselves...
played with them for a while...
before starting training the girls....


omg,
the GIRLS are like so bad at aiming..
They literally SUCK......,
i mean i dont have any words for that...

but looking behind my own history in the game, i wasnt better than a noob at there level,
so i guess, if i'd have been in their position that time, i would have sucked even more...yeah..


lol,
Yan had the girls do the defence play up with the J1 girls...

the j1 girls owned the ip girls like nobody's business...haha

ya, so basically after that,

Kim, Anabel and Amy were trying to hit me with the ball..
but apprently,
they SUCK big time,, cant hit me from a distance less than a metre..
but its hard to hit me...


you know its said...
'CyberBeast cant be caught.."
lol

haha
so ya,
played for a while KL and the girls who stayed back,
ate at KFC, haha, (V11 dinner...like that)
with KL, Fiona and Amy


oh ya, i forgot to add one more thing...

Fiona can rotate around a point until like crazy...
and its freaking imba...

i mean, if she can get her drag shots correct, she can be a whirlwind in the field eh...
omg..


what tha hell...
the first time she did it, i was like...

i couldnt speak anything for some seconds or so...
and somemore she did that with a Flat Blade...
she calls it the "Teletubbies"..
lol

omg..
anyways...
yan introduced me and the other girls, to this Swedish under-19 player...Robin

haha,


ya

i gotta go sleep now...
tomorrow is a big day...


gotta start mugging up soon,
EOY catching up ready...


the final sprint analogy is quite impressive.

"try not to be selfish, and everything will look nicer"

cyberbeast..

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wth...
am feeling so freaking down...and i dont really have a reason for that..


:(
today is so busy...aaaah,
even though its a half day..

planning to go training l8r...


"ppl are so selfish!!"

haiz..
anyways..


l8r

Sandesh

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Yesterday was one day, i'd never like to forget...
i mean, i cant imagine the girls improved until like that...

and i wont really "not" relate the influence of the A-Div games on them..


taught the girls, some Free Hit tactics and other basic things..before the match,
and unbelievably the girls follwed what i said...
and defended like 8+ goals because of tat...


so in a way,
they are PROGRESSING...i wont really say they are THERE...
but i guess, they played their first REAL floorball game ystrday..

and no doubts...
they did well..


ya

still have to make them realise some basic things like defence...


haha,
ya


Banana, Chimp, BigChimp, JN, anbl, ky, and kim were all into the game, and i have to appreciate the fact that they did that, in presence of such a pressure...
maybe from me, maybe from Mr. Chow maybe even from the crowd or something...



nearly lost my voice shouting at them...


anyways...in the end, it was worth it...and we WON..!!!
4-3

not an impressive scoreline though, but quite worth the kind of game the girls played.
could have....oops SHOULD have been 5-2.

the reason i added one more goal to our score, is because one of the shots taken by kim, was a goal, but i think the opponents got the benefit of doubt, coz the ref. was at an angle, where, not just him, but anybody wouldnt have been able to have seen the ball...nice guy he is...

anyways...
went subway for dinner, ian joined us there....
had an interesting time,
and after everyone left,
he followed in and amy to the bus stop,

he was telling us about how aggressive HE can be when he's in the court...haha


today is maths test, which i m sure i am confirm gonna fail, coz i m like so freaking bad at differentiation and integration... (gone are the days when i used to ENJOY maths...lol)
PC, Probs and Stats, wont be much of a bother

lets see what happens...
but after that


the final run will start...
and the sprinting part will come soon...
cant wait for this race to finish...


but then after the finish, it will make me realise the loss i'll be going through in like another 3 quarter of a year, and then among the happy people,
i'll be left destitute, but i'll find the LOSS in my HEART, forever...whenever i want...

(P.S. - Stop thinking about IT)


CyberBeast..
Sandesh









and for some person..

keep smiling (copyright)
"coz i want to see u laugh loudly, when u are with me"


Bbye
gotta rush to the school...now



:D

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WtF...
thats like the only thing running in my mind at the moment...and well i guess, i have valid reasons for that as well....


went to support the A-Div's final match....and i was just shocked to see how pathetically VJ was cheated.
The first goal came off from the opponents in like less than 10 seconds of the start...
the later part was even more interesting...


the F'ing refree, was an East View Sec. Student...like wth,
(a sec school student refree for A-Division match...is this a freaking joke or what??)

The F'ing refree decided to give a goal, when it wasnt one...and l8r after a hell lot of shouting and screaming at him, he had to take his bloody decision back.

YJ were playing like some jackasses,
almost everyone got hurt, edvard was the most injured...he was bleeding...


The ref... sent out 2 VJ players (2 minute penalties) continuously for no reason...
i was just waiting for a fight to start...



i heard coach ian shout at the refreee "You SUCK lah..refree.... SUCK"

but anyways.... we lost in the end...
and now we have been placed 4th position in the A-Division.

