YESTERDAY..
was

"the most" shocking day of my life.



how can the world be so cruel??? i can understand that "i m not the dude" and kind of things...but,
i thought..
but how does it matter now!!!



dont feel like talking to anyone..
all the while,
i selflessly gave in my best...and
then on one sudden day, i get to know, it was all for nothing..

maybe i was expecting too much out of myself or even others...
well...


so again
"the angel left" again

i dont think i'll be ever able to talk to anyone again...



after 4 years....i tried to trust someone...
i tried to change my views about things...
i tried to be good..
i tried to expect good out of others..



but i guess...things arent quite different from those 4 years ago...

why?? why??


went to Li'l India to visit a temple...
was ok...

came back...had the worst time of the month
was quite frustrated about somethings...
and on top of that..


ya..you know what i m gonna say..
all that i said above happened...


tried to keep myself cool...
went running and even cycled for a while...

still couldnt feel any better...
decided to play soccer...
the only game i can play to relieve myself.. from stress..

and the next thing..
in the field..




icried...i fucking cried...
i remembered all those little things that ever happened and how it got vanished in thin air, just by some words...that i dont know why...dint seem to leave my head that moment


slept in the field for a while...after chatting and dont know doing what garika, tanya and akshat

although not interested in what was happening among the 3 of them...but i guess He (of the 3) should tell both of 'em about this...for everyone's good..


all i can conclude from this...

i m a jackass...i m a god dammed looser..
i can never be the person i always wanted to be...
and ut of all,

i wont ever evr feel to be what it means to be a *** and to be ***** by a***



thats for it..
i hate myself...
i dont wanna talk to anyone..
please leave me alone...

sandesh