And since i am talking about floorball already..
i'd like to let a few ppl know...

that tomorrow's match.. (ip Girls match)
is not gonna be an easy one from my side...

somebody just crossed limits today,
and as our seniors have been teaching us,
"Floorball is a TEAM game", everyone will suffer because of that "somebody" and mind me when i say EVERYBODY.

i m in no mood of ordering people around ( i nvr was doing that anyways...but since, the jokeing, happy-go-around style dint fit in here..., i cant help it now)


u asked for it...
u pay for it...

simple trade rules...


anyways...
cant wait for tomorrow...
gotta go practice maths now...
tet on thursday,

PC, Prob and Stats...NP
Diff and Intgr, will be the challenge...


lets see,
what i'll do,

but maybe i am always open for WORDS...and a nice li'l chat wouldnt be troublesome i guess..
i am always ready to revert back my decisions...
only if ,

YOU MAKE THE MOVE, (i m always noticing it...)

too much ready...


FU YJC


I can give u another chance... (i.e. if u want)

Cyberbeast

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hey

quite a long time since i updated the blog..so i thought maybe i should do that today..
lol

so welll things are qutie fine these days..
and i havent been feeling tired lately...coz of dont know what RUNNING in my mind..
but nonetheless...
its enjoyable..
was..


hhaha
bought my floorball stick at last...woohoo..
yeah..

An Exel Scream 2.7 - The only stick fitted with the Mega Tahka blade
ya...

i'll post more pictures of my stick later...
cant wait for the next training..

yippee..


lol
well,
yesterday was quite a hectic day..
the ip girls are participating in some floorball tournament at Valhall.
went to coach them for the match, Mr chow thinks i got potential to teach them...
lol

i'll decide tht l8r...
the girls lost..haha

11 -0
lol

not a bad score though, but that girl from Bedok Town team was quite good at her drag shots..
6 goals out of the 11 were drags by her... and the rest were either lucky or own goals..
yups...

had an interesting time with ian after the match,
played a fun game...haha,

but ian communicated something in that game..
defense is the basic requirement for an attack..

lol
but true..


oh...
gtg

i have electives at DSO until 630pm
aaaaahhhh




bbye
:D

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"The Diary Of Jane"
Breaking Benjamin

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.

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well....
contrary to what people are thinking about my last post...
i think i should explain what was meant by the last post..


Me + 0 = Mystery

When i started out with nothing, "0", it was almost like a mystery to me, coz evn i dint know the solutions...

Me + 1 = Fun Outing

After a while, i found certain clues that made me happy, the same happiness, you get when u find something that had been lost for a long time.

Me + Angel = LIFE

And when i met this amazingly awesome person, i realised that, idols are something, that i need to havr in life...and that is when i started thinking about life..about my future... and the time (life till now) i spent finding that idol.

Me + Angel + LIFE = L O V E <3

now, when i put everything together, i remind myself, of all the moments, and events that occured...makes me appreciate them and learn from them...
ya..

but maybe the last post dint really reflect what i wanted to say...in my last post..
but well, now that i hve posted everything...





:(
well its alright, i mean, its true...i dont know anything, abt " " relations...
thts why, i came to u, to experience it, learn from it...and believe it or not, I AM.

but if u think so, then i guess, it has to be true..
since
at the end of the day...

Presumptions does fills the mind of the third person.

i dont know what to do,
i am in a shock after coming to know certain things...but

well, i think i lagged behind somewhere..
having high fever, right now...

but guess, thats truly irrelevant to the topic...


i gotta go...

i m very very sick right now, and i dont feeel like posting anymore...



shocked...
:(

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Me + 0 = Mystery
Me + 1 = Fun Outing
Me + Angel = LIFE
Me + Angel + LIFE = L O V E <3

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well,
i dont know what to say,
i mean,

my absence is just the right thing...as it is visible, but if thats one of the paths, then i dont mind taking it for the sake of...

deep inside me those small things, hit me like a dart..
but haiz, no one can do anything much about it...


guess, those expectations, those dreams were like just just blurred...
MY FAULT!!!,

but, was there any intention of commiting it unless, there is a reason...its too hard, to tell,
it just is...
thought maybe atleast you'd understand it...
yes..


so well, today was quite lazy, IN a SENSE...yups...
the movie was quite ok, the concept was okay...
and now, i m sitting at changi, trying to do dont know what...





wait was that a deep head...or a deep pain in the heart..?????????
maybe the later....











. .
-


Cyberbeast...

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haiz,
i feel so down so not in the mood to do anything..

i mean come on anyone would feel the dame way...and esp. when its abt someone you've known from the first second you stepped on this planet. omg...i was freaking sad ystrday,
went cycling to ECP to relieve myself..guess, it was not that bad after all...

omg,
her voice was like almost like crying...

aw man..

anyways, well
i dont know what to say, i m getting that weird feeling again, and i am not too sure, whether i am sure about it or not, haiz...
nvr mind...

well
went roller blading to ECP with di,
was gr8 fun
her new blades are nice....and well i m hoping she'll blade faster in some another 3 or 5 tries...

listening to her is like something i can cherish in my memories forever....but apparently, i wont be able to get such chances forever...

:(

guess, relations are s'posed to be like that....
if and only IF
i could...


sigh



i'll post sumtime l8r..

Sandesh

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hey
back in s'pore now

and i m havin quite a lazy time here
think i'll take some time to get back to the routine...
haha

anyways, i'll be leaving for thailand soon in like another 10 hours, and till then, i m not expecting to sleep coz of the Euro '08 match and also the l8r chores that i have to finish..

so well,
things dont seem to be any different, except for the fact, that *** better than b4...
yups..
guess, after so many days, i just realised that it would get really confusing for you to focus on one thing....and handle certain things...

but nvr mind, i'll try my best to be strong and not let the fear eat me...but as far as i know,
i wont be that strong..this time..



well,
i'll read a book or something now..
will try to update again SOOn


bbye
Sandesh

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aaarrrgh,
2 days to go, and i am so bored..

i dont know where to get on from here...i mean, should i carry it on, and go through, tearing away all that comes in the way, or should i do it in the old fashioned WAY..
i dont know,
i mean, ya...nvr mind
so well, here i am,


i miss ppl so much...so much so that,
i had a dam weird dream last night about 'em..lol
but the only person who made me brighten up (in my dreams, of course) would be someone..
haha

aw, she was such a darling and awesomely cute...i mean..she still is..haha
well, lets see how things turn out to be...

and since i gotta run off soon, coz mom wants to take me shopping (BUT I DONT WANT TO...shopping isnt my thing to do)

well nvr mind,
so basically thats..it

and well i just want this one thing to get though "immigration" in my pockets...and after which, i'll be the CyberBeast again, in EVERYTHING..
mark my words for that..

lol
ya


anyways,
tk care
BbYe


Sandesh

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hey guys..
i dont know what to say here,

but i feel like kicking myself..
i feel so bad...and now that the communication gaps are blurred,
i cant even see across the bridge,

and in a hope to rebuild a new bridge,
i cant find my angel,
it seems to be lost, or should i say
it got lost coz of my carelessness,
and needless to say, i am facing the consequences,
the mere thought of me losing my angel,
kills me off for a moment,
and now that i cant find it, its
becoming even more painful..

i want to see those sweet smiles, AGAIN
i want to hear that lovely voice, AGAIN
i want to taste the sweetness of that soft-warm heart, AGAIN
i want to smell happiness in the air, AGAIN
i want to touch that beauty, AGAIN
and i want to say I M SORRY,

AGAIN


:(
must study now,
grld reminded me ystrdy..


maybe i'll update again l8r...






"the sea is so calm, AGAIN"
h8 myself


di

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lately i have been thinking about something..and i realised that maybe the world hasnt yet matured to an extent to define relationships in 'broader' senses..ya. I had this thought last evening, when i was thinking about this wonderfully special person whom i know..(YES ITS U, IF u R READING THIS..u know who..), i was thinking about the dual elements in the relationship and i guess, maybe when u r in 'that' position where the world looks up to you from a very very very wide perspective you tend to divide..but somewhere in those divisions, we tend to forget those "aang's" (character from the cartoon Avatar: The Last Airbender) amidst the crowd, who dont even fear a single thing just for the sake of happiness...well, i wont really say that all the above claims of mine, are true, i mean come on, i havent even experienced this freaking world more than the special person, but ya...

and now that there are so many people viewing different perspectives, i am already getting the gut feeling that, this world is better a lonely place for me and later, if not soon, everything will crash onto me and there would be no one....

couldnt sleep properly yesterday night, was thinking about somethings.... some MOMENTs actually, and believe me, i could actually see them happening in front of me.. and the next thing..

sigh sigh,
i cant help all this happening to me,
its just bound to happen, i mean,
why in the world should i get a right to live happily

after going back, the countdown would have already begun, for the biggest fall of my life..to part with someone, whom i respect more than my own life, for whom this world means nothing to me...
even though the very thought kills the view from my eyes, and makes me shiver, but at the end of it all, i guess, i'll still be there to say..i <3 style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">
aah time, the only thing that makes the difference now...

dont go..
be there, please be there
i m still a baby,
and the world is so strange..

well, i m sure, i wont be able to take the pain,
cause, it really hurts to separate the physical visibility in this state of haziness although, atleast i think, the mind's and heart's connections will be strong..FOR LIFE..

i'll upload a picture here, maybe that would have a deeper impact to this post..


crying...
my heart out
quietly...
screaming...




aah, well,
yesterday was quite fine,
spent the whole day creating a software for Pocket PC,
the next in line for my company's calculator series Hypercube Calca,
the only difference is that, now pocket pc and smartphone editions will be launched..
woohoo,

yups...

well, thats all for now, i'll perhaps update again..






<3
Sandesh

u complete me, believe it or not..u do
pls reply...i need to talk to someone..
and there is only one SOMEONE in this world whom i trust..



:(

